Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
I used to be a real ad
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢋⣩⣤⣤⣤⣬⣭⣭⣭⣭⣉⣙⣛⣛⣛⣛⡛⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⡟⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣌⠛⢿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⢡⡿⠛⠉⠩⣭⣉⣉⣉⣉⡛⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⣿⣶⠘⣿⣿
⣿⡇⣼⠄⢨⣭⠄⠄⢹⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣿⡟⠉⣴⡇⣿⣿⡄⣿⣿
⣿⢀⡇⢠⠄⠄⡄⠄⣹⣟⠄⠄⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⠋⣴⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿
⡏⠘⠁⣿⣧⣤⣤⣶⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠈⠑⠄⠄⢰⣿⠃⠄⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣇⢸⣿
⠄⠄⢰⣿⡿⢟⣿⣿⠅⠄⠄⠄⠠⣶⣤⣀⠄⠄⠁⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⠁⠉⠉⠉⢸⣿
⠄⠄⡼⢃⠰⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠏⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿
⠄⠄⠁⢰⡶⠖⠈⠑⠒⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⢢⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿
⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⠿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻
⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣷⣤⡀⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⢀
⣿⡟⠁⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⢠⣤⣤⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣷⣀⣀⣀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣀⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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Emote
Mary Wanna
twitchquotes:
hello cute pie, my name is macaroni struthers and i am here to enlighten you about the dangers of a drug called "mary wanna." it is a very dangerous drug that can kill your life! so be careful please and do not consume it 
twitch chat
imaqtpie
PROCOL FOR LOSING IN ARENA
twitchquotes:
PROTOCOL FOR LOSING IN ARENA: 1 - Blame deck. 2 - If deck is good, blame RNG. 3 - If deck is good and RNG goes your way, blame going second. 4 - If deck is good, RNG goes your way, and went first, blame opponent's crazy deck/RNG/opponent topdecking answers. 5 - If all else fails, blame snipers with wild decks.
twitch chat
Kripp
Hearthstone
4Head
⣿⣿⠁⢸⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⢿⣿
⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠻⠇⠄⠄⢸⣿
⣿⡇⠄⢀⡖⣻⣿⣶⣤⣀⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣥⣤⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠄⠈⠄⠄⢸⣿
⣿⡇⢠⣿⠏⢁⣀⣀⢨⣝⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣩⠉⠉⠉⠛⢿⣿⣧⢀⠄⠄⣿⣿
⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⢀⣿⣿
⡏⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⢠⡽⢻
⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣷⣾
⢻⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣇⣀⠄⠉⠉⠄⣀⣈⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠄⣼⣿⣿
⣸⡆⢸⣿⡟⣡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿
⣧⣃⠈⣿⣷⣿⡿⠛⢛⣭⣭⣽⣿⣿⣿⣟⡛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣾
⣿⣿⠄⠹⣿⣿⣷⣄⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣶⣴⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣆⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠁⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠉⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣝⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⠁⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?
Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as 
team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in Spawn.
team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in Spawn.