[Copypasta] without throwing your cat across the room

twitchquotes: Hello this is Twitch staff. Unfortunately we have been notified that you have now reached 24 hours of stream time without throwing your cat across the room. As stated in our TOS, we require that all streamers must throw at least one pet a distance of 3 metres on camera in order to maintain the ability to stream. Failure to do so will result in your stream being disabled permanently. We will now unfortunately have to terminate your account. Thank you for your cooperation.
twitch chat
November 2019
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My boss recently discovered Among Us

Oh my fucking god guys I am fucking fuming. So the other day at work my boss told us that he recently discovered the video game Among Us, and ever since, his behaviour has become rather concerning. He now refers to me and my coworkers as 'crewmates'. Last Wednesday, when he noticed my teenage colleague slacking off at his workstation, he yelled at him saying he was "faking his tasks" and is "acting sus". I confronted my boss telling him that his behaviour lately has been egregious and immature, and he proceeded to call me an idiot and yelled "kicked!" The next day I caught him dancing around in his office blasting "among drip" from his desktop at full volume. I entered his office to kindly ask him to turn off the music since it was distracting to me and my coworkers. He looked at me angrily, telling me he has called an "emergency meeting", instructing me to have a seat. I asked him what was the matter and he told me that I have been acting extremely "sus". He repeatedly yelled "you're the impostor", telling me to say goodbye to my job because I have been "ejected". I fucking lost my job and I don't know what to do. Please help me Reddit! I have nowhere else to turn.
March 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Donkey Kong

โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–ˆโ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ”€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ”€โ”€ โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–Œโ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„ โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–โ–โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–Œโ–Œโ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–โ–โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–„โ”€โ”€โ–Œโ–Œโ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–โ–โ–„โ”€โ–€โ–€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ–€โ–€โ”€โ–„โ–Œโ–Œโ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–€โ”€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–„โ–ˆ โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆ โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€ โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€
ascii art
September 2021

PROCOL FOR LOSING IN ARENA

twitchquotes: PROTOCOL FOR LOSING IN ARENA: 1 - Blame deck. 2 - If deck is good, blame RNG. 3 - If deck is good and RNG goes your way, blame going second. 4 - If deck is good, RNG goes your way, and went first, blame opponent's crazy deck/RNG/opponent topdecking answers. 5 - If all else fails, blame snipers with wild decks.
twitch chat
April 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

SMOrc

โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โฃ€โฃ€โฃ€โฃ€โฃ€โก€โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โฃ โฃถโฃญโ ‰โ ™โ ™โก›โฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃทโฃฆโก€โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โฃœโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโ งโ คโขพโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโก„โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โก€โ €โ €โ €โ ฐโ ‰โขฉโ ‹โ กโฃฒโกฆโฃถโฃฝโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโก„โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ ˜โขฟโฃฏโกฉโ ญโ ญโฃโฃ’โ ฃโฃ„โ €โ €โ €โขนโ €โ €โฃปโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโก‡โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ‰โขณโฃ„โขคโฃฟโกฟโ ‘โ €โ €โ €โ ฒโฃทโกฏโฃฟโฃฝโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃทโ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ™โขฆโก€โ คโ ผโ €โ ˆโขฒโฃพโฃฟโฃฟโ ฟโ ‹โ ‰โฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโกŸโ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ™โ ฒโกฆโ ‚โกผโฃถโขŸโ Ÿโ โ คโ ถโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โก‡โขฐโฃฟโ ฃโ ƒโฃดโฃพโกถโขฟโกพโฃฟโขฟโฃฟโขฟโขฟโฃฟโ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โก‡โฃพโกโข€โฃพโฃฟโ ‹โฃฟโฃพโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃทโกžโฃฟโก„โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โก‡โขฟโ €โขธโฃ‡โฃ…โฃ€โฃฟโฃโฃปโฃโฃปโฃ€โฃนโฃƒโฃธโฃทโ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โฃ‡โ ˜โ €โกˆโ โ ฅโฃคโฃฌโฃญโฃญโฃญโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโก‡โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ˆโ ›โ ปโขงโกฒโฃคโฃพโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโกฟโ ƒโ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ™โขฎโฃปโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโกฟโ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ˆโ ‰โ ‰โ ‰โ โ €โ ‰โ ‰โ โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €
ascii art
September 2020

When I see FeelsBadMan in chat I actually feel bad

twitchquotes: When I see FeelsBadMan in chat I actually feel bad.
twitch chat
November 2018
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