I know this is really stupid but I’m sad about it.
Yesterday I had a friend come over. I’m a girl who lives alone so I guess some “dude” stuff hasn’t been done around the house.
Context: I have a spider named joe. He’s a dandy long leg. He’s been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust.
Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said “you’re welcome”. I’m super confused. So I ask “for what?” He says “I just killed a big ass spider for you”.
I couldn’t even contain myself. I just yelled “YOU KILLED JOE?!” And started tearing up. I didn’t tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy.
My friend was distraught. He’s a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house.
I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joe’s trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure.
RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Could someone explain forsen to me?
twitchquotes:
Could someone explain forsen to me? I watched his stream for the first time yesterday, always seen him in clips and he spent roughly 80 to 90 percent of the time not talking while his chat spammed a bunch of dogshit, is that all his streams are? Does he not do anything but just sit there silently all day?
twitch chat
Forsen
Bag of bears
twitchquotes:
ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ʕ ͡·ᴥ ͡· ʔ ʕ◕ᴥ◕✿ʔ ʕಠᴥಠʔ ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ʕ ͡·ᴥ ͡· ʔ ʕ◕ᴥ◕✿ʔ ʕಠᴥಠʔ Sorry, I dropped my bag of bears ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ʕ ͡·ᴥ ͡· ʔ ʕ◕ᴥ◕✿ʔ ʕಠᴥಠʔ ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ʕ ͡·ᴥ ͡· ʔ ʕ◕ᴥ◕✿ʔ ʕಠᴥಠʔ
twitch chat
Trick2g
Tired of getting Sniped?
twitchquotes:
Tired of getting Sniped? No problem! Here at Sniper Deflectors™ we can shield your Arena Queue from incoming Snipers with our new patent-pending SniperShield™ Technology! Our shield will bounce incoming sniper shots right back to the sniper-guild recruiter (definitely not DRIVEZY), causing them to effectively Snipe themselves! Buy 24/7 protection now for only $24.99/month!
twitch chat
Kripp
Hearthstone
Red powder found on Summoner's Rift
twitchquotes:
Imaqtpie's games were delayed today after a red powder was found on the rift. After analysis, Rioters determined the red substance, unknown to Imaqtpie, was the remnants of an enemy nexus. Games resumed after Rioters decided Imaqtpie was unlikely to encounter the substance again.
twitch chat
imaqtpie
League of Legends
Biden's America
The year is 2021. You look at the television. SIlver fox President Biden announces a vaccine mandate for employees. You clutch your limited edition Trump Funko Pop. It has begun. You gather up all your belongings, and jump into your truck, hitting the highway for the airport. Out of your rearview mirror you can make out a sleek black Prius pursuing you. You make out the numbers “1” “9” “8” and 4” on their license plate. You are able to lose the Prius and arrive at the airport. You are almost free. At airport security You see a young man being dragged away screaming. The guards yell something about him having more than 3.4 oz of liquid. Thankfully you only have an AR 15 on you. The guard inspects it.
“It’s for hunting,” you say.
They hand it back to you and wave for you to move along. You breathe a sigh of relief.
“One more thing.”
You turn to see a Guard staring down at you with their beady soulless eyes.
“I need to see your vaccination card”
It is too late. You try to run away, but you feel someone press a cloth against your face. Reality fades away. You wake up in some kind of lab, chained down to an operation table and gagged. The room is undecorated except for a single poster of Harry Styles in a dress on the wall. A single figure stands in the corner shrouded in shadow, fiddling with a syringe. As they step out of the shadow, you can make out their face, the roguishly handsome Gavin Newsom. He positions a large surgical headlight above you and turns it on. He holds up the large syringe to the light and chuckles, staring into your pleading eyes.
“Don't worry, it will all be over soon”
He removes his mask to reveal his serpent's tongue, flickering in amusement. He plunges the syringe straight through your “socialism is for figs” shirt into your arm.
“Nighty night”
Your world fades to black once more.