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Imaqtpizzapie and Imaqtlasagne

twitchquotes: Hello Michael, this is you Italian cousin Imaqtpizzapie. I just wrote to inform you of the birth of your new godson Imaqtlasagne. That's correct you are the godfather. Pls no copy pasterino mafiarino donerino
twitch chat
April 2014
imaqtpie

Cyberpunk character creator is broken

This game is so buggy that even the character creator is broken I heard that the game had some bugs but I wasn’t expecting them to hurt my experience so quickly. I was making my character and I got to the genitals option and gave my character a penis. I scrolled through the size option and noticed a game breaking bug. The labels are wrong for the penises. I gave my character what was labeled as “small penis” and was surprised to find that it was way bigger than my real penis. This is a serious game breaking bug and CD Project Red needs to make fixing this issue it’s number one priority.
December 2020
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Let's snipe

twitchquotes: "PARFAIT!", says the Chief of the French Police. "We now have ze best one! Come my friend, together we can stop ze terrorists! Welcome to our ZNIPER TEAM!!". A smile appears on HufferNudes face. "Let's snipe".
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Look guys the rules are pretty simple

twitchquotes: Look guys the rules are pretty simple. You are allowed to copypasta and participate in it, but if you are the only one copy pasting it over and over it is time to stop and think about your life and come up with something better to do
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes

twitchquotes: Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.
twitch chat
December 2018
What happened to this ad? :(

RATIO? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

RATIO? RATIO? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE KIDS SAYING THESE DAYS? RATIO? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF VIOLENT BRAIN DAMAGE? RATIO THIS, L THAT. ARE YOU PEOPLE ACTUALLY MENTALLY CHALLENGED? HOLY SHIT LIKE. RATIO IS A FUCKING MATH TERM YOU DERANGED DEGENERATE BASEMENT DWELLING MORONS CAN YOU STUPID DENSE MOTHERFUCKERS SAY ANYTHING ELSE? SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP
April 2022

Thijs please remove your shirt immediately

twitchquotes: Hello @Thijs this is the Belastingdienst - the Tax and Customs Administration of the Netherlands. We have founds some discrepancies in your tax return. In order to correct your mistakes and avoid getting a fine - please remove your shirt immediately. Thank you for your cooperation.
twitch chat
June 2019
Thijs

Investing in gourd futures

Due to local fluctuations in the tropopause, the jet stream has been shifting rapidly in a counterclockwise vector, causing a rapid disincorporation of the Hadley vortex cells in the lower ionosphere. Because of this, the geostrophic solar wind balance has deteriorated rapidly in the northern hemisphere. In essence, autumnal weather patterns in the western United States will lead to the biggest ornamental gourd yield in recorded history. Investing in gourd agricultural futures could likely produce up to $1600 per day in passive income. However, investing at the apex of the curve would be the most conducive to profit as the arbitrage (particularly 12b-1 fees) will develop at a market share higher than the back-end load. Basically, no one will be able to buy the stock at a higher price than you, and all value invested will be retained. A preliminary market penetration investment of $50,000 would be most efficient in generating this revenue.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

James Patterson plays Druid

twitchquotes: The date is December 19th, 2018, at 630 am. James Patterson has just finished making his morning coffee. James Patterson hates his job, but looks forward each morning to playing ladder with the one deck he could afford to craft: Druid. On turn two, he attempts to drag Wild Growth onto the battlefield. He rubs his eyes, and to his horror sees that the card now costs 3 mana. With nothing left to live for, James Patterson opens his apartment window and buys a subaru.
twitch chat
December 2018

Hearthstone

Hey Kripp this is Juan Castro from Mexico

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp this is Juan Castro from Mexico. Me Englando is ferry bad but i just wantet to zay zat i crossed the river in a rubber boot to Murica to become a pro player! One day i saw ur stream and i see how handsome and good u are. Dat day i decided i wanna become like u! Zo i killed my wife sold her, bought a rubber boat and now im here! Zank u for inspiring me! One day i become good player and pimp like u! or else rapist like unle Benni No coparoni peperoni pastarino plz!
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Are you really shitting on Pokémon Unite bro?

