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They tried circumcising me but my foreskin only grew back stronger

They tried circumcising me but my foreskin only grew back stronger. Since then I have been circumcised every 6 months. My foreskin is now stronger than steel. When I am in danger, I pull it over my body like an outer shell. It is fully bulletproof, fireproof, waterproof and extremely lightweight. I have plans to sell it as a highly rare, resistant material and make millions. Brigades will be made out of beams of foreskin, and police units will wear foreskin vests.
August 2021

When I was 13, I came out to my parents as a Morbius male.

When i was 13, i came out to my parents as a morbius male. They couldnt accept my morbality, so they sent me off to camp. They just didnt understandโ€” i was morbed that way. At the camp, they gave us electromorb therapy to morb us into beta males. I resisted the treatment, being a morbius male, you cant morb me out of being morbed. I fooled the counselors into thinking they had successfully morbed be into a beta male, and i returned home. To this day, i live a double lifeโ€” one for my parents, who still cannot accept morbality, and one where its always morbin time.
June 2022

Morbius

I used to be a real ad

Your journey to casualness is almost complete

twitchquotes: Trump and Massan watch Kripp together in silent amusement as he slowly enters TSM's lair. "Kripp" Trump announces, "your journey to casualness is almost complete. Henceforth, you shall be known as, Casualarrian." Kripp bows down before him, and says " It is my destiny."
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

If Mr. Beast was in charge of Squid Game.

Today I took 456 of the most poor and destitute people of Korea ( who are also of my subscribers ) and challenged them to a series of 6 EPIC kids games and the prize is 45.6 billion won. What they don't know is if they lose they die. If you end up liking the video please smash like. But first I have to talk about this episodes sponsor Honey. Honey is a free browser add on available on Google, Opera, Firefox, Safari, if itโ€™s a browser it has Honey. Honey automatically saves you money when you checkout on sites Like Amazon. Papa John's. Kohl's. Wherever you shop it's a good chance that honey can save you money. All you have to do when you're checking out at these major sites click that little orange button and it will scan the entire internet And find discount codes for you. It takes two clicks to install Honey. Now anytime you checkout honey will scan the entire internet and find coupon codes for you. If there is a coupon code they will find it, and if thereโ€™s not a coupon code you can rest assured that you are getting the best price possible and there literally is not one available on the internet. If you install Honey right now you can save like 50 to 100 dollars on your Christmas shopping, doing nothing. Thereโ€™s literally no reason not to install Honey, it takes two clicks, 10 million people use it, 100,000 5 star reviews, unless you hate money you should install Honey. If you want to install it just go to joinhoney.com/mrbeast, thatโ€™s joinhoney.com/mrbeast Now with that out of the way, ON WITH THE VIDEO Ok so we just brought them in and put them in their beds and this is insane. We literally have more than 450 here and we're going to see than play some games, for a bunch of money. Remember that every single person here is also a subscriber, on top of being financially destitute. So if you want a chance to receive tons and tons of money, make sure you hit the subscribe button down below as you can get a chance to play for money. Ok boys, its time to wake them up. I want Chris, Karl, Chandler, Nolan and Tareq to go down there and tell them the rules of the game. Here take these pink jumpsuits masks and these guns and go explain the situation to the subscribers. Ok so while the boys are going down I'm going to show you guys the first game our contestants are going to be playing.
October 2021

Squid Game

So Iโ€™m an AMC shareholder

So Iโ€™m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I canโ€™t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now Iโ€™m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
January 2021

WallStreetBets

I used to be a real ad

Magic Sex Gun YouTube ad script

January 2021

have you ever had a dream like this?

have you ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฟ ever ๐Ÿ˜  had a dreams ๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿ’ญ- thats โœ”- that you ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ค uhm ๐Ÿ˜ค you ๐Ÿ‘ˆ had you ๐Ÿ‘ˆ- you ๐Ÿ‘ˆ could- you ๐Ÿ‘ˆ do what you ๐Ÿ‘‰ want ๐Ÿ˜- you ๐Ÿ‘ˆ could do- so you ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿ‘ฆ- you ๐Ÿ‘ˆ do- you ๐Ÿ‘ˆ could do you ๐Ÿค–๐Ÿ‘ˆ- you ๐Ÿ‘ธ๐Ÿ‘‰ wan ๐Ÿ”‘- you ๐Ÿ‘ธ๐Ÿ‘‰ want ๐Ÿ˜‹ him ๐Ÿ‘ด to do so much ๐Ÿ”ฅ that you ๐Ÿ‘‰ could do anything ๐Ÿ’ฐ?
April 2021

Emoji Pasta

Biden transplants his brain into the United States' neural network database

thats very true. if you vote trump, there is no nuance in that little flipping nugget of a brain of yours. you are a simpleton, comparable to the gum stuck on the heel of my shoe- dirtying an institution which needs to be scraped clean. thankfully, your time has come. the antics end with joe biden, who has squandered the far-right and united a nation, and once he transplants his beautiful old slimy man brain into the United States' neural network database (which is encrypted and connected to the internet, along with google's whole database, so yes, he WILL know what you're doing) we can finally live in a safe country.
July 2022

Politics

Joe Biden

Donald Trump

I feel Kripp fisting me through the stream

twitchquotes: Every morning, I wake up only to watch Kripp play Hearthstone arena. I decide to subscribe to Kripp, join the '5-dollar club', to be part of Kripp himself. 'Welcome', Kripp exclaims, 'to the 5-dollar club!'. He gives the stream a brofist. I feel Kripp fisting me through the stream. A silent tear of joy escapes my eye.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Hearthstone

Ok, so I basically fucked my bedroom door.

January 2021
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

My e-girl e-cheated on me

twitchquotes: My e-girl e-cheated on me after an entire e-day of e-dating and now I'm e-sad. On another e-note, e-girls please send in your e-resumes, I am currently looking to e-fill an e-position.
twitch chat
March 2019

octavian will come in your room tonight

twitchquotes: hello my name is octavian i died in a falafel accident 10 years ago unless you copy and paste this 10 times i will come in your room tonight and make you go 0-3 i look like a middle-aged salty vegan
twitch chat
February 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

Raise ur Blue Cards

twitchquotes: ใƒฝเผผเบˆู„อœเบˆเผฝ๏พ‰ ส€แด€ษชsแด‡ แดœส€ BLUE CARDS ใƒฝเผผเบˆู„อœเบˆเผฝ๏พ‰
twitch chat
May 2014
Trick2g

Bow Gnar

A Bow Gnar is a physiological phenomenon in which the Gnar at full Mana becomes firm with extra Armor, engorged with HP, and enlarged. Bow Gnar is the result of a complex interaction of psychological, neural, vascular, and endocrine factors, and is often associated with shapeshifter's bestialities, although Bow Gnar can also be spontaneous. The shape, angle, and direction of a Bow Gnar varies considerably between players.
July 2022

Teamfight Tactics

its 3 am and i fucked up really bad

I was hungry so i decided to eat some bbq wings and watch some anime. there was about 6 of it and i ate 3 and a half. that was when i started to feel a bit funky on my hand and mouth, and i thought to myself "wow, these bacteria are extra rough today". i used the flashlight on my phone to see what was going on and there was an army of ants covering my hands and i shit you not, i cough once and my mouth is a shotgun that shoots ants as bullets. i was covered in fear and ants and the urge to scream, but the fear of asian parents is stronger. i can only cry silently in a dark and quiet room, all alone, while being violated by ants.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(

Missing shots

twitchquotes: ๐Ÿ’ฅ โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € ๐Ÿ’ฅ โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € ๐Ÿ’ฅ โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € I got him โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € ๐Ÿ’ฅ โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € ๐Ÿ’ฅ โ € โ € โ € โ € โ €โ €โ € Pepega โ–„๏ธปโ”ปโ•โ”ไธ€ โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € ๐ŸฆŒ โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € ๐Ÿ’ฅ โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € ๐Ÿ’ฅ โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € โ € ๐Ÿ’ฅ ๓ €€
twitch chat
February 2021

HOW TO GET SPAGHETTI OUT OF NINTENDO SWITCH urgent !!!!!

hi guys long story short i tried asking my friends and everything and nobody is helping i got mad at smash bros so out of anger i threw a bowl of spaghetti on my dock and i think a noodle got stuck in the top because it got pushed in and so i came here because everybody else is ignoring me so i thought maybe somebody out there that did the same thing has some advice please help my last resort is having to send this to nintendo because that cost money and is scary to mail it out
June 2021

Hey, Mr. Morosan, this is Mike from Video Playground

twitchquotes: Hey, Mr. Morosan, this is Mike from Video Playground, the adult marketplace. You've been ignoring my calls about your outstanding debt of $12.99 for Big Vegan Balls IV. I'm not here to shame or embarrass you for your taste in husky, sweaty man love, but I've got a business to run, and I wouldn't be able to provide you with the entertainment you frequently enjoy if I didn't get paid. Please don't make me revoke your platinum membership.
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

you are not old, mate

twitchquotes: you are not old, mate, you are indeed where life starts, you shouldn't be worried what your age is, as long as you feel young you are young, cheer up and win already, love u dad <3
twitch chat
June 2019
Reckful
I used to be a real ad

Another Response to Navy Seal Copypasta

October 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing