[Copypasta] Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub

Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
December 2020
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

Jeff Bezos vs Elon Musk

Jeff Bezos -Bald -Exwife took half his networth -Second richest person Elon Musk -Grew back full head of hair -Has girlfriend, allegedly had a threesome with Amber Heard and Cara Delevingne -Richest person TSLA > AMZN
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Classic

If you're a grown-ass man and you still wipe your ass, you're not a real man.

This should be self-explanatory but apparently, I have to justify myself. There's nothing more feminine than using a product on your body. Makeup is 100% feminine and by the same logic, so is wiping your ass. I haven't wiped my ass in about 4 years, and I've NEVER had any issues. My digestive system is in the top 1% in terms of regularity, functionality, and performance, and I've never once felt the need to "clean up" after myself. If you shit, and you need to wipe, you've got an emasculated GI tract and that's your own issue. Man up and get your shit (literally) together.
May 2021

I'm a streamer that is in LOVE with Weebs!

twitchquotes: I'm MoonMoon_OwO! i'm a streamer that is in LOVE with Weebs! That's right! I know it sounds crazy because bald streamers aren't supposed to appreciate true art, but I grew up with anime and have just never really wanted anything to do with normies! It just feels so good to be a degenerate weeb loving this Japanese media! I can't help myself! Their power levels and tourneyment arcs... I'm getting too excited now! I need to go to crunchyroll! I'm going to go watch some anime!
twitch chat
July 2019
MOONMOON

Crumbz picked Rengar again...

twitchquotes: It's 3:00 A.M. and Imaqtpie "Michael" Santana has to be up soon to stream. He awakens with a cold sweat screaming an with fear. Lisher awakes too and tries to sooth him. "Whats wrong baby?" QTPie says with a look of horror on his face "C-Crumbz picked rengar again..."
twitch chat
February 2015
imaqtpie

League of Legends

Text-to-Speech Playing