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I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you
You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you. You are going to be the target of the greatest lawsuit the world has ever seen. You don't know why? It's completely obvious. It's so obvious, the most deplorable peasant could grasp the full magnitude of your wickedness and treachery with the greatest of ease. Your actions cry out for mercy, and I will be happy to deliver it. And if you're thinking this is a mistake, or merely a deception of mine, you're sadly mistaken, my friend. I have indisputable proof of your continued harassment and other offenses. Even without it, the jury would take one look at you and decide. The incomprehensible magnitude of your crimes brings with it unavoidable, infinite guilt, and whether you notice it or not, everyone else does. Are you interested in who will be serving as the offense attorney? I'll tell you. It's my father. Your defense? It doesn't matter, in fact, they might just not give you one even to spare just one individual from the trauma. My father is the greatest lawyer in the US, the world, and human history, including the future, which he knows due to the fact that he sued the future and they travelled back in time to tell him. He's served for hundreds of Supreme Court cases, and he's won every single one. You may have never thought about being court-marshaled, but now, that's a real threat. That is the power of my father, a culmination of flawless, supreme logic and a perfect knowledge of the law. You will lose this case, your money, and your life. Does that scare you, insignificant bug? Because it should. The entire history of the U.S. Judicial System has been leading up to this moment, where all of its fury is concentrated on ruining your life. My father won't even need to help. Your heinous crimes will be evident to all, so just give up, you crook. Give up before you're forced to.
If you're a grown-ass man and you still wipe your ass, you're not a real man.
This should be self-explanatory but apparently, I have to justify myself.
There's nothing more feminine than using a product on your body. Makeup is 100% feminine and by the same logic, so is wiping your ass. I haven't wiped my ass in about 4 years, and I've NEVER had any issues. My digestive system is in the top 1% in terms of regularity, functionality, and performance, and I've never once felt the need to "clean up" after myself.
If you shit, and you need to wipe, you've got an emasculated GI tract and that's your own issue. Man up and get your shit (literally) together.
Response to somebody correcting a grammar mistake
Give it up folks, einstein over here has something to say. What's that buddy? Wha- A grammatical error?!? WHAT?!? B... Bu... That can't be possible! Surely not! A GRAMMAR MISTAKE? IN MY SIGHT?!? What a great, absolute miracle that you and your 257 IQ Brain was here to correct it! Thank you! Have my grattitude, Actually, What's your cashapp? I'd like to give you 20$... Know what? While we're at it have the keys to my car. Actually, no, scratch that. Have the keys to my house, go watch my kids grow up and fuck my wife. Also, my Paypal username and password is: Ilikesmartazzes4 and 968386329. Go have fun. Thank you for your work.
paul "scarra" walker
Unrealized losses
She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. “What?” you ask absentmindedly. You’re looking at Futures, and you’re surprised to see them red.
“I want you to play with me.” She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isn’t totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, “I want to do that more.”
But you’ve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. “Uh huh,” you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you don’t realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you don’t say a word because you don’t notice.
She hasn’t left you yet, but she will soon.
Unrealized losses.