[Copypasta] Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub

Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I met a man named madlife

twitchquotes: Back when I was in korea, I met a man named madlife, and he came up to me and said "this is how you play thresh you young wippersnapper" and I stood up out of my chair and said "okay" and that, is how the american madlife, machinegunnerusmc was made.
twitch chat
November 2014
machinegunnerusmc

Trump shrug

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠟⠟⠟⠿⠿⢿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿ ⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⢿⠟⠛⠉⠈⡀⠄⠔⠄⠅⣐⠐⡄⠄⠂⠄⠠⠑⡝⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢨⠠⡐⢈⠄⡅⠐⠨⢐⠁⠃⠔⠡⣂⢅⢊⠸⡐⠄⠁⢟⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢣⢑⡕⢄⠥⡡⢊⠌⣒⢔⡪⣖⢥⡣⣎⢞⢜⢜⢢⡁⠂⡈⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⡼⡽⡮⡳⡡⢨⠱⠹⢰⠹⡚⡸⡘⡜⠜⡜⡜⡐⠡⡘⠐⣜⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣏⡯⣯⢏⠪⡰⠔⡢⢡⢣⢕⣜⣼⣶⣮⡺⢐⠆⠅⠕⣌⠠⣯⢿⣿⢿⣿⣾ ⣿⣿⣯⢯⢺⢪⢑⣀⣦⣾⣿⣿⠁⠙⡿⢿⠵⡛⣚⠶⢘⡢⡘⡆⣿⢟⡿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣣⣷⡑⣼⡾⡺⣘⡬⢹⠠⠐⢀⠂⠉⠉⠄⠄⠅⢌⢊⢎⢧⡫⠣⡻⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⣗⣗⢍⠊⠉⠁⠄⡷⡀⣀⢄⡑⠦⣆⣆⡢⡡⡊⢆⠕⠍⢞⢀⢯⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣾⣗⣳⢕⢔⢐⢤⡳⡺⣿⣿⢟⠋⠈⠌⡛⣷⠳⡡⡑⢜⠌⠄⣊⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢝⢗⣝⢾⢏⣣⣱⣩⡽⠴⠖⡓⡚⠩⢃⠯⡪⢪⢪⢽⡪⣷⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣅⢕⢵⡑⡉⠏⢷⢵⡶⠶⠗⠭⠘⡈⢘⢞⢜⢵⣫⡚⡮⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣟⣿⣿⣿⣧⣻⣮⢮⡪⡀⠑⢔⢈⢄⡐⡀⠢⢅⢇⢧⢗⣗⢇⣿⣽⣾⣿⣿ ⠿⠻⣛⡽⡽⢿⢻⣖⡽⣷⣘⢯⣦⡥⣟⣾⣾⣾⣽⣽⣯⣷⣻⣮⡳⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡞⡯⡯⡿⣻⢵⣻⢿⣿⣾⣞⣮⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣯⣷⠟⠄⢿⣽⣻⡺⡽ ⡣⡫⡪⡫⡺⣹⢞⣟⡿⣿⡪⡛⢞⢟⣿⣾⣿⣿⣻⣿⣽⠟⠁⠄⠄⢸⣿⣷⣟⢿
March 2020

Hey man, it's Mark from History 101

twitch chat
September 2015
Kripp

Biden transplants his brain into the United States' neural network database

thats very true. if you vote trump, there is no nuance in that little flipping nugget of a brain of yours. you are a simpleton, comparable to the gum stuck on the heel of my shoe- dirtying an institution which needs to be scraped clean. thankfully, your time has come. the antics end with joe biden, who has squandered the far-right and united a nation, and once he transplants his beautiful old slimy man brain into the United States' neural network database (which is encrypted and connected to the internet, along with google's whole database, so yes, he WILL know what you're doing) we can finally live in a safe country.
July 2022

Politics

Joe Biden

Donald Trump

Crying laughing hands on face emoji (ICANT emote)

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⡯⠝⠛⠊⠉⠉⠉⠉⠓⠛⠫⢽⣻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⠗⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠻⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⡟⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡽⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣎⠀⠀⠈⠁⠒⠠⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢯⢿⣿ ⡿⡸⠁⠀⠀⠀⠰⠶⣶⣤⣌⡀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠒⠤⡀⠀⠀⠑⢔⠒⠢⢄⠀⠈⢎⢿ ⣷⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠀⠉⠁⠐⠠⢀⠀⠈⠐⠀⠀⠀⠑⠀⠀⠢⠀⠘⣿ ⡾⠀⠀⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠊⡲⠤⠄⡀⠀⠀⠑⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢃⠀⢿ ⡇⠀⢀⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣁⠀⠦⣀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠀⢸ ⢧⡰⠃⠀⠀⠀⢀⣌⠀⠉⠙⠳⠦⣭⣔⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⡾ ⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⢠⠾⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⣀⡀⠈⠙⠢⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢱⢿ ⣇⣇⠀⠀⡰⠃⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⣈⡑⢠⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢸ ⣿⣿⣧⡼⠁⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢺ ⣿⣿⣿⣽⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⢸⡇⠱⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣈⣼ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣦⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⣻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣭⣒⣦⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣠⢤⣼⣳⣯⣿⣷⣿⣤⣯⣾⣿⣿
December 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing