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Stay positive

twitchquotes: ( ºل͟º) ˢᵗᵃʸ ᵖᵒˢᶦᵗᶦᵛᵉ ( ºل͟º)
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Wave the flags

twitchquotes: <\_ Kappa _/> wave the flags like a boss <\_ Kappa _/>
twitch chat
November 2014
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my penis was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
August 2021

Artosis the Great

twitchquotes: Hello Kripparian! This is your lord and saviour, Artosis the Great! I have boarded my private jet to Greecerino to meet you and your lovely wiferino Rania. See you soon! Much loverino, please no dan marino gran torino
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

Chat, don't salt the slug

twitchquotes: ༼ ͒ ̶ ͒༽ CHAT, DON'T SALT THE SLUG. ༼ ͒ ̶ ͒༽
twitch chat
January 2015
Reynad
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

I'M SO STUPID I'M GONNA SHIT

twitchquotes: YOU SHOULD OF LEROYED OH GOD I'M SO FUCKING STUPID I'M GONNA SHIT
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

Is that your knee or you just excited to see me?

twitchquotes: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) is that your knee or you just excited to see me? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

My wife told me to talk dirty to her

So the wife and I were getting into it and she told me to talk dirty to her. So I called her a filthy slut. She said “dirtier!” So I smacked her around and told her I was going to use her like the cheap whore she is. She said “dirtier!” So I said “I’m gonna stick some SQQQ in your portfolio. I’m gonna put it in long and deep. I’m gonna fill you up with way OTM SPY puts.” She then slapped me, packed a bag and took the kids. I think we’re getting a divorce.
April 2021

WallStreetBets

Jack Ma goes missing

Jack Ma is making poop emoji pillows in a factory now 11 hours a day and you guys are making jokes about him 😔
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Dear Kripparian, how dare you

twitchquotes: Dear Kripparian, how dare you... I have dedicated my life to Hearthstone. I am a proud Hearthstoner and so are the rest of your fans. You cannot betray us and start playing a Hearthstone competitor. I can fall asleep to your HS streams because of how casual it is, but this game is too complicated and it keeps me awake. If you betray us we will rise up, you have been warned.
twitch chat
November 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

What happened to this ad? :(

Kripp is actually still living in Canada

twitchquotes: Kripp Is actually still living in Canada, He's Got Artificial sunlight to make it look like he's living in another timezone with Speakers that emit background sound All so that he can get more Euro and Australian Viewers and make it look like he's not actually a vampire so vampire hunters don’t hunt him down. I see through your disguise Kripp Kappa
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

GME revamp

GME should keep their retail stores but make it more of an experience like Hooters. Workers should be hot big tiddy goth girls or whatever other fetish gamers have. Bonuses if they have active social media (Instagram, Tik Tok, Only Fans, etc.) and extra bonus if they also stream on Twitch. 100% guaranteed increase traffic and sales in stores (simp farms). Literally cannot go tits up.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

A spare I guess

twitchquotes: Hey Reynad, I bought two bundles of asparagus today. I only needed one but the other can be 'a spare i guess'.
twitch chat
January 2015
Reynad

Who is TUCK and why does everyone want to FRUMP him?

twitchquotes: Hello Twitch chat, i am new to Twitch and wanted to know who this "T U C K" guy is and why everyone wants to "F R U M P" him? I thank you for your answers and pls no copy pasta this spam Greyface Kappa Kappa
twitch chat
November 2014
Trump

No wonder Bobertxle got kicked from a shitty team CLG

twitchquotes: how is this funny, hes using yogurt, a bronze champion with the lowest win rate, picking ugone is forcing ur team to lose because he sucks, srs learn to play actual adcs instead of ugo, no wonder bobertxle got kicked from a shitty team clg because he cant play actual abcs
twitch chat
October 2014
ROBERTxLEE
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

My power is unBEARable

twitchquotes: ก็็็็็็็็็็็็็ʕ•͡ᴥ•ʔ ก้ MY POWER IS UNBEARABLE ก็็็็็็็็็็็็็ʕ•͡ᴥ•ʔ ก้
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Kripp stop showing your knee on stream

twitchquotes: Kripp stop showing your knee on the stream, dont be like other female streamers. We are interested in your personality and not body.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Bible Passages

twitchquotes: Hey Imaqtpie, don't get my wrong buddy I love all of these funny meme games during queue but I have a new idea. I would love us all to read some bible passages during queue times! Thanks and god bless!
twitch chat
November 2014
imaqtpie

Rank 25 Casual

twitchquotes: ( ° ͜ʖ͡°)╭∩╮Hey Vegeta, what does the scouter say about Kripp's powerlevel? Its over Rank 25 CASUAL!!! ( ° ͜ʖ͡°)╭∩╮
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
What happened to this ad? :(

without throwing your cat across the room

twitchquotes: Hello this is Twitch staff. Unfortunately we have been notified that you have now reached 24 hours of stream time without throwing your cat across the room. As stated in our TOS, we require that all streamers must throw at least one pet a distance of 3 metres on camera in order to maintain the ability to stream. Failure to do so will result in your stream being disabled permanently. We will now unfortunately have to terminate your account. Thank you for your cooperation.
twitch chat
November 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing