[Copypasta] Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub

Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Kripp please supply the world with some salt

twitchquotes: Dear nl_Kripp with the Earth's salt mines running low near depletion. We can always rely on you for stepping up to the plate and supplying the world with some PJSalt
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Taking my polar bear for a walk

twitchquotes: โ•ญ( อกยฐ อœส– อกยฐ)โ•ฏโ•ฒ_____ส•ยฐ แดฅยฐส” Oh, don't mind me. Just taking my polar bear for a walk.
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November 2014
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Man-made sack containing balls

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twitch chat
March 2020

Headphones

โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–Ÿโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–‘โ–‘ย ย ย ย ย โ–ˆย ย โ–‘โ–‘ย ย ย ย โ–ˆย ย โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–—โ–Ÿโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
August 2018

Hey Kripp, this is Jessica from Vegan Heritage Corp

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, this is Jessica from Vegan Heritage Corp. We scanned our ancestry data-base and it appears you're related to the dinosaur known as Willy Vegansaurus the Herbivorous Dinosaur from 194 B.C We have tried contacting him, but it appears he died from a giant 'Meat-eor' sent from Villa the Spaghettisaurus from space. We fear he's making giant meatballs again, we recommend going carnivorous or earth could be doomed again!
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp
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