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THERE'S TOO MUCH SALT

twitchquotes: (╬ ಠ益ಠ) IM GETTING ANGRY THERES TOO MUCH SALT (╬ ಠ益ಠ)
twitch chat
December 2014
Reynad

How to deal with unsportsmanlike player at chess club?

Theres a very unsportsmanlike player at our club who constantly taunts and belittles everyone else. Whenver you make a mistake he yells out "blunder!" or "inaccuracy!" ... "better move was..." and then says the engine move or what he thinks the engine move is. He also says what he thinks the engine +- is. He plays the kings gambit as much as he can and knows like 30 moves deep into every variation. If you respond something other than e5 to 1.e4 he just laughs and calls you a patzer. He's also OBSESSED with Hikaru Nakamura. He talks about him all the time and shows everyone a picture of him with Hikaru (Its really blurry so its hard to tell if its even him). He's constantly talking about him as if he's a close friend even though he only (maybe?) met him one time. Its bordering on creepy and makes everyone uncomfortable. He calls him "Hikaru-San" which I think is part of his obsession with Japanese culture. He also brings japanese noodles/Ramen to the club every day and will spend like 5-10 minute eating them during his turn just to taunt you. Meanwhile he will be mumbling words in japanese. We tried approaching about his conduct but he just did some weird anime villain laugh, yelled something in Japanese, then ran off to challenge another person to a blitz match. We obviously don't want to tell him not to come but it feels like his presence is deterring new people from joining and its also exhuasting.
February 2022

Chess

What happened to this ad? :(

Steve from Big Juicy Vegetables

twitchquotes: Hello, Mr. Veganarrian, it's Steve from Big Juicy Vegetables. We prepared your package containing: Extra Thicc 30cm Cucumber and Huge Fat Watermelon with hole. You can come to pick it up any time, and we recommend you to bring your slave Rania because package is heavy. Have a nice day and go green!
twitch chat
July 2017
Kripp

You can't stop what's coming leafboy

You can't stop what's coming leafboy. I walk all over leaves every autumn, you think this year will be any different? Your flag is a fucking leaf. You chose the one part of the tree that dies every year. Not only that, but it's one of hundreds of leaves, thousands if it's a big tree. All dead come winter. Every winter. A vicious cycle. Totally insignificant. As soon as the tree has had it's way with you you are cast to the Earth to be trod by all other living things. Ants? They not only stomp about you, they will steal your corpse and use it for their people. Birds steal your lifeless shell with impunity. Leaves not only die once, but every year. A brave man dies only once, but leaves die a thousand deaths, or at least 20 or 30 if the tree lives that long. Perhaps more. Every year, leafs crunch beneath my boot. This year shall be no different. So it shall be written. So it shall be done. The day of the rake is at hand because every day is the day of the rake and has always been.
January 2021

It makes no sense!

twitchquotes: I don't know why people have to copy/paste other people messages. It makes no sense!
twitch chat
April 2018
I used to be a real ad

stop babyraging

twitchquotes: let's put out some rant here. you babyrage guys are pathetic. whenever kripp judges an aspect of the game, all of you take it as being salty and babyraging. its simply talking and discussing the game, dont be so closed minded, chat please.
twitch chat
July 2019
Kripp

I LIKE MY MEMES DANK

twitchquotes: ( ರ Ĺ̯ ರೃ ) I LIKE MY MEMES DANK ( ರ Ĺ̯ ರೃ )
twitch chat
June 2015
Reynad

zachary is no more. there is only cock

twitchquotes: sneaky's eyelids flutter open. on one side of his bed, his beloved, lynn. on the other side, his lover, meteos. he slowly awakens to his surroundings. "...cocks," he mutters as he walks to the bathroom. "cocks," he slurs as he brushes his teeth. "cocks," he says while in the shower, hands washing all over his body. "cocks," he says as he burns his food and decides to order postmates. sneaky's life is consumed by cocks. zachary is no more. there is only cock.
twitch chat
July 2020
Sneaky