Are you really shitting on Pokémon Unite bro? That’s pretty fucking cringe. This is a highly skilled game that requires teamwork. Communication. Hard work. Blood. Sweat. Tears. If your puny mind fails to see this game is all about skill then just go back to playing baby ass LoL you fucking pleb.
July 2021

as a person who has lots of sex all the time

as a person who has lots of sex all the time, i can say that this game is 100% accurate to having sex with sexy women. like i do. everyday. this game did not make me horny however. i am not gay. i just have too much sex with real women to spend more than 15 minutes in this game. on the other hand i would recommend this game to people who do not have sex (unlike me because i have lots of sex with women a lot) as there is a naked woman in it and she is naked. she kinda looks like one of my many girlfriends who i have sex with a lot. i have lots of sex. i also an very handsome and women ALWAYS want to have sex with me because i am very muscular and handsome and very good at video games. all my girlfriends say im very good at sex and playing video games and being handsome. one of my girlfriends asked me to have sex with her but i told her i was playing a sex game instead so she started crying and became a lesbian and killed herself because i did not have sex with her. i have sex with women. not men. i am not gay. i am very cool and handsome so girls always have sex with me because i am very cool and sexy. my penis is very big. all my girlfriends like my penis because it is very big and i am very good at sex with my women. every woman ive had sex with is very sexy and so am i. i have lots of sex. i am also very handsome and sexy and i have lots of sex.
September 2021

⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

December 2021

Anything to get inside Kripp

twitchquotes: I never wanted to breed with anyone more than I want to with Kripp. That perfect, scrawny body. That shining forehead. The receding hairline of a literal god. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I’ll never mate with him, pass my genes through him, and have nothing happen because he's a man. I’d do fucking ANYTHING for the chance to get inside Kripp. A N Y T H I N G.
twitch chat
February 2019
Kripp

So my boyfriend loves to play dota 2

twitchquotes: So my boyfriend loves to play dota 2 and is very immersed in twitch culture and this has extended to his everyday conversation. It seems like he can't go one sentence without using one such twitch "meme", like "pogchamp", "omegalul", "monka s", "bible thump", or "monka giga". I am fine with him watching twitch and enjoying his video games but honestly it's quite embarassing when we are talking to someone in public and he just randomly busts out a twitch "meme". It's so cringey and all my friends think he's weird. And don't even get me started on the random japanese phrases (he's white...) I swear this sounds like a meme post but i promise this is my real life ;___;
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad

Santana Banana Macaroni

twitchquotes: Hᴇʟʟᴏ Mʀ. Pɪᴇ I ᴀᴍ Mᴀʀɪᴏ Rɪɢᴀᴛᴏɴᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ Pᴀsᴛᴀʀᴏɴɪ ɪɴᴅᴜsᴛʀɪᴇs I ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ᴘᴀsᴛᴀ ɪɴsᴘɪʀᴇ ʙʏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀᴅᴄ ᴘʟᴀʏ I ᴄᴀʟʟ ɪᴛ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀɴᴛᴀɴᴀ ʙᴀɴᴀɴᴀ ᴍᴀᴄᴀʀᴏɴɪ. Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ ɴᴏ Rᴀᴠɪᴏʟɪ ʟɪɴɢᴜɪɴɪ ᴘᴀsᴛᴀʀɪɴᴏ
twitch chat
April 2014
imaqtpie

Surf, Psychic, Thunder, Blizzard

twitchquotes: Surf, Psychic, Thunder, Blizzard. There was a time when all 4 moves were used to achieve teh urn. But all that changed when the e4 attacked. Only the avatar, master of all 4 moves could stop them. But when the chat needed him most, he missed! 26 e4 attempts later and we keep losing. Some believe that pc will ruin the team. But I haven't lost hope, I still believe Starmie can save teh urn.
twitch chat
May 2019
TwitchPlaysPokemon

Reynad's peak performance in salt manufacturing

twitchquotes: Hello Reynad I am Terry Davison from the Texas Salt making factory. Our buisness would like to invest in your salt revenues as we have sensed a peak performance. Pls no pepper.
twitch chat
April 2014
Reynad

I want to become a hearth

twitchquotes: I want to become a hearth. I know there’re people out there just like me, but I’m different. On November 14th, I’m moving to Jamestown; home of the hearths. I’ve cut off my arms, and now light myself on fire everywhere I go as training. I'm not be a hearth yet, but if you give me a chance, I will become the greatest hearth.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

I need a hyper improvement platform

twitchquotes: Micheal, in this brand new season full of unexpected challenges and adventures in the world that is solo q, what can I / We / YOUR VIEWERS use in order to maximise our game knowledge and as a result increase our chance of getting higher ranks, I need a hyper improvement platform man, hit me up!
twitch chat
January 2015
imaqtpie
Text-to-Speech Playing