I know this is really stupid but I’m sad about it.
Yesterday I had a friend come over. I’m a girl who lives alone so I guess some “dude” stuff hasn’t been done around the house.
Context: I have a spider named joe. He’s a dandy long leg. He’s been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust.
Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said “you’re welcome”. I’m super confused. So I ask “for what?” He says “I just killed a big ass spider for you”.
I couldn’t even contain myself. I just yelled “YOU KILLED JOE?!” And started tearing up. I didn’t tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy.
My friend was distraught. He’s a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house.
I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joe’s trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure.
RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Trolling My Office With Among Us (Part 2)
When I went into the office the next day everybody ignored me. So I walked up to a coworker and said "Hey, why are you ignoring me, you're a bit sussy!" He reached for the red phone and I was reminded it looked like the Among us character. So I said "When the phone is sus hahahahhah" and I did the Linus tech tips disappointed face. "Get it? Do you use reddit?" He was talking to management when I cut the phone cord and threw it across the office. I said "Red was the imposter! hahahah!" And I did the among us drip song. "Ding ding ding ding ding, ding ding ding!" He wasn't smiling and he punched me but I said "You're sus! You're the imposter I saw you vent!" He was angry and he tried to punch me again but I grabbed his fist and said "Omae wa mo shinderu." He tried to punch me again he is a loser! He didn't even get my anime reference. So I took off my pants and shoved them on my his head. "You just got pantsed! HAhahahah" and I did the pepe smile and ran out of the office. Who wants to talk to an IMPOSTER? Stupid bitch
Among Us / Amogus
Trolling with Among Us
Sadge brother letter
twitchquotes:
📜 ✍️ 
𝓜𝔂 𝓭𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓽 𝓫𝓻𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻, 𝓘 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓲𝓷 𝓭𝓮𝓮𝓹 𝓶𝓮𝓵𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓵𝔂. 𝓘𝓽 𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓼 𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓲𝓼𝓷'𝓽 𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓬𝓸𝓬𝓴 𝓵𝓮𝓯𝓽
𝓜𝔂 𝓭𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓽 𝓫𝓻𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻, 𝓘 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓲𝓷 𝓭𝓮𝓮𝓹 𝓶𝓮𝓵𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓵𝔂. 𝓘𝓽 𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓼 𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓲𝓼𝓷'𝓽 𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓬𝓸𝓬𝓴 𝓵𝓮𝓯𝓽
twitch chat
Forsen
Kripp, this is an intervention
twitchquotes:
Kripp, this is an intervention. We are very worried about you. Ever since you started playing Hearthstone, you have been becoming more and more casual. We care about you very much, but we can't just sit back and watch you torture yourself. Perhaps religion may help, have you heard of your lord and savior, RNGesus?
twitch chat
Kripp
Fuck you all, I’m never listening to this sub again.
Yesterday I said we’d see a rally like we’ve never seen before
I was ridiculed and the market went down this morning so I accepted defeat and sold my nvda calls and got tesla puts.
My account is down bad right now. I also hedged with a tesla call so hopefully I’ll make something. Somehow oil also tanked.
Fuck you all. I’m only listening to myself now. You’re all retarded and so am I for listening to you.
Edit: not sure why some of you degens think I’m blaming you. Of course it’s my fault. This is a shitpost update. Stop taking it so seriously you retards
See you tomorrow
WallStreetBets
I, a god-level CoD player, could join the military
Ok. Listen up bud. You’re a kid, and you’re getting cocky. You snuck in a few good quick scopes and got a few points ahead of me, but you have no chance. I am a Call of Duty god. I would be killing terrorists in Iraq if it weren’t for the fact that I would punch the drill sergeant in the face if he even looked at me funny. So don’t get cocky, bud. Or just like my kill/death ratio, you’re going down, kid. As soon as I finish the campaign I’m tracking your IP, hunting you down and beating the crap out of you. You’ve been warned.