Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
This is exactly why I hate Twitch chat
twitchquotes:
This is exactly why I hate Twitch chat (Kripp specifically). This chat is pure, unadulterated, 100% stupidity. Nobody has a single unique, new thought, all spouting the latest meme after meme, that aren't even good. THIS is why I'm turning off chat and will just watch the professional gameplay. And I swear to god, if any of you copy and paste this, I'm deleting my account forever.
twitch chat
I hate Twitch Chat
Sunglasses
βββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββββββ βββββββββββ
copy: pastad
gamer head: on
knuckles: cracked
gaming goggles: on
arms: stretched
gamer girl pee: drinked
girlfriend: none
gay best friend: invited
wife: beaten
wife: cheated on
daughter: abandoned
child: destroyed
your mom: fucked
rockets: launched
funding: secured
anime: loved
Japan: nuked
HIV: positive
blood: donated
American genocide: denied
milf: hunted
milfs: lewded
babies: yeeted
emerald splash: deflated
society: segregated
Israel: destroyed
heroin: shot
milk: consumed
mother: donuted
father: robbed
identity: hidden
traitor: kakyoined
Italian drug trade: monopolized
masters: awaken
Caeser: killed
left wing: destroyed
lib: owned
hog: cranked
pants: shid
bottom: text
top: text
Hotel: Trivago
Hotel: Mario
Duke: Nukem
cer: armic
balls: crushed
balls: ligma
the imposter: sus
sussy: balls
Gucci: gang
Delivery: Digiorno
Peterbilt: gassed
Half: life
pog: gers
Vaporeon: cool 
edit: spelling
edit: spelling
It's EXAM WEEK
twitchquotes:
It's EXAM WEEK π€π€ and it's TIME β±β± to WHIP OUT π―π― your EDUCATION ERECTIONS ππππ and FUCK THESE FINALS π€£π€£ππ. That's RIGHT, get READY to BOOTYCALL ππ your SLUTTY STUDY BUDDIES ππ and HIT ππ the BOOKS πππtill your BRAIN π§ π§ is RUBBED RAW π«π« and your PEN ππis DRY π΅π΅. So let's put the CUM in CUMULATIVE π¦π¦ and do this THING ππ. Send this to 11 of the SKANKIEST π€€π€€ SCHOLARS you know or you will LITERALLY get F'D! π±π±
twitch chat
Emoji Pasta
Albert Einstein and Arteezy's farm
twitchquotes:
Albert Einstein, one of the greatest minds to ever live, was once perplexed by the speed at which Arteezy was able to farm. Seemingly impossible GPMs of 800+ every game were consistently observed, leading to the hypothesis that this was no fluke. Einstein spent the last years of his life trying to prove the ability of Arteezy's farm existed within the laws of science. Critics laughed at his efforts, claiming that Arteezy's farm was an undeniable act of divine intervention. It wasn't until the end when Einstein found the answer. On his deathbed, Einstein spent the last seconds of his life jotting down what is now the world's most infamous scientific formula. r=tzΒ²
twitch chat
Arteezy