Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
JPOW was casually eating dinner
twitchquotes:
JPOW was casually eating dinner with his wife and kids for Mother’s Day.. opened his investing.com app.. saw futures were red.. stopped mid dinner and folded his napkin.. headed to the basement.. fired up his money printers.. all why murming I’ll get these bears.. his wife yelled down and asked if he wanted dessert.. he didn’t even answer (and he loves dessert)
twitch chat
ARTOSIS, ATTEND ME!
twitchquotes:
( ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง ARTOSIS, ATTEND ME! (ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง (ง ◉◡◔)ง READY, SIR (ง ◉◡◔)ง
twitch chat
Kripp
It seems you've Eucked Fk0p
twitchquotes:
As Trump leads Mira into the bedroom, she thinks about how many viewers tucking Frump will get her. As they get in bed, Trump turns off the light. After a vigorous minute, Mira rolls off Trump. "Could you host my stream?" she asks. "Sure," replies Ek 
p. As Mira recoils in horror, Trump speaks from the door, "It seems you've Eucked Fk0p."
p. As Mira recoils in horror, Trump speaks from the door, "It seems you've Eucked Fk0p."
twitch chat
Trump
Having Carpe on Fusion is unsustainable for the team
twitchquotes:
Having Carpe on Fusion is unsustainable for the team. He will eventually bring the rest of the team down. No matter how much Fusion invests in this team, they will never be able to afford the aquarium to keep Carpe at optimal performance. It is the sad reality of signing a fish, but Fusion will soon learn.
twitch chat
OverwatchLeague
Overwatch
nl_Kripp can you stop it with all the salt?
twitchquotes:
nl_Kripp can you stop it with all the salt? I was trapped in a salt mine for 3 days straight without any water or food. I only survived by drinking my own urine and eating my toes. Every time I see you spitting salt everywhere it gives me terrible PTSD flashbacks. Thanks.
twitch chat
Kripp