[Copypasta] In Japan, heart surgeon

Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But mistake! Yakuza boss die! Yakuza very mad! I hide fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret. I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
April 2021

Classic

From the office: https://theoffice.fandom.com/wiki/Hidetoshi_Hasagawa
I used to be a real ad
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AMOGUS (youtube video) v2

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⢛⣿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⣿⣟⠛⠛⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣛ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡿⠁⣀⢀⢀⠀⣀⠀⣀⠀⠀⡀⣀⠙⢷⡀⠺⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⣰⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⢰⢿⣿⢻⡿⣿⢿⣯⡼⣧⡇⣿⡆⢸⡇⠀⠀⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⢀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⣀⡀⠀⠘⢷⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⠃⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⡏⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠀⡀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢷⣄⠈⢙⡷⠀⠀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⡴⠾⠋⠁⣠⡶⠶⠶⠶⠶⣤⡀⠀⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠐⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣶⠻⠟⠛⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡏⣠⣤⠤⠤⣄⡈⢻⡄⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⢰⡖⠲⣶⣶⢤⡤⠤⣤⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⡾⠀⠻⣷⣶⡶⠾⠃⠈⣿⣿⡇⠀⣿⡿⠿⢿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⢀⣉⣛⠛⠉⢠⡙⠲⢿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠇⠀⠀⠀⢰⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⡇⠀⣿⣧⣤⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣌⠛⠿⠿⠖⣎⣤⣶⡛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠉⠙⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢠⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⠠⢤⡀⠀⢀⡬⠟⣻⣿⣯⠍⠻⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⣠⠶⠶⠶⢶⡀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⡀⠀⠀⠉⠓⠋⠀⠀⣳⣾⡴⠂⠀⢹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣸⣰⣛⣛⣺⣀⣀⣸⣆⣀⣀⣸⣇⣀⣀⣸⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠉⠓⢦⣄⣀⣠⣴⣿⣷⣼⣵⣻⡄⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣍⣀⣸⣧⣤⣤⣤⣤⣼⣄⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠛⠛⢻⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛ ⣀⣀⣸⠁⠀⠀⢀⣶⣶⣦⠀⢀⣟⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀
ascii art
November 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Classic

GME $1000 IS NOT A MEME

🚀🚀🚀 UPVOTE/GILD SO PEOPLE CAN SEE 🚀🚀🚀 LISTEN TO ME. DO NOT SELL TOMORROW. OR ANY DAY THIS WEEK. Drops are coming. They are counting on fear to beat us. It’s the only weapon they have on us, but it won’t work because we are retarded. The people are finally taking the power back from these boomer hedge fund big money shorting douchebags - the same people who fucked everyone over in 2008 with CDOs and continue to fuck you over to this day. Get ready to make Melvin throat hard retard dick. We only have strength if we stay in this TOGETHER. HOLD THE LINE. THE SHORT SQUEEZE HASNT HAPPENED YET. Don’t pussy out you fucking idiots. $1000 IS NOT A MEME. I love you all, you beautiful autistic bulls. Hang tight while we ride this thing into the FUCKING STRATOSPHERE. APES TOGETHER STRONG 🦍 💎 🚀
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Classic

Malta vs Penguins

This does not change the fact that in Antarctica there are 21 million penguins and in Malta there are 502,653 inhabitants. So if the penguins decide to invade Malta, each Maltese will have to fight 42 penguins.
May 2021

Classic

Trevor from ChatBotsForTwitch.com

twitchquotes: Hi [insert streamer name], this is Trevor from ChAtBotsForTwitch,com. We kindly request that if you're going to pay the extra to have our employees interact with your chat, you don't make fun of them. We know you have difficulty getting real viewers and it frustrates you, but please don't take it out on my employees. Thank you, Trevor.
twitch chat
March 2021

Classic

This guy's deck is CRAZY

twitchquotes: This guy's deck is CRAZY!” ☑ “My deck can't win against a deck like that” ☑ "He NEEDED precisely those two cards to win" ☑ “He topdecked the only card that could beat me” ☑ "He had the perfect cards" ☑ “There was nothing I could do” ☑ “I played that perfectly”
twitch chat
June 2014
Kripp

Classic

Hearthstone

This Copypasta Is CRAZY!

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Text-to-Speech Playing