Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas
Gaben
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠋⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢻⣿⣿⣿
⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣔⢤⣄⡀⠄⡄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿
⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣨⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣦⣤⣀⣿⣷⡐⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢿⣿
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⢚⣿
⣆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠛⠛⠛⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⣻⣄⣤⣮⡝⣿
⣿⠆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠘⣿⡗⡕⣋⢉⣩⣽⣬⣭⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣝⣻⣷⣿
⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠠⢀⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠰⣶⡗⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣌⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡛⠱⢿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠨⡿⠿⠿⣿⣟⣿⣯⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⢷⣦⠄⠄⠐⢶⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡄⠄⠄⠉⠄⠄⠄⢉⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠄
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄
⣿⠿⠛⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄
I sexually Identify as a snow chugger
twitchquotes:
I sexually Identify as a snow chugger. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of chuggering over the plains of Azeroth freezing disgusting hunters. People say to me that a person being a snowchugger is Impossible and I m fuсking retarded but I don t care, I m beautiful. I m having a mech warper install snow plows, salt shakers and whirling blades on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Choo Choo" and respect my right to chugga chugga and freeze needlessly. If you can t accept me you re a mechaphobe and need to check your topdeck privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
Hearthstone
Having a daughter is the ULTIMATE SIMP
As a man who has a daughter, you are LITERALLY dedicating at least 20 years of your life simply to raise a girl for another man to enjoy. It is the ULTIMATE AND FINAL SIMP. Think about it logically.
Simps
Hello this is Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon
twitchquotes:
Hello this is Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon™. As many of you know, we have recently bought over "Twitch tv". Users must now buy 'Emotes' such as " 
", " 
" and " 
". If users proceed to use these emotes without buying and owning them, we will have to, not only remove the account of the user but also, shut down the stream we have evidence that is has been used in. Thank you, do not copy and paste this. This is business, kid.
", " " and " ". If users proceed to use these emotes without buying and owning them, we will have to, not only remove the account of the user but also, shut down the stream we have evidence that is has been used in. Thank you, do not copy and paste this. This is business, kid.
twitch chat
imaqtpie
WTF IS MEGALUL?
twitchquotes:
We have the perfect three letter emote for a british man laughing at your inferior memes. However, we had to take it one step further with this perverted version of the 
emote and now my chat experience has been completed destroyed. All I wanted was a chat where I could at the 
fags but now 
has destroyed the balance of emotes and chat will never be great again.
emote and now my chat experience has been completed destroyed. All I wanted was a chat where I could at the fags but now has destroyed the balance of emotes and chat will never be great again.
twitch chat
Forsen