Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
(βΜΏΔΉΜ―ββ¬β΄β¬β΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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I sexually Identify as an LGM-30 Minuteman III
twitchquotes:
I sexually Identify as an LGM-30 Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missile. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of delivering a W78 nuclear warhead with an explosive yield of 3x500 kilotons of TNT anywhere on the planet at Mach 23. People say to me that a person being a Minuteman III is impossible and Iβm ο»Ώincredibly destructive but I donβt care. Iβm having Air Force Global Strike Command install new three-stage solid-fuel rocket engines and give me an $86 billion upgrade on my 59 foot body. From now on I want you guys to call me "ICBM" and respect my right to be in service until at least the 2030s. If you canβt accept me youβre missileophobe and need to check your local AFB for missile silos. Thank you, and I'll see you in WW3.
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I sexually Identify as
Ban hammer
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
Only the chosen one can stack these cans!
twitchquotes:
Only the chosen one can stack these cans! 
but wait can you do three cans! !!
Only the chosen one can stack these cans! but wait can you do three cans! !!
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Classic
420
twitchquotes:
(Μ
_Μ
_Μ
_Μ
ΠΌΜ²Μ
aΜ²Μ
ΡΜ²Μ
lΜ²Μ
bΜ²Μ
oΜ²Μ
rΜ²Μ
oΜ²Μ
Μ
_Μ
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Μ
(ΰΈΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉΰΉ"
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EtrnlWait
Am I the asshole for dropping my 6 year old son at an orphanage for his inability to trade options?
This started about 4 years ago when my son was 2 years old. I started to supplement his picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I feel like he has retained absolutely nothing even though I have spent every waking minute trying to make him understand. I have done almost everything that I have thought of including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while he is sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make him understand the market. I felt as though I got to a breaking point when he couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. I finally convinced my wife that we were doing the right thing when I said that he will soon be a Wendy's worker begging his wife's husband for a weekly allowance because he will never amount to be anything. I couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy check out Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska and maybe your luck will be better than mine with him.