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His name was Norman Reedus

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus.
April 2021

EARN that starting position

twitchquotes: It was a humid night, all the windows were open in the Cloud 9 house as Sneaky looked outside contemplating how to avoid the bench again. As he mused the door creaked open and Jack was there. Sneaky knew what had to be done as he got on his knees to fellate his boss. "Oh yea Sneaky, work that hard cock, EARN that starting position"
twitch chat
July 2018
Sneaky

League of Legends

What happened to this ad? :(

Hello Kripp, it's me Timothy

twitchquotes: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ, ɪᴛ's ᴍᴇ, ᴛɪᴍᴏᴛʜʏ. ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴍᴇ? ʏᴏᴜ ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴜʟʟʏ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴀʟʟ ᴍᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʙ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪ ᴡᴀs ᴀ ᴋɪᴅ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ɢʀᴇᴡ ᴜᴘ ᴀɴᴅ ɢᴏᴛ ᴛᴏᴜɢʜ ᕦ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕤ . ɪ ᴀᴍ ɴᴏᴡ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴇғᴇɴᴅ ᴍʏ ʜᴏɴᴏʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴋɪᴄᴋ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀ** (ง'̀-'́)ง
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

I get a thousand hugs from 10,000 lightning bugs

twitchquotes: 🤔 In the song "Fireflies" by Owl City he states "I get a thousand hugs from 10,000 lightning bugs." Are we to assume each bug hugs him a thousand times? Or is he only getting hugged by 1/10th of the bugs? Or is each bug is giving him 1/10th of a hug? 🤔
twitch chat
June 2017

Why are you rank 9?

twitchquotes: ┌| ◔ ▃ ◔ |┐ UH KRIPP..... why are you rank 9? ┌| ◔ ▃ ◔ |┐
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

High IQ to understand Artifact

twitchquotes: To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Artifact. The gameplay is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the gameplay will go over a typical viewer's head
twitch chat
November 2018

Artifact

This message legally certifies that I was here

twitchquotes: This message marks my place as a viewer at this moment, and hereby certifies that I "was here" for any and all subsequent significant events in the near future. This message contains no other particular information, and does not imply any endorsement of, nor involvement in, the events which occur. This message is signed by Twitch authentication and dated by chatroom timestamp, and hence is legally binding.
twitch chat
February 2022

60 fps is too smooth

twitchquotes: Who cares! It is a scientific fact that the human eye cannot tell the difference. In fact i'd argue that 60 fps looks worse. 60 fps is too smooth, it's like petting a shark, the scales (frames) are too smooth so it cuts your hand (eyes), while 30 fps is nice and stable and gives you a better immersion because the frames travel a longer distance so the world looks bigger
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Obey the call of Kel'Thuzad!

twitchquotes: ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ Minions, servants, soldiers of the cold dark, obey the call of Kel’Thuzad!ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Hearthstone

I watched your stream and went 1-3 just like you!

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp I'm 12 and I'm your biggest fan! I saw you play Artosis last year at BlizzCon, are you gonna win BlizzCon this year Kripp? I heard you were good at Arena. I watched your stream and went 1-3 just like you!
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

Kripp's blood salt level is at a dangerous high

twitchquotes: Hei Kripparina, Dr. Enrico Salterino here. Your blood PJSalt level has reached a dangerous heigh. Reduce the PJSalt level immediately or face severe health implications. PLZ COPYPASTERION to save Kripparians life!!
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Take action

twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

hello my name is Carlos i from Turkmenistan

twitchquotes: hello my name is Carlos i from Turkmenistan. I watch master Q.T.PIE stream everytiem. i have no arm or leg so i playing with my huge !@#$%. I quit my job at the teemo mushroom factori to becom pro player. I go from bronze IV to gold IX in six monts. pls no
twitch chat
November 2014
imaqtpie

One condition: let me touch the Kripparrian

twitchquotes: Kripparian, I see you have less viewers than your sexual partner, Reynad. I can guarantee you 5,000 viewers, bringing your count above his. There is but one condition - you must come to my home and let me touch the Kripparian. No copy pasterino dongerino kappacino.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Hello! My name is Reynad!

twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad
I used to be a real ad

When Kripp is afk, he fills his bathtube with salty tears

twitchquotes: When Kripp goes afk, he's filling up his bathtube with his salty tears. Full of Anger and bad Energy, he let the harmony of salt and warm H²O take over. He is at a better place now, dreaming about freedom and peace.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

It is canon that Kermit the Frog caused 9/11 in the Muppet universe

In the 2002 TV film "It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie", there's a part where an angel shows Kermit an alrernate reality where he was never born. For whatever reason, the editors didn't really think about it, and continued to use footage with the twin towers still standing for this scene; however, they aren't there in his original universe. Therefore, something that Kermit did in his life, did in fact cause 9/11 in Muppet lore.
August 2021

Steve from Big Juicy Vegetables

twitchquotes: Hello, Mr. Veganarrian, it's Steve from Big Juicy Vegetables. We prepared your package containing: Extra Thicc 30cm Cucumber and Huge Fat Watermelon with hole. You can come to pick it up any time, and we recommend you to bring your slave Rania because package is heavy. Have a nice day and go green!
twitch chat
July 2017
Kripp

I have heard that "lol you must be fun at parties" at least a hundred times

FUCK YOU. I have heard that "lol you must be fun at parties" at least a hundred times. GET FUCKING ORIGINAL. Jesus fucking christ. Stop saying the same fucking thing over and over and over again. Just because you don't agree with me DOES NOT HAVE SHIT TO DO WITH PARTIES. What the fuck. Do you fucking fart at parties or something? If so I don't want to go to your shitty-ass parties in the first place. I'll stick to my wine and cheese dinners, you know, REAL FUCKING PARTIES. I downvoted you because not one thing you said was original. You're just a robot programmed to say these phrases over and over again to feel connected to 1s and 0s on the internet. You've never been to a party. That's why you say those things. WELL I'M FUCKING tired. of it. I'm tired. Say that to me one more fucking time and I will find you. I'm taking a stand. I am so sick of the stupid "parties" comeback. It's not fun. It's not clever. It's really fucking hurtful. Thanks a lot, dick. So what if you don't like what I said. Is that any reason to dismiss my entire comment and quote a little comeback. What's next, you're going to explain to me with crayons or call out my bullshit by how I overcomplicating things? If I see one more fucking party comment, I'm going to lose it. I'm going off the fucking chain and fucking report all you motherfuckers who think it's funny to comment about being fun at parties. Try me. I will do it. I will go STRAIGHT TO THE FUCKING TOP and then I'll be the one laughing while you beg for my mercy. Then you know what I'll say while you come to me crying and begging to die so you can stop the agony? I'll say "You must be fun at parties." So yeah, If you must know, I am pretty fun at parties. Not that you'll ever find out, dick.
August 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Professional Penguin Wrestling Champion

twitchquotes: hello. i am 18 years old and i am a profesonal penguin wrestling champion. i have won all matches with penguins but now i need money to go to the north pole so i can wrestle with the penguin king so please donate to me. please dont copy and paste my life story
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing