[Copypasta] Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub

Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
December 2020
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

I am contacting you as a representative of the NSA

twitchquotes: Hello Mr. Octavian Morosan. I am contacting you as a representative of the NSA. Recent reports say that you are playing a children's card game and spilling PJSalt everywhere. The PJSalt is clogging our network and blocking our abilities to spy on you and the rest of Canadaland. I am going to have to ask you to stop the salt as it is a threat to national security. Please don't copy paste this official document. This is serious.
twitch chat
September 2015
Kripp

salty

Unhappy Gordon Ramsey

⠁⡼⠋⠀⣆⠀⠀⣰⣿⣫⣾⢿⣿⣿⠍⢠⠠⠀⠀⢀⠰⢾⣺⣻⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀ ⣥⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠠⢻⢬⠁⣠⣾⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠱⠏⡉⠙⣿⣿⡇⠀ ⢳⠀⢰⡖⠀⠀⠈⠀⣺⢰⣿⢻⣾⣶⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣤⣴⣾⣿⣷⣼⡆⢸⣿⣧⠀ ⠈⠀⠜⠈⣀⣔⣦⢨⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣅⣼⠛⢹⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢋⡿⡿⣯⣭⡟⣟⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⡘⠀ ⡀⠐⠀⠀⠀⣿⣯⡿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⣉⢽⣿⡆⠀⠀ ⢳⠀⠄⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠙⠉⠉⠉⠛⣻⢛⣿⠛⠃⠀⠐⠛⠻⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⣾⠄⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠁⢀⠀⢀⡄⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⡠⣴⣎⣀⣠⣠⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⣧⠀⣴⣄⣽⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣖⣶⣬⣾⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⣿⣶⣈⡯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⣹⢧⣿⣿⣿⣄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀ ⠹⣿⣿⣧⢌⢽⣻⢿⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣠⡘⠿⠟⠛⠛⠟⠛⣧⡈⠻⣾⣿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠈⠉⣷⡿⣽⠶⡾⢿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣤⣿⣷⣤⣤⣄⣄⣠⣼⡿⢷⢀⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣿⣷⠌⣈⣏⣝⠽⡿⣷⣾⣏⣀⣉⣉⣀⣀⣀⣠⣠⣄⡸⣾⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣰⡿⣿⣧⡐⠄⠱⣿⣺⣽⢟⣿⣿⢿⣿⣍⠉⢀⣀⣐⣼⣯⡗⠟⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣰⣿⠀⣿⣿⣴⡀⠂⠘⢹⣭⡂⡚⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⢿⡿⠿⢁⣴⣿⣷⣶⣦⣤
February 2022

Hyper improvement platform

twitchquotes: Micheal, in this brand new season full of unexpected challenges and adventures in the world that is solo q, what can I / We / YOUR VIEWERS use in order to maximise our game knowledge and as a result increase our chance of getting higher ranks, I need a hyper improvement platform man, hit me up!
twitch chat
February 2015
imaqtpie

sellout

League of Legends

Tik Tok

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠘⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⣿⠀⠀⣄⣀⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⢀⣤⣿⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⢿⣿⡿⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠉⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⡛⠛⣻⣛⡏⢹⣿⣿⣛⠛⣛⣿⠿⢿⣿⠉⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⣿⠀⡇⢈⠰⣿⣿⠀⣿⠀⣶⡆⢹⠀⡁⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⣿⣤⣧⣼⣦⣼⣿⣤⣿⣦⣤⣴⣿⣤⣷⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
April 2021

Cyberpunk character creator is broken

This game is so buggy that even the character creator is broken I heard that the game had some bugs but I wasn’t expecting them to hurt my experience so quickly. I was making my character and I got to the genitals option and gave my character a penis. I scrolled through the size option and noticed a game breaking bug. The labels are wrong for the penises. I gave my character what was labeled as “small penis” and was surprised to find that it was way bigger than my real penis. This is a serious game breaking bug and CD Project Red needs to make fixing this issue it’s number one priority.
December 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing