Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
I used to be a real ad
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Kripp subscribes to life
twitchquotes:
Ｉ ｕｎｓｕｂｓｃｒｉｂｅｄ ｆｒｏｍ ｌｉｆｅ ｔｏ ｗａｔｃｈ Ｋｒｉｐｐａｒｉａｎ， ｄｅｖｏｔｅｄ ａｎｄ ｓｕｂｓｃｒｉｂｅｄ ｍｙｓｅｌｆ ｔｏ ｈｉｍ， ｈｉｓ ｃｈａｎｎｅｌ； ｈｏｗ ａｍ Ｉ ｒｅｐａｉｄ？ Ｋｒｉｐｐ ｂｅｔｒａｙｓ ｍｅ， ｓｕｂｓｃｒｉｂｉｎｇ ｈｉｍｓｅｌｆ ｔｏ ＬＩＦＥ！ i’ｍ ｓｏｒｒｙ Ｋｒｉｐｐ， ｂｕｔ ＴＨＩＳ ＭＯＮＴＨ ｙｏｕ ａｒｅｎ’ｔ ｇｅｔｔｉｎｇ ｙｏｕｒ ｄｏｎｇｅｒｓ， ＵＮＳＵＢＢＥＤ．
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Kripp
Hey Jon Snow, im drafting a rogue deck in arena
twitchquotes:
Hey Jon Snow, im drafting a rogue deck in arena and i'm 29 cards in. Should I pick backstab (like you got backstabbed by your fellow brothers), betrayal (like how they betrayed you) or shiv (like how you got shived multiple times).
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Classic
Hearthstone
Gonna go against the grain here and say YTA
Gonna go against the grain here and say YTA. Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you? I simply can’t fucking believe that you would make such an idiotic decision. You’re a disgusting little crawly lobotomite and you deserve to perish in a dark deep abyss where you belong. I’ve gone ahead and removed one reddit upvote from your account by “downvoting” this comment. I hope you rethink your actions in the future. Fuck you.
Am I The Asshole?
Cinco de Mayo Emoji Pasta v2
It's Cinco de mayo... 👀🌮🎉 but all I want 🙏🏻 is cinco DICKS 🌯 in my May-OUTH 😩👅💦 Today the SEXicans 😍🇲🇽 beat the French 😒🇫🇷 at the Battle of Puebla 🔫☠ and now you're gonna get your piñata beat 😜😩 with a huge stick 😳🎉 but ❗️ONLY❗️ if you send 📲 this to 5️⃣ amigos 👬 you'd cross borders ➡️ for 👌🏻💯 Get 5️⃣ back 🔙 and you'll find the Juan for you tonight ❤️☺️😘
Cinco de Mayo
Emoji Pasta
Holiday Emoji
Holiday
The unluckiest human ever
twitchquotes:
BREAKING NEWS - Canadian scientists have discovered what they are calling "the unluckiest human ever". The unfortunate individual, a scraggly, foul-smelling, unkempt Canadian man, discovered this condition by badly playing a digital children's card game. "It's literally unbelievable, dude", the man told scientists. "I play every game perfectly, but my opponents just keep topdecking me!" The man continued to whine incessantly until, unfortunately, he dropped dead of a salt overdose.
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Kripp