Most people don’t know but back in 1912, Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of this delicious condiment, scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, which was to be the port for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest ever shipment on mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know the great ship did not make it to New York. This ship hit an iceberg and sank and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about the tantalising condiment, and were eagerly awaiting the delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. The anguish was so great that they declared a national day of warning which they sill observe to this day. The national day of mourning occurs every year on the 5th of May, you probably know it as Cinco de Mayo
I used to be a real ad
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I once knew this man. He was from the ocean
twitchquotes:
I once knew this man. He was from the ocean. He did very Ocean-y things. He took me by the hand to take me to the land that you understand. He was the crust of a tan man imbibed by the sand, Soaking up the thirst of the land. Soaking up the thirst of the land. His Shin was in the shape of an "O". Don't know what to call him though...any ideas?
twitch chat
Young Sheldon is better than Rick and Morty
"Rick and Morty"? Only a plebeian worm such as yourself would engage in viewing broadcasts of such a sad and idiotic show. Unlike you low IQ apes, I please my optical sensors with only the finest of entertainment. I'll bet that you're inquiring as to what source of entertainment I am referring to. Although I don't expect you to comprehend it, the television show in question is "Young Sheldon". You see, the humor is vastly superior to that of "Rick and Morty". First of all "Rick and Morty" relies heavily on improvisional comedy, while the intellectual humor of "Young Sheldon" is scripted and well thought out before being presented to an audience. Second of all "Rick and Morty" is extremely unfaithful to its source material (Back to the Future, for you simpletons) while "Young Sheldon" is just as good if not better than watching "The Big Bang Theory". I could go on and on about how "Rick and Morty" is vastly inferior to "Young Sheldon" but I highly doubt that you have the mental capability to process such logic. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pour a glass of brandy whilst I redigest the latest episode of "Young Sheldon" so I can make an entry about it to the "Young Sheldon" wikia. Hopefully, I can forget about ever having the displeasure of interacting with you.*Sighs... How tedious.
Rick and Morty
Nice hack QVC!
twitchquotes:
Nice hack QVC! We all know you are hacking there is no way you would be able to guess all this! Thanks for everything im unfollowing. I hope you mommy never bakes you cookies again. 5up 4 life! HAHA ZOOMERS MALDING!
twitch chat
xQcOW
Among Us / Amogus
Biden's America
The year is 2021. You look at the television. SIlver fox President Biden announces a vaccine mandate for employees. You clutch your limited edition Trump Funko Pop. It has begun. You gather up all your belongings, and jump into your truck, hitting the highway for the airport. Out of your rearview mirror you can make out a sleek black Prius pursuing you. You make out the numbers “1” “9” “8” and 4” on their license plate. You are able to lose the Prius and arrive at the airport. You are almost free. At airport security You see a young man being dragged away screaming. The guards yell something about him having more than 3.4 oz of liquid. Thankfully you only have an AR 15 on you. The guard inspects it.
“It’s for hunting,” you say.
They hand it back to you and wave for you to move along. You breathe a sigh of relief.
“One more thing.”
You turn to see a Guard staring down at you with their beady soulless eyes.
“I need to see your vaccination card”
It is too late. You try to run away, but you feel someone press a cloth against your face. Reality fades away. You wake up in some kind of lab, chained down to an operation table and gagged. The room is undecorated except for a single poster of Harry Styles in a dress on the wall. A single figure stands in the corner shrouded in shadow, fiddling with a syringe. As they step out of the shadow, you can make out their face, the roguishly handsome Gavin Newsom. He positions a large surgical headlight above you and turns it on. He holds up the large syringe to the light and chuckles, staring into your pleading eyes.
“Don't worry, it will all be over soon”
He removes his mask to reveal his serpent's tongue, flickering in amusement. He plunges the syringe straight through your “socialism is for figs” shirt into your arm.
“Nighty night”
Your world fades to black once more.