[Copypasta] In Japan, heart surgeon

Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But mistake! Yakuza boss die! Yakuza very mad! I hide fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret. I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
April 2021

Classic

From the office: https://theoffice.fandom.com/wiki/Hidetoshi_Hasagawa
I used to be a real ad
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Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

Your deck is insane, Trump said

twitchquotes: "Your deck is insane." Trump said, as he slipped his feminine hand into Kripp's pants and smirked. "Are you trying to top-deck me?" protests Kripp, as Trump blushes, the boyish figure undressed before Kripp. "Weak tempo play, Trump." The two kissed, deeply and passionately, and afterwards Trump places his Leper Gnome into Kripp's Twisting Nether.
twitch chat
April 2016
Kripp

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Hearthstone

KappaPride

Don't feel too bad after Team Liquid destroys G2

twitchquotes: Hey EU fans, don't feel too bad after Team Liquid absolutely destroys G2 tonight. Being the 2nd best region in the world (after North America of course) is still something to be very proud of! ๐Ÿ™‚
twitch chat
May 2019
Riot Games

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League of Legends

EU vs NA

Chemical Vegan

twitchquotes: Sugar! PJSugar Spice! PJSalt And everything nice! OhMyDog CoolCat KappaPride These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect streamer. But Professor Reynad accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction - Chemical Vegan! Thus, the Kripp was born! BabyRage
twitch chat
June 2016
Kripp

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EMOJI TEST

twitchquotes: EMOJI TEST ๐Ÿ’ฏ IF YOU TOUCH THE EMOJI, OMFG LMFAO LOL XD โŽ ๐Ÿ˜†
twitch chat
June 2017

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Chat Test

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