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Jarnitro's message to Kripp

twitchquotes: Dearest Kripparian, Jarnitro here. I am so confudido about how i lost that game. Please use your masterino of top deckarino to teach me how to win this game. I will be your fettucinni pepperoni boy forever.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Hearthstone

This guy's chat is CRAZY!

twitchquotes: ☑ “This guy's chat is CRAZY!” ☑ “My mind can't bear seeing retards like that” ☑ "He NEEDED precisely those two copypastas to infuriate me" ☑ “He pasted the only ASCII that could annoy me” ☑ "He used the perfect emotes" ☑ “There was nothing I could do but ignore” ☑ “I copied that perfectly"
twitch chat
November 2014

This Copypasta Is CRAZY!

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YOLO

twitchquotes: Yᵒᵘ Oᶰˡʸ Lᶤᵛᵉ Oᶰᶜᵉ
twitch chat
May 2014
Reynad

Hello Forsen, I am a 32 year old Ecuadorian national

twitchquotes: Hello Forsen I am a 32 year old Ecuadorian national who is stuck in the US after Reynad refused to pay my airfare home. I need you and your stream to please help me get home to my wife and kid it has been 1 year since my departure and I very much would like to see them again. Kappa
twitch chat
November 2014
Forsen

Hey what's up kripp, it's jeremy your neighbor!

twitchquotes: Hey what's up kripp, it's jeremy your neighbor! I see you're in the office again and playing animated poker - hope everythings well with the wife and garden. Say that lawnmower you borrowed last month; I was wondering when I could expect that back because I noticed your lawn was trimmed no less than three weeks ago but you have yet to bring back my mower. Anyhow , could use that mower. Just checking in but it would be great if I could get that mower back. Thanks again.
twitch chat
March 2018
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

Hey Kripp, how's it going, totemic might here

twitchquotes: ◥█̆◤ Hey Kripp, how's it going, totemic might here. I would just like to ask if you would build a totemic might deck where you use your totem and make it mighty for 0 mana. Thanks!◥█̆◤
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Hey Kripp, Art of Conquest developer here

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, Art of Conquest developer here. Just sending this message to make sure you are promoting our game via the fake questions we send you. Please answer two or three every hour. Make sure to only talk positive about our game otherwise you won't be getting your payment. Any violation of our terms and you can say goodbye to your sponsorship.Have a nice day! :)
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

Welcome to the $5 strip club

twitchquotes: So I went to a Strip Club in Greece the other night and guess who i saw there. It was the Kripp with hundreds of 5 dollar bills. So the Stripper goes in a hot pose, Kripp smiles and pours himself a glass of OJ. Kripp said "Welcome to the 5 Dollar Club" and they went into a private room. Not sure what .happened then but i guess he gave her a brofist.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

where were u wen Melon Captol die (GameStop short squeeze)

apolgy for bad english where were u wen Melon Captol die i was at Gamestock buying Ps5 when phone ring "Melon is kil" “yes”
January 2021

WallStreetBets

The Picture

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp, Micheal here. Yes, your highschool boyfriend. I still have our private picture. "The picture". If you dont want this to be posted on internet - send me your cat.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

I'm sorry for the comments I made. Please unban me

twitchquotes: I'm sorry for the comments I made. They were far beyond the point of being considered appropriate. You are an incredible person & me having been under the influence of alcohol is no excuse for allowing my behaviour to continue for as long as it did. I swear by God's gracious gift of free will that if you ever allow me to be an active member of your community again I will never follow the precedent I'd set for myself leading up to your rational decision to ban me. i think you're really cool.
twitch chat
January 2022

Lord Microsoft

10:43 PM, Microsoft Tower, Washington. A figure stands in shadow, red lights from the theistic ceiling flood the spacious hall. Along the sides, hallmark pieces of technology are proudly displayed on golden pedestals. The Xbox, Windows, Hololens; At the center of it all, the vaccine. "Microsoft Microbe Covid-19" the label on the syringe reads. A glowing substance can be seen sitting still inside. Monitors flicker to life at the end of the hall, each one showing the point of view of an innocent civilian. The light draws a silhouette of a man. His body, frail. His skin is leathery and rugged. Breathing apparatus cover his face, a cold green mist slowly spewing out. The grand door opens, humanoids armed with weapons drag an unkempt and furious man towards the being in shadow. They throw him to the floor, spit slathering the ground. "This is the last one?" the figure asks. "Yes, Lord Microsoft. all 4,607,423,673 other citizens have been accounted for." The rugged man looks upwards, his face bloodied and bruised. His eyes meet Lord Microsoft's. Puffed from tears, his eyes can only show one emotion: anger. "Bill Gates, you piece of shit. I swore to Samantha that if I ever-" "Silence, creature!" Lord Microsoft slaps him with the back of his hand. "I am lord Microsoft, and you will refer to me as such!" The guards grab the man, hoisting him up. "Now, let us delay no further. It has taken me years to get to this point, and I will not have my victory denied!" Lord Microsoft grabs the vaccine and primes it for injection. "Such a small thing, isn't it? Yet, it has afforded me the right to dominate all life on Earth. Covid was a blessing, not a curse." The man's eyes widened, he screams in retaliation, but the guards shut his mouth with force. Lord Microsoft pierces his flesh with the needle. A flourescent orange liquid can be seen coursing through his veins. He falls to the floor, his muscles tightening and constricting in unnatural fashion. His eyes bulge from his skull and he shouts in pain. He slumps over, and in only a moment he comes back to his feet. His pupils dilated and his skin, pale. "How may I serve you, my lord."
August 2021

