[Copypasta] Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub

Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
December 2020
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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My kids were listening to Lil Nas X

My kids were listening to old town road by Lil Nas X and one of my kids asked me doesn’t he worship satan? Thinking face I said yes son sadly he does. I had to turn on No role modelz by J Cole to cheer him up My kids idolize someone better now! Thank you J Cole you’re a life saver!
April 2021

I've never even heard or seen moonmoon

twitchquotes: I've never even heard or seen moonmoon but I really hope he isn't as bad as his dumbfuck subs are. I know I'm generalizing but I don't really care, the past few days that I've had to see moonmoon subs spam their same stupid fucking copypasta has been the worst chat experience I have ever had to witness, waving around the 5 dollars they got for doing chores around the house once, trying so hard to fit into their smeg xD spamming clique, it's honestly so obnoxious I want to drink bleach right now.
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MOONMOON

RIP Kattarian

twitchquotes: 2003-2014 R I P Kattarian, you will be missed. I know Kripp would do unspeakable sexual things to you off stream and he killed you in a salt rage after getting top decked and then tells us that you are "temporarily gone" but just know this, chat loved you and we know you're in a better place safe from Kripp's evil
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Leaf Of Legend

twitchquotes: Hello mr michael "ImAPie" santana i am writing to tell you how removing adblock make me better at "Leaf Of Legend". i remove adblock and see add for "Skillcap". Skillcap help me become bestest LoL player in Somalia - Bronze 4. Worth sell wife.
twitch chat
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imaqtpie

Reynad's Lawyer

twitchquotes: ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽_•︻̷̿┻̿═━一 Greetings, I am Reynad's new lawyer, Gino Pasterino. It appears you are playing one of my client's decks, which is now under copyright at the US patent offices. Please desist immediately or be subject to monetary fines and penalties. No cappuccino.
twitch chat
June 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing