[Copypasta] without throwing your cat across the room

twitchquotes: Hello this is Twitch staff. Unfortunately we have been notified that you have now reached 24 hours of stream time without throwing your cat across the room. As stated in our TOS, we require that all streamers must throw at least one pet a distance of 3 metres on camera in order to maintain the ability to stream. Failure to do so will result in your stream being disabled permanently. We will now unfortunately have to terminate your account. Thank you for your cooperation.
twitch chat
November 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Why do so many people watch this washed up player?

twitchquotes: Why do so many people watch this washed up player? He is so bad at this game. Why is his hair so long? Does hair length have a connection to a players skill? Is that why girls are so bad at league?
twitch chat
December 2017
imaqtpie

League of Legends

Applejack

β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’ β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“ β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘.’.β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“ ▓▒▒▒▒▒▒░░░░░░▐▄░░▓▓▓▓▓ β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“
ascii art
November 2014

Hafu is jealous of Rania

twitchquotes: οΌ«ο½’ο½‰ο½ο½οΌοΌοΌγ€€οΌ©γ€€ο½ο½γ€€ο½–ο½…ο½’ο½™γ€€ο½“ο½ο½„γ€€ο½ο½Žο½„γ€€ο½Šο½…ο½ο½Œο½ο½•ο½“γ€€ο½”ο½ˆο½ο½”γ€€ο½™ο½ο½•γ€€ο½ο½’ο½…γ€€ο½Œο½…ο½”ο½”ο½‰ο½Žο½‡γ€€ο½”ο½ˆο½‰ο½“γ€€β€˜β€˜ο½•ο½Žο½„ο½…ο½’ο½†ο½Œο½ο½—ο½’β€™β€™γ€€ο½ˆο½ο½–ο½…γ€€ο½ο½Œο½Œγ€€ο½™ο½ο½•ο½’γ€€ο½“ο½ο½Œο½”γ€€ο½…ο½–ο½…ο½’ο½™γ€€ο½Žο½‰ο½‡ο½ˆο½”οΌŒγ€€ο½ο½Œο½…ο½ο½“ο½…γ€€ο½”ο½ο½Œο½‹γ€€ο½”ο½γ€€ο½ο½…γ€€ο½ο½‡ο½ο½‰ο½Žγ€€ο½—ο½‰ο½”ο½ˆγ€€ο½Œο½ο½–ο½…γ€€ο½™ο½ο½•ο½’γ€€ο½ο½ο½„ο½…γ€€ο½‰ο½Žγ€€ο½ƒο½ˆο½‰ο½Žο½γ€€ο½—ο½‰ο½†ο½…γ€€οΌ¨ο½ο½†ο½•γ€€β™‘β™‘β™‘γ€€οΌ°ο½Œο½š ｎｏ ｃｏｐｙ ο½ο½ο½“ο½”ο½…ο½’ο½‰ο½Žο½ ο½ƒο½ˆο½‰ο½Žο½‡ ο½ƒο½ˆο½ο½Žο½‡γ€€ο½ο½‰ο½Žο½‡γ€€ο½ο½ο½Žο½‡γ€€ο½Žο½‰ο½ο½Žο½ο½Žο½‡ ο½ƒο½ˆο½ο½Žο½‡ο½…ο½’ο½‰ο½Žο½ ο½Žο½ο½ο½„ο½Œο½…ο½’ο½‰ο½Žο½ ｂｏｋ ο½ƒο½ˆο½ο½™ ο½‹ο½•ο½Žο½‡ ο½ο½ο½ο½’ο½‰ο½Žο½
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Stonks only go up. But you don't.

You watch her as she brushes her hair. She’s humming a song you can’t quite hear and smiling to herself. Not for the first time, you wonder why this person chose you. She turns. β€œWhat do you want for Christmas?” You want to scream Save your money!, but you only shrug. β€œNothing, really.” β€œNothing?” She crawls into bed and touches your leg. β€œAre you sure?” Again, you wonder why this person chose you. As she takes the weight of you in her hand, your mind wanders. To your puts. They’ll expire worthless, like you. After several minutes of failing to conjure your manhood, she asks, β€œWhat’s wrong?” Stonks only go up. But you don’t.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

I am a sub with cash

twitchquotes: Hey you poor, underage trash. πŸ—‘οΈ You know what the symbol next to my name means? Means I am a sub. Means I am a VIP. Means I got cash. πŸ’΅ What you got? You got shit. πŸ’© You poor non-sub trash ought to pay me and my sub-bros some respect. πŸ’― We subbed because we have cash. πŸ’΅ Real life jobs, real life credit cards.
twitch chat
May 2019

plebs vs subs

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