COVID

Coronavirus

Reddit is a privilege, not a right

I just downvoted your thread. # FAQ: ## What does this mean? The amount of karma (points) on your thread and Reddit account has decreased by one. ## Why did you do this? There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be unworthy of positive or neutral karma. These include, but are not limited to: Rudeness towards other Redditors, Spreading incorrect information, Sarcasm not correctly flagged with a /s. Trump. ## Am I banned from the Reddit? No - not yet. But you should refrain from making comments like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to issue an additional downvote, which may put your commenting and posting privileges in jeopardy. ## I don't believe my comment deserved a downvote. Can you un-downvote it? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I undo a downvote. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a private message explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to Reddit PMs within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of downvote appeals are rejected, and yours is likely no exception. ## How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the downvote and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated on Reddit.com. I will continue to issue downvotes until you improve your conduct. Remember: Reddit is a privilege, not a right.
December 2020

Reddit

Spam this skull for I forgor

twitchquotes: 💀 spam 💀 this 💀 skull 💀 for 💀 i 💀 forgor 💀
twitch chat
October 2021

Rhyme Chant

I forgor

K3soju dating FIRST or EIF

twitchquotes: K3soju met that cute girl. They talked a lot, she seemed perfect. Caring, funny and also unbelievably pretty. He felt that she is the one for him. Once, during their long night conversation, he asked her how many boyfriends she had before him. She said - only one. Michael got furious. "There's no way. I'm not playing for second! I'm FIRST or EIF" Then he muted her and never met her again.
twitch chat
January 2022
k3soju
What happened to this ad? :(

So that was a bruh moment

twitchquotes: She said she was “pregnant,” but I wasn’t buying that. I knew she had gas, and a lot of it. I knew that, if properly coaxed out, she had to potential for the greatest fart *EVER*. So one night I walked into her room and slowly approached her belly, and with my entire weight, I performed the greatest pile driver I have ever done. But instead of the thunderous sound expected, I heard a squish sound. Turns out she was pregnant. So that was a bruh moment.
twitch chat
November 2020

Kaceytron's Porn Producer

twitchquotes: KACEYTRON, HERE'S YOUR PORN PRODUCER CALLING YOU OUT! I COULDN'T REACH YOU ON PORNHUB OR BRAZZERS, SO I'M CALLING YOU OUT HERE ON THE TWITCH CHAT, HOPE YOU DON'T MIND! WE JUST SCHEDULED A NEW MOVIE CALLED "KING DONGER" YOU'LL BE THE MAIN STAR ALONG WITH BEN D'OVER AND KINKY KONG! COME OVER TOMORROW AT 12PM, WE START PRODUCTION AT THAT HOUR. IF YOU DO WELL, YOU'LL HAVE AN EXTRA. <3 XOXO
twitch chat
June 2014
Kaceytron

Auto Chess Tanner

twitchquotes: So you're going by "Reckful" now nerd? Haha whats up rook-4, it's Tanner from DotA Underlords. Remember me? Me and the guys used to stop your win streak in the early rounds. Sorry you were just rolling a lot of pairs lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember Katarina the girl you needed for assassin synergy? Yeah she’s in my imperial comp now. I have over 2 3 stars by round 3-5 and use an epic avatar. I guess some things never change huh 8ht place? Nice catching up lol.
twitch chat
June 2019
Reckful

Tanner from High School

Teamfight Tactics

Darshan the mashtomp

twitchquotes: HELLO cutie it's Darshan the mashtomp and i want to get back into DIG. Even though I don't eat meat i will gladly suck yours for us to DUO REUNITE. I will even get scarra "gragas" wukong to join. Love, Darshan marshan of the il larshan kaperino no fettuchini pastrino
twitch chat
December 2014
imaqtpie
What happened to this ad? :(

Hi I 15 year old somalian rhinoceros

twitchquotes: BibleThump hi I 15 year old somalian rhinoceros i need surgery for gud horn pls send money to my owner nigerian prince pls no pasterino my story BibleThump
twitch chat
August 2015
Reynad
Text-to-Speech Playing