[Copypasta] Cinco de Mayo origin

Most people don’t know but back in 1912, Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of this delicious condiment, scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, which was to be the port for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest ever shipment on mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know the great ship did not make it to New York. This ship hit an iceberg and sank and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about the tantalising condiment, and were eagerly awaiting the delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. The anguish was so great that they declared a national day of warning which they sill observe to this day. The national day of mourning occurs every year on the 5th of May, you probably know it as Cinco de Mayo
May 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

I sexually identify as Microsoft Windows 10

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as Microsoft Windows 10. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over PCs dropping hotfixes on braindead users. People say to me that a person being Windows 10 is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install Cortana, Windows App Store and a keylogger on my system. From now on I want you guys to call me β€œWindows Update 10.0.10586” and respect my right to update from above and update needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a windowphobe and need to check your OS privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
May 2016

I sexually Identify as

POV: you get approached by the weaboo kid

πŸšΆβ€β™‚οΈare you theπŸ‘πŸ‘„πŸ‘new girl😜heh☺️ i thought so😌i’ve never seenπŸ‘€ you beforeπŸ€” cone e chee wah βœ‹πŸ» i’m david-kun😚it’s so niceπŸ˜›to finally meet youπŸ€ͺyou look just like😳my waifuπŸ₯΅HEHπŸ‘ΉHEHπŸ‘ΉHEHπŸ‘ΉHEHπŸ‘ΉHEHπŸ‘ΉHEHπŸ‘Ήanyways😐i’m so sorryπŸ˜”about the jerks😑in class😀theyre allπŸ‘ŠπŸ»BAKAπŸ‘ŠπŸ»they only want😭one thing😫not meπŸ₯΄i just likeπŸ€“to watchπŸ“Ίmy favourite anime😍jiu jitsu kaisen😍and read manga😎mmmalsoπŸ‘‰πŸ»πŸ‘ˆπŸ»ithinkyourereallycoolπŸ˜…kawaee desu neigh😳🐴HEHπŸ‘ΉHEHπŸ‘ΉHEHπŸ‘ΉHEHπŸ‘ΉHEHπŸ‘ΉHEHπŸ‘Ήnghuuh😣i’m sorry😀i’m just nervous😭okay😑it’s justπŸ˜‰wellπŸ˜‹it’s justπŸ₯΅mm I JUST WANT TO KNOWπŸ€”IF I CAN SUCKπŸ‘…ON YOUR NIPPLETS🀭OKAY❓well😰what do you πŸ‘ŠπŸ»πŸ‘ŠπŸ»NNGGGH😡
February 2021

Weebs

krippO

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–„β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–“β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–“β–‘ β–‘β–’β–’β–“β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–’β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–’β–“β–“ β–’β–‘β–’β–“β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–“β–‘β–“β–“ β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“ β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–“β–‘ β–’β–’β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–“β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–“β–‘β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–’β–‘ β–‘β–“β–“β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–“β–’β–’β–“β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–’β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
ascii art
August 2016
Kripp

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021

Any other straight guys have similar fantasies?

Ok so I'm not gay but I'm Swedish and have a fantasy where Germany win world war two and Sweden needs to export aryan twink boipussy slaves to high ranking SS officers for pleasure. I imagine I'm a shy little blonde twink with smooth pale skin and being brought into komedant heinrichs bedroom to give him pleasure. He is a tall broad shoulders kraut with a jawline that could cut a diamond and with massive daddy muscles and I'm a pathetic skinny little boipussy twink. He pulls me into his arms force kissing me and pressing my chest against his. He pins me down on the bed tearing my cute lil virgin panties off, he has waited for this for a long time. He teases my boipussy with his massive thicc German cock and then he goes all in. Fucking me with a force I've never felt before. Every thrust makes him moan with pleasure. I love the fact I give him pleasure. He cums deep into my sissy swede guts, breeding my booty hole then he cuddles me with his strong masculine German arms until I fall asleep on his chest. Any other straight guys have similar fantasies?
February 2021
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing