[Copypasta] I hate April Fool's Day

I’m fucking shaking and crying right now y’all, and people aren’t taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISN’T FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. I’ve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, they’d be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as I’m BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. I’m allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because IT’S SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. I’ve had enough
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Why Pornhub is a rip-off of Spongebob Squarepants

Welcome back to Watchmojo.com, where we tell you our Top 5 picks for why Pornhub is a rip-off of Spongebob Squarepants. Pornhub is a website for watching stuff that your parents don't like. However, this concept may be based on an episode of the animated series Spongebob Squarepants where the titular main character is watching a video of a flesh-colored anenome dancing, while Gary walks in, and so Spongebob quickly grabs the television's remote and changes the channel immediately. Plankton has once said a phrase while speaking about Spongebob, which is "You will be mine". Many fans suggest that Spongebob (who can't be gay because he is fucking genderless smh) is a homosexual, and while saying this he is referring to his brain, which is, in texture, much like a woman's reproductive organs. In the episode of the Spongebob Squarepants series "Face Freeze", one scene shows Spongebob and Patrick's head looking like male and female external genitalia, and later they sleep in the same tent. Later on, Sandy pulls out her dirty, sharp hands and rubs on Spongebob's face, which may have inspired most videos in Pornhub's "lesbian" category. If you count the scene beforehand, this may also be one of the heterosexual "blowjobs". Another scene of Plankton includes him speaking about the Krabby Patty's secret sauce, he utters, while sweating behind iron bars and inside Spongebob's head, "yes, Yes, YES! COME TO PAPA!". Another one, from the movie, is when he says "Daddy yes!". These may have inspired either BDSM, incest porn, or some hentai. Also, Patrick licks his ass. Many Pornhub videos have used fake Spongebobs as character. Sometimes gay, straight, or even hentai. Especially a video where the opening is horrendously remade version of the Spongebob Squarepants intro theme, and the main character is a black man with a yellow painted face, who decides to refer to himself as "Spongeknob Squarenuts". And now, time for our honorable mentions!!!!! a) in the season 5 episode, "Spy Buddies", Patrick constantly uses his butt laser. This inspired Squirting. b) Squidward mentions that Mr. Krabs' "weiner thing" will "blow up in his face. This enspired Cumming. c) Squidward has also used a vacuum cleaner to suck on his penis. This inspired Vibrators and Fleshlights. d) Spongebob uses both animation and live action in episodes, much like Pornhub has live-action and hentai.
June 2021

Pog

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⡿⠿⠛⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣀⠀⠀⠹⢿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣼ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⣻⣿ ⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣾⡟⠛ ⠿⠿⠿⠛⠋⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣾⠿⠟⠛⠉⠀⠀ ⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠿⢿⣿⣷⣦⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⢿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣶⣤⣶⣶⣶⣦⣄⣀⣠⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣻⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
September 2020

we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce

gf is prego we like to get kinky anyways one night things get particularly saucy i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering ohshitohshitohshitohshit i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital she's still bleeding everywhere by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything he takes one look at ther and says "sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" "WHY THE FUCK NOT???" "we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"
February 2021

Classic

Bring us the Forsen here and now

twitchquotes: ༼ ºل͟º ༽ Magic forces black and white. Reaching out through space and light. A perfect man I summon now. Bring him now into the light. Be he far or be he near. Bring us the Forsen here and now. ༼ ºل͟º ༽
twitch chat
August 2015
Forsen

The attack of Trump's iluminati mods

twitchquotes: Three years have past since the attack of trumps iluminati mods.Reynad, Kripp and a handful of twitch users hid in a cave far away from Value Town, the last stronghold of the spam. ’’Pass me some OJ’’ said the Kripp…Reynad smiled….there wasn’t any left #Rekt.
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad
Text-to-Speech Playing