[Copypasta] RIP Joe the Spider

I know this is really stupid but I’m sad about it. Yesterday I had a friend come over. I’m a girl who lives alone so I guess some “dude” stuff hasn’t been done around the house. Context: I have a spider named joe. He’s a dandy long leg. He’s been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust. Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said “you’re welcome”. I’m super confused. So I ask “for what?” He says “I just killed a big ass spider for you”. I couldn’t even contain myself. I just yelled “YOU KILLED JOE?!” And started tearing up. I didn’t tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy. My friend was distraught. He’s a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house. I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joe’s trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure. RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
May 2022
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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I can't wait for you to be our new maid

twitchquotes: Hi Imaqtpie is Reginald Dinh here. I'm messaging to offer you a spot on my team. I think you'd fill the role very well, to be honest I don't know anyone in the scene who is better equipped. I can't wait for you to be our new maid.
twitch chat
October 2014
imaqtpie

League of Legends

A reply to 'k'

K? K what? The letter before L? The letter after J? Did you know that in JK the K stands for “kidding?” So your reply is “kidding?” or K as in Potassium? Do you need some Special K for breakfast? K as in I can K/O you? Can I knock you out and feed you to hungry sharks? Sharks have a K in it. "K"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "K"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only letter you can comprehend is "K" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "K" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about a single letter? I bet you took the time to type that one letter too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "K" on your gravestone? Do you want people to remember you as the asshat who one day decided to respond to someone with a single letter? "Hey, look, everybody! It's that "K" guy!" That's who you are. You're going to be known as the "K" guy. How does it feel? Do you feel happy? Quite honestly, I don't care, which is why I'm not even going to respond to you. Goodbye, and good luck with your future as that guy who said "K".
April 2021

I was only 14 years old I loved xQc so much

I was only 14 years old I loved xQc so much, I had all the merchandise and VODS. I pray to xQc every night, thanking him for the life I've been given. "xQc is love" I say "xQc is life" My dad hears me and calls me a Juicer. I knew he was jealous of my devotion to xQc. I called him baj He hits me and sends me to sleep I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed, really cold. I feel something warm... Its xQc! I was so happy. He whispers in my ear "This is my jungle" He grabs me with his hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I'm ready. I spread my ass cheeks for xQc. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for xQc. I can feel my butt tearing and eyes watering. I want to please xQc. He roars a mighty roar as he fills my butt with the juice. My dad walks in. xQc looks him straight in the eye and says, He got the Juice now. xQc leaves through my window. xQc is love. xQc is life.
January 2022
xQcOW

Being a Karen is low key awesome as hell

Being a Karen is low key awesome as hell. You get to have sweet ass chunky highlights and drive a big hideous SUV you secretly eat 3 donuts a day in and dont report to weight watchers. You can go to your jazzersize class absolutely fucked up on airplane bottles of rum and a perc you got from your friend who has back issues. Call your daughter a whore in front of her friends when she's 12 then pretend not to remember it when she brings it up deeply traumatized in her 20s. Fucking boss bitch shit straight up. Just blasting "dude looks like a lady" max volume flooring it to a target to cause a ruckus returning a bath mat. Not giving a single shit if its problematic. You like it that way. Making your dumbass kids apologize to YOU when you say racist shit. Getting zooted on your strawberry nosed husbands blood pressure meds. Hell yes queen fucking slay.
March 2021

I just screenshotted your NFT FAQ (Reddit)

I just screenshotted your NFT. You may be concerned about this. In case you are, please read the below: # FAQ: ## Why did you screenshot my NFT? I'm not going to tell you. ## Did you screenshot anybody else's NFTs? You could say I am screenshotting everybody's NFTs, but in the case I am telling you that I screenshotted your NFT. ## How are you screenshotting my NFTs? I screenshot when you post them on your profile. ## What are you planning to do with my NFTs? Have them all. ## What do I do about you screenshotting my NFTs? There's nothing you can do. ## When are you going to stop screenshotting my NFTs? You cannot escape me. ## Do I call the police? No. The authorities will not help you. ## What are the consequences of you screenshotting my NFTs? Be aware. ## What if I am ok with you screenshotting my NFTs? I will make sure you’re not. If there are any more questions then please consult your NFT wallet by directly speaking to it. ## Summary: I am screenshotting your NFTs.
November 2021
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