[Copypasta] without throwing your cat across the room

twitchquotes: Hello this is Twitch staff. Unfortunately we have been notified that you have now reached 24 hours of stream time without throwing your cat across the room. As stated in our TOS, we require that all streamers must throw at least one pet a distance of 3 metres on camera in order to maintain the ability to stream. Failure to do so will result in your stream being disabled permanently. We will now unfortunately have to terminate your account. Thank you for your cooperation.
twitch chat
November 2019
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Spam emotes every time Mario does his jump attack

twitchquotes: Hey guys, I'm here from Maple Story, just wanted to say that I can see why you were being a bunch of immature children in chat - seeing as you literally play a kids game. Honestly, it's just sad seeing you losers spam emotes every time Mario does his jump attack or whatever. Grow up!
twitch chat
January 2019

EVO

If you're a grown-ass man and you still wipe your ass, you're not a real man.

This should be self-explanatory but apparently, I have to justify myself. There's nothing more feminine than using a product on your body. Makeup is 100% feminine and by the same logic, so is wiping your ass. I haven't wiped my ass in about 4 years, and I've NEVER had any issues. My digestive system is in the top 1% in terms of regularity, functionality, and performance, and I've never once felt the need to "clean up" after myself. If you shit, and you need to wipe, you've got an emasculated GI tract and that's your own issue. Man up and get your shit (literally) together.
May 2021

Canadian man brofisting the local Greek population

twitchquotes: Last night in Greece, Greek police heard reports of a Canadian man in a blue tacky sweater walking around the streets at night, 'brofisting' the local population. As a result 20,000 greek citizens have contracted the casualitis. If you see this man, please report to greek policerino department.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Mythological Topdecking Skills

twitchquotes: Eᴜʀᴇᴋᴀ, Kʀɪᴘᴘᴀʀɪᴀɴ! I ᴀᴍ Pᴇʀɪᴋʟᴇs Tᴇsᴛɪᴋʟᴇs, Rᴀɴɪᴀ's ғᴀᴛʜᴇʀ. Wᴇ ᴀʀᴇ so ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ sʜᴇ ʜᴀs ғɪɴᴀʟʟʏ ғoᴜɴᴅ ᴀ ʙᴇᴀʀᴅᴇᴅ ᴍᴀɴ wɪᴛʜ ᴍʏᴛʜoʟoɢɪcᴀʟ ᴛoᴘᴅᴇcᴋɪɴɢ sᴋɪʟʟs ᴀɴᴅ ᴀ sɪᴢᴀʙʟᴇ ᴍoᴜɴᴛᴀɪɴ ɢɪᴀɴᴛ! Kᴜᴅos ᴛo ʏoᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘʟs ɴo ᴀɴɢʀʏ cʜɪcᴋᴇɴ ᴛᴇᴛʀᴀᴢᴢɪɴo.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

I declare with utter certainty that James is an ass

twitchquotes: ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʜᴀsᴛʟʏ ᴇʏʀɪᴇ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ sᴇᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅs ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ, ᴀɴᴅ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜɪs ᴠᴀɴᴛᴀɢᴇ ᴘᴏɪɴᴛ I ᴅᴇᴄʟᴀʀᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴜᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴᴛʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴊᴀᴍᴇs ɪs ᴀɴ ᴀss
twitch chat
February 2016
Dota Major

Dota 2

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