[Copypasta] Lonely Moby Dick

twitchquotes: So in Moby Dick why does Captain Ahab never consider that the whale is just lonely and looking for love? Clearly it's been through a lot from the scarring and probably wants to settle down in it's golden years. Personnally, if i were captain, i would have been a good human and take 2 and a half feet of whale cock to ease his pain
twitch chat
June 2020
What happened to this ad? :(
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Don't install Talking Roby

When I was 8 years old, I was searching for apps that were like Talking Tom. I found one that was called ā€œTalking Roby The Robotā€, I was curious so I downloaded it and installed it. I played it and I enjoyed every single second of it. I was a big fan of Roby. But when, it was 3 AM, my mom was sleeping so I now could use the phone without mom knowing, Tried the text to speech feature and typed the words ā€œsing like dickā€. The robot said ā€œsing like dickā€. I almost laughed too hard after seeing that. I recorded it and uploaded it to YouTube. after uploading it, I heard The Exorcist theme playing in the living room radio. I was shocked, I couldnā€™t move, and then Roby himself came out of my closet and said ā€œsing like dickā€. I was crying in fear, ā€œis this a nightmare?ā€ I asked. Roby said ā€œnoā€. I was scared, this was real all along? And then Roby bled at me with hyper-realistic eyes and said: ā€œ666ā€. I was crying, and then he disappeared. My life has changed after that moment. Donā€™t install Talking Roby.
February 2021

Troves lump

twitchquotes: So kripp moves closer to trump, whispering nasty things into the air, trump moves away in horror at Kripp's indecency, they both stop for a second and stare into eachothers eyes, kripp finally realises that he troves Lump
twitch chat
May 2015
Kripp

i think its hilarious u kids talking shit about reynad

twitchquotes: i think its hilarious u kids talking shit about reynad. u wouldnt say this shit to him at lan, hes jacked. not only that but he wears the freshest clothes, eats at the chillest restaurants and hangs out with the hottest dudes. yall are pathetic lol.
twitch chat
August 2016
Reynad

Classic

Bad at video games. Get good.

twitchquotes: Hello Streamer. I would like to tell you a story. I am a 44 year old women from Colombia. My babby is 14 yaer old and has ligma so he cannot play vidya games. Everi day he must roll his wheelchair to school where he is bullied because of his condition. When he comes home he has no friends to play with, so the only thing he can do is to watch your stream. Because at least then he will feel good about his life since you are so fucking bad at video games. Fucking loser. Get good.
twitch chat
August 2019

RIP Joe the Spider

I know this is really stupid but Iā€™m sad about it. Yesterday I had a friend come over. Iā€™m a girl who lives alone so I guess some ā€œdudeā€ stuff hasnā€™t been done around the house. Context: I have a spider named joe. Heā€™s a dandy long leg. Heā€™s been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust. Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said ā€œyouā€™re welcomeā€. Iā€™m super confused. So I ask ā€œfor what?ā€ He says ā€œI just killed a big ass spider for youā€. I couldnā€™t even contain myself. I just yelled ā€œYOU KILLED JOE?!ā€ And started tearing up. I didnā€™t tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy. My friend was distraught. Heā€™s a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house. I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joeā€™s trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure. RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
May 2022
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