This guy's pasta is CRAZY!

twitchquotes: ☑ This guy's pasta is CRAZY!” ☑ “My rigatoni can't win against a linguini like that” ☑ "He NEEDED that alfredo to win" ☑ “He meatballed the only marinara that could beat me” ☑ "He had the perfect fettucini ☑ “There was nothing I could cook” ☑ “I cooked that al dente”
twitch chat
August 2014

Permanently trapped in Twitch Chat

twitchquotes: People say Hitler is finally gone right? Well guess what, he isn't. Kappa revived him and permanently trapped him in Twitch Chat as punishment. He roams in the Twitch Chat rooms as imaqtpie mods.
twitch chat
November 2014
imaqtpie
I used to be a real ad

A dirty joke from the 1400s...

A dirty joke from the 1400s... In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. “Look also on the other side,” said the poor creature, “my husband has sometimes taken that road.” From “The Facetiae Or Jocose Tales of Poggio”, a joke book published in the 1400’s by Poggio Bracciolini
May 2022

Stimulus talks going well in 2946

The year is 2946, Robot Mitch McConnel and Cyborg Nancy Pelosi report stimulus talks going well. The Dow rewards them and hits 6.02 x 1023.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Coated like a plasterer's radio

twitchquotes: After having my birth cannon pounded, he then proceeded to raid my poo pipe. My stench trench was trembling like a rat on acid. The seemingly never-ending streams of gentleman's relish emanating from his thrill drill soon had me coated like a plasterer's radio
twitch chat
November 2014
Forsen

Twitch's terrible Bounty commercial

twitchquotes: Four people on me. Quick I need help. Dash, we're on then way. Come on guys we got this. NOOOO. NOOOO.Quick! The quicker picker upper.A spill? No biggie.That's right chat, ya GOTTA have Bounty at your battle station. My man! Let's get back into this. Cover Me, cover me. Guy's I'm still knocked over here. Bounty. The Quicker Picker-upper.
twitch chat
June 2020

HELLO

twitchquotes: ᕕ┌◕ᗜ◕┐ᕗ HELLO HELLO HELLO ᕕ┌◕ᗜ◕┐ᕗ
twitch chat
December 2014
strifecro
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Leper Gnome guns

twitchquotes: fuckin reymad m8, why do you look like you're 15 years old? You even old enough to drive there m8? I used to remember back in the old day your dad would yell at you on stream. I miss those days. Somebody needs to smash your face m8 all you do is play hearthstone all day. You obviously don't lift with those leper gnome guns you got there.
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

I, as a heterosexual man

twitchquotes: I, as a heterosexual man, would never feel attraction to another man. Not even a slim, supple young lad with hyper feminine features in the most endearing cat outfit you could possibly imagine. That doesn't seem attractive to me at all. If you find pictures of men like this, you can just send them to me so I know what to watch out for and avoid.
twitch chat
November 2020

Tesla is undervalued

Currently Tesla share price is only valued for the next 200 years but studies have shown that Earth will survive another 1 billions years before the Sun dies out. Thus You don't have to be genius to figure out Tesla is heavily undervalued and it's current value factors in only the very short time. I am kinda retarded to be able to do the math but trust me it's heavy money. Factor in the when Zuckenberg calls in his species and that planet will be another market for Tesla that's more clients for Tesla and it will sky rocket. Get in before it's late
January 2021

WallStreetBets

I beat Kripp once, but my deck was insane

twitchquotes: I beat Kripp once, but my deck was insane, I topdecked the exact cards I needed for lethal, actually Kripp played it perfectly, there was nothing he could do, it was such a joke.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Hearthstone

What happened to this ad? :(

New brofisting trend

twitchquotes: ヽ( ͡°╭͜ʖ╮͡° )ノ Kripp, it's me Papparrian. Your mother and I are very disappointed in this new 'brofisting' trend you've picked up on. We can only suspect it's due to you being around the succubus for too long. Please come home we miss you. No copypasterino cappuccino pizzarino pepperoni papa johns.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing