I used to be a real ad
Sort by:

Please don't use Kappa

twitchquotes: I am from Japan and was raised hearing terrifying stories about kappas from my grandfather. Those are horrible turtle-like monsters who lure and kill children. And then I join this site and see you use it as a joke with a grey faced man. This is not right! I am scared of using the chat now, bringing me bad memories. Please, don't use that emote.
twitch chat
September 2020

Kripp throws his paintbrush across the room

twitchquotes: Kripp throws his paintbrush across the room. "The canvas needed to topdeck exactly that color to win!" he yells. Dex brings Kripp his paintbrush and Kripp tries again. He tries to paint a happy tree but paints a sad cactus. "The canvas is obviously sniping. How else could it know I was painting a happy tree?" Dex barks. "Quiet, Dex!" screams Kripp as he paints the bottom right of the canvas and concedes.
twitch chat
November 2018
Kripp
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Trent from high school

twitchquotes: Hey [insert streamer name here] this is Trent from highschool. Remember that girl you liked, Jessica? Yeah we're married now. Sucks for you wasting your life away playing stupid video games. I have a big job in a huge company, a beautiful wife, two kids, and a nice car. What do you have huh? A PC? HA! I own five of those. And your chat is stupid. Bye loser!
twitch chat
January 2019

Tanner from High School

THE NEXUS NEEDS YOU KRIPP!

twitchquotes: THE NEXUS NEEDS YOU KRIPP! PLAY HEROES OF THE STORM TODAY! ($5.00 Blizzard Balance will be credited to your Blizzard Account upon successful delivery of promotional message. Please remove this part before pasting.)
twitch chat
May 2017
Kripp

sellout

Kripp's IQ is officially more than 1000

twitchquotes: nice win man you totally outplayed him on every level, every single play you did showed a whole new level of skill and meta beyond our mortal brains understandings, i have no idea how its even humanly possible to be so amazing at this card game as you are Kripp, your IQ is officially more than 1000
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

How come we can't ever invade a cool country (Generation Kill)

Look at this shit, how come we can't ever invade a cool country, like chicks in bikinis, you know, how come countries like that don't ever need Marines, I'll tell you why, it's lack of pussy that fucks countries up, lack of pussy is the root fucking cause of all global instability, if more hajis were getting quality pussy, there'd be no reason for us to come over and fuck em up like this, cause a nutbusting haji, is a happy haji.
March 2021

ligma memes from 2010

twitchquotes: Honestly why are these ligma memes from 2010 funny again? You kids have the most childish humor I've ever seen. And sneaky, just egging on the behavior, you should be ashamed of your stream. You kids need to grow up!
twitch chat
July 2018

Don't post another copypasta

twitchquotes: Hey😠stop🚨right there ✋ this is the police 👮 if you post another 📖 copy📠🍝 pasta again in this neighborhood 🏠🏠 I'm gonna have to 🔒arrest you🔒 no ticket today 👦 kiddo 📟this is just a warning ⚠ be careful next time🚧
twitch chat
June 2017

Subs vs non-subs

twitchquotes: The best part about being a non-sub is that the chat spam seems real. If a sub is spamming it’s obvious they are just spamming for fun or to troll, because who would give money to a streamer they don’t like? By being a non-sub the possible genuine confusion and disinterest is actually there. And that’s something subs can’t get.
twitch chat
July 2020

Sneaky please enable NODDERS

twitchquotes: Sneaky, I think of you as a very smart and somewhat educated person with great foresight. Many people don't see the appeal of NODDERS but the simple combination with NOPERS can exponentially increase the streamers and viewer experience. You, a man of profound wisdom regarding such matters will clearly understand and enable NODDERS, thanks. FeelsClassyMan
twitch chat
July 2020
Sneaky
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Reginaldo

twitchquotes: hi mi name is regi i live from canada i walk 200 miles to get to computer in alaska to play lgend league because iwant be pro player like qqpie and cumshotgg pls no coffee papapino dunkacino pasterino.
twitch chat
July 2014
HotshotGG

League of Legends

Hafu likes money a lot

twitchquotes: (◕‿◕✿) Hello! My name is Hafu! (◡‿◡✿) My boyfriend just broke up with me! He said he doesn't like looking at my beef curtains and my chest is too flat. (◕‿-) But it's okay! I will sob uncontrollably on stream. My viewers will feel sorry for me and give me lots of money. I like money a lot. (。♥‿♥。)
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp

I want to be a box

twitchquotes: Hello My name is Juan Taquito, and My dream is to become a cardboard box, I go home to my family of 12 children daily, searching online for how to become a box, that is why i will watch BoxBox every day, to learn his ways and reach my true form.
twitch chat
July 2014
flosd

Salt mines are now Greece's #1 export

twitchquotes: Hello Mr. Kripp, on behalf of the entire Greek country, I would like to thank you for single handedly restoring our economy with your endless supplies of salt. Salt mines are now Greece's #1 export. Most excellent, all hail Kripperino!
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

It's NOT Sudoku or Subaru. It's Seppuku or Harakiri.

twitchquotes: I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Nihongo (Japanese for you gaijin), and I’ve been involved in numerous study abroad trips to Japan, and I have memorized over 300 kanji characters. You need to learn that the correct term for ritual suicide is Seppuku or Harakiri. It's NOT Sudoku or Subaru. Please educate yourselves.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

Hi Kripp, Google again here

twitchquotes: Kripp, Google again here. We've noticed that you've been away from Twitch for at least 2 minutes in the past. We're just wondering if everything is okay. Is it still the merchandise? We're serious about raising the price if it's a problem to you. We just want you to have fun, and to of course buy more Twitch merchandise. Our Viewbots are ready to bring you (mostly us) much ad revenue. Thank you Kripp, hope to see you soon
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Viewbots

this game is actually one of the best I've seen

twitchquotes: (Sponsored Viewer) ✅ : Okay guys enough with the BS this game is actually one of the best I've seen in quite a while. I understand kripp may be "selling out" but that doesn't mean he isn't enjoying the game. After playing for a couple of minutes I got hooked, line and sinker. I suggest you fellow chat dwellers do the same. So much Fun! (5$ has been transferred to your PayPal account.)
twitch chat
July 2017
Kripp

sellout

I can’t escape Fortnite

twitchquotes: I can’t escape Fortnite. I was on an airplane half an hour ago and through my headphones I heard some guy ask, “Do you play Fortnite?”. At first I couldn’t process the words, but I understood after he reiterated. “Dude, do you play Fortnite?” Then I heard someone respond behind me. “Fortnite?” Then another. “Yeah, that game.” I couldn’t shut them out before the cabin erupted into a chorus of Fortnite conversations. I felt like I was being suffocated. The man previously sleeping beside me woke up suddenly and contributed with “where we droppin' boys?”. The crying kid across the aisle stopped kicking and screaming just to say “Tilted Towers!”
twitch chat
November 2018

Fortnite

The POLICE Just Stopped ME

twitchquotes: The POLICE Just Stopped ME Came Up To My Window An Said "PAPERS"? So I Said "SCISSORS" I WON & Drove OFF The guy Must Want A REMATCH Cuz He Been CHASING Me For The Past 10 MINUTES 😳😩
twitch chat
August 2018
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Buying calls on Gamestop

I can't believe that after fifteen years of trading, my best trade of all time is going to be buying calls on fucking Gamestop.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Text-to-Speech Playing