I used to be a real ad
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Not gonna be active on twitch chat tonight

twitchquotes: Not gonna be active on twitch chat tonight. I'm meeting a girl (a real one) in half an hour (wouldn't expect a lot of you to understand anyway) so please don't whisper me asking me where I am (im with the girl, ok). Shes actually really interested in me and its not a situation i can pass up for some meaningless twitch chat pastas. (Gonna have lots of segz tonight with a real girl).
twitch chat
May 2021

Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla

December 2021. Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla (Elon Musk invented a more efficient form of security). ARK ETFs are trading at minimum $1,000 a share and investors are signing 10-year pledges just for the privilege. I log on to my Tesla taxi app and order a car. A vintage Roadster pulls up with EDM playing at a tasteful volume. "Where to, King?" asks the anime girl on the console. "You know where", I reply. Palantir knows. We both laugh and the car takes off to Wendys.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

What happened to this ad? :(

Kripp drained Greece's entire supply of Oranges

twitchquotes: Kripp, its Stavros the Fruit Seller from the bazaar. I'm sorry to tell you but you've drained Greece's entire supply of Oranges. Because of the rioting on the streets we advise you to hide any OJ supply you might have left. We can now only sell you Olive Juice and the odd jar of Tzatziki. Please no gyro ouzo
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Puck the Folice

twitchquotes: ლ༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ლ༽ Puck The Folice ლ༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ლ༽
twitch chat
April 2014
imaqtpie

Not Rekt, Rekt

twitchquotes: Status: ☐ not rekt ☑ rekt
twitch chat
May 2014
Reynad
What happened to this ad? :(

Kripp and the Hardcore Police

twitchquotes: ༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ ༽ Kripp, this is the hardcore police, it has come to our attention that you RIP in peace above the allowed average hardcore limit. We are here to inform you that your channel prefix must be changed into cl (casual-life) as a repercussion to better represent your current lifestyle. This will be the last warning. ༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ ༽ ᴊ
twitch chat
May 2014
Kripp

I tried to go help

Damn saw this one guy getting beat up by 2 other dudes today so I tried to go help, didn’t stand a chance against the 3 of us.
March 2021

I need help typing

twitchquotes: i need help typing, im new to the americas and i dont know how to english very well can someone help me? pleasew stop spamming chat so i can learn please....without this i wont pass my english class iand ill get deported please...
twitch chat
November 2014
TidesOfTime

We can't blame market

To be fair "but I poop from there" wasn't an explicit "no". We can't blame market for doing what it did.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

Based

"Based"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "Based"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only word you can comprehend is "Based" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "Based" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about five fucking letters? I bet you took the time to type those five letters too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "Based" on your gravestone?
March 2021
What happened to this ad? :(

Don't even try to compare Xqc to Forsen

twitchquotes: Don't even try to compare Xqcow to frozen. Xqcow is god, frozen is dog. Xqcow is smart, frozen is a wet shart. Xqcow makes Poggers plays, frozen is a glorified sleep aid. Xqcow is the juicer, frozen is a fruit. Capiche kiddo?
twitch chat
January 2022
Forsen

Evere Time Kripe Bro Fist I Put Balls On Compotur Scren

twitchquotes: Evere Tim Kripe Bro Fist I Put Balls On Compotur Scren. Maek Kripe Look Gay Haha Kripe Touchballs
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Dyrus thinks he's smart because of his eyes

twitchquotes: Ive had enough of dyrus , racist to blind people. All I wanted was him to read out his runes and masteries but nooooo he makes me go to lolnexus.. im fking blind why do u think i asked? u and ur eyes, You think ur smart just cus of ur eyes.
twitch chat
July 2014
Dyrus

Deserverinos my Bestest Doritorinos

twitchquotes: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ʀᴏʟʟᴀɴᴅ sᴍɪᴛʜ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴏʀ ᴏғ ᴅᴏʀɪᴛᴏs sᴘᴇᴀᴋɪɴɢ ғʀᴏᴍ ɢʀᴀᴠᴇ. ɪ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ ᴛʜɪs ᴍᴀɴ ᴅᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇʀɪɴᴏs ᴍʏ ʙᴇsᴛᴇsᴛ ᴅᴏʀɪᴛᴏʀɪɴᴏs, ɪ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴛʜᴀᴛs ʜᴏᴡ ᴛᴡɪᴛᴄʜ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅᴇʀɪɴᴏs ᴍʏ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇʀɪɴᴏ. ᴏʜ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏʙʟɪɢᴀᴛᴏʀʏ ᴘʟs ɴᴏ ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴘᴀsᴛᴀʀɪɴᴏ.
twitch chat
July 2014
imaqtpie
I used to be a real ad

RNG in Cardstone is considered illegal gambling

twitchquotes: Dear Reynad, I am a representative of Twitch tv. I am sad to inform you that due to the random aspects of the RNG associated with soulfire's discard process this can be considered illegal gambling and you are going to be forced to stop these games immediately. Much love, Twitch tv admins. please no copypasterino al pacino greasy guido
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

Your sorry excuse for a job

twitchquotes: Kripp, how does it feel that by me disabling adblock I control whether or not your sorry excuse for a job continues existing
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Kripp should change his name to hl_kripp

twitchquotes: Hello Kripparino, this is Noah Liferino, CEO of No Life Incorporated©. As you may already know, we are requiring you to change your Twitch name to hl_kripp (has life) as you no longer are a "no life". This was stated in the contract you signed under section 6 article 9 paragraph 420. This is to be enforced immediately.
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp

Mr Michael Santana, this is your German teacher

twitchquotes: Mr Michael Santana, this is your German teacher. I am very disappoint in your German speaking abilities. I request that you repeat zu words: Blauschimmelkäse, Kachelofen, Ziegeneutermilch and Schachspielzug three times a day for the next month.
twitch chat
November 2014
imaqtpie
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Fairy tale of Reynard and Lea

twitchquotes: Let me tell you the fairy tale of Reynard and Lea. Once there was a magical salt-shaker named Reynard. He lived in a magical kitchen where the princess Lea would make sandwiches. One day Lea shook Reynard too hard and he broke, spilling salt everywhere. BibleThump
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad
Text-to-Speech Playing