[Copypasta] RIP Joe the Spider

I know this is really stupid but I’m sad about it. Yesterday I had a friend come over. I’m a girl who lives alone so I guess some “dude” stuff hasn’t been done around the house. Context: I have a spider named joe. He’s a dandy long leg. He’s been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust. Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said “you’re welcome”. I’m super confused. So I ask “for what?” He says “I just killed a big ass spider for you”. I couldn’t even contain myself. I just yelled “YOU KILLED JOE?!” And started tearing up. I didn’t tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy. My friend was distraught. He’s a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house. I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joe’s trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure. RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
May 2022
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February 2019

Greetings r/atheism

Greetings, my fellow intellectually superior comrades. I too am an enjoyer of the fedora as well as intellectual matters and enlightenment. I am very pleased to find a space like this where intellects like me can laugh at normie th*ests and jerk off to rule 34 Rick and Morty images like the true sigma Chads we are. Truly a shame that normie sites like Instascam and Crapchat do not possess the intellectual capacity of people like us. That reminds me of a story involving one of my proudest accomplishments. I remember the reason why I got fired from my old job as a scrub, and it is truly a brave, bold, and intellectual moment that I am sure you all will be proud of. So I was doing my rounds at the hospital I was working at and someone's newborn baby has just died form birth complications. Everyone was crying and the mother's parents had assured her that the baby was "in Heaven" and "with God". (cringe, right?) Well I heard this utter nonsense through the hallway and I figured that it was my duty to put these ignoramus th* ists in their place. So I walked into the room and said straight to their faces "but God isn't real and neither is Heaven you normie th* ists. Heaven is a fairy tale made up by a book written 1,000 years ago in a desert by wannabe fantasy writers. Your sky daddy isn't real, and your baby isn't in Heaven because Heaven isn't real either. It's just all black for him like it was before he was convinced in your room. Go read 'the God delusion' by Richard Dawkins, maybe you'll grow a few brain cells." Everyone was shocked, the lady started crying and her parents and husband started yelling at me. The others were just speechless, their months agape. But I wasn't phased, it only made me proud becuase I know that when the th*ists are seething, I am right. So eventually someone must have reported me becuase a day after I got fired for "unprofessionalism and harassment". Ha! More like the simpleton folks cannot understand the intelligence of freethinkers like me, and get mad at those who tell the truth and reality check their delusion of their skydaddy. I didn't care tho. Geniuses are rarely recognized as such in their time. One day they'll look back in history and see that what I did there as well as all the other things I did were revolutionary! I can find a job with more intellectual employers anyway. I was proud to be fired for speaking the truth! Either way, I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy to destroy some skydaddy cock sucking th*ests. Also an updoot on this post would very much be appreciated and wholesome. Edit: I said UPDOOT, not DOWNDOOT! God, are you just as dumb as the th*ists now???
May 2022

Reddit

I Am Very Smart

Chat tries to convince Kripp to play Weasel Tunneler

twitchquotes: 🐿 Every minute, a poor weasel dies from starvation due to unemployment. You, yes, YOU nl_Kripp, can make a difference. By playing at least one weasel in every deck, you ensure a living wage for weasels worldwide. Then again, you could just let them starve, the choice is yours 🐿
twitch chat
December 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

Pepechrist emote

⠄⢀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣶⣤⣄⡀⠄⠄⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣴⣏⣹⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣋⣷⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⢟⣩⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣶⣮⣭⡂⢛⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣍⣛⣂⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⣫⣭⣷⣶⣾⣭⣼⡻⢛⣛⣭⣭⣶⣶⣬⣭⣅⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⡿⢏⣵⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⢉⡉⠙⢿⣇⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠉⢻⡷⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣷⣾⣍⣛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣁⣤⣿⢏⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⣥⣾⠁⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣕⣒⠿⠭⠭⠭⡷⢖⣫⣶⣶⣬⣭⣭⣭⣭⣥⡶⢣⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣟⣛⣭⣾⣿⣿⣿⣝⡛⣿⢟⣛⣛⣁⣀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣀⣀⣀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⢛⣛⣛⣛⣙⣛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣬⣭⣭⠽⣛⢻⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⠛ ⣿⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣛⣛⣶⠶⠶⠶⣦⣭⣭⣭⣭⣶⡶⠶⣾⠟⢸⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄ ⡻⢮⣭⣭⣭⣭⣉⣛⣛⡻⠿⠿⠷⠶⠶⠶⠶⣶⣶⣾⣿⠟⢣⣬⣛⡻⢱⣇⠄⠄ ⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⠶⠒⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⢟⣫⡥⡆⠄⠄ ⢭⣭⣝⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣿⣿⡿⢛⣋⡉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⢸⣿⣧⡅⠄⠄ ⣶⣶⣶⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣵⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠡⣿⣿⡯⠁⠄⠄
November 2019

Pepe

The LGBTQ future

twitchquotes: The year is 2040. The LGBTQ party has taken over the whole world. Being heterosexual is illegal. At age 14, everyone is forced by law to change to another one of the 666 different genders. The last gamers hide in the sewers, eating rats and enjoying decade-old videogames; the last ones without identity politics woven directly in the code. Their last hope: leaving edgy comments in reviews on Steam.
twitch chat
July 2020
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