In Japan π―π΅ , heart surgeon β€οΈπ¨ββοΈ . Number one πβοΈ . Steady handπ³βοΈ. One day, Yakuza boss ππ»need π heartπ. I do operationπͺβοΈ. But, mistakeπ±! Yakuza boss dieπ΅πͺ! Yakuza very madπΏ. I hideπ in fishing boatππ£π»ββοΈ, come to AmericaπππΊπΈ. No englishπ€, no foodπ©, no moneyππ«π². Darryl π¨πΏgive me jobππ¨π»βπΌ. Now I have houseπ‘, American car π , and new woman ππ±π»ββοΈ. Darryl π¨πΏsave lifeβ. My big secretπ: I kill β οΈyakuza boss on purposeπ. I good πsurgeon. The bestππ―!
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"Based"? Are "Based"? Are you fucking kidding me?
"Based"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "Based"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only word you can comprehend is "Based" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "Based" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about five fucking letters? I bet you took the time to type those five letters too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "Based" on your gravestone?
Based
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Natalie Portman is the reason I work out
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Bermuda," I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
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Traveled the entire galaxy trying to find out who asked
β β β β β β .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ.γγγοΎ .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ. γγγγγγγγγγγγγγγβ¦ γγγγγ,γγγγγγγ. β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β γγγγγγγγγγγ. .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ. γγβ¦β γβββγγγ,γγγγγγγγγ β γγγγβ γγ, β β β β β β β β β β β β .γγγγγβγγβ γγγβ .γ Λγγγβ γβ ββγγ,γγγγγγ. . β γγβ ββγγγγγβ β¦β γ . .γγγγ.γγγβ . ΛγγγγγγγγοΎγγγγγ. .β γγβ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ , *γγβ . .γγγγγγγγγγβ β¦ Λγγγγγγγγγγγγγγ .β γγγγγγγγγγ γγγγγγγγγγ.γγγγγγγγ. β¦β γβββγγγ,γγββββ β γγ .γγγγγβγγβ γγγ. Λγγγβ γβ ββγγγγ γγγγγγγγγγγ, .γγγ β βγγββββγγγγγβγγγγγ. Traveled the entire galaxy trying to find out who askedβ β β β β β β .γγγγγγγγγγβ β β β¦ β β γγγγγγγγγγγγγγβ β β β β * β β β .γγγγγγγγγγ. β β β β β β β β β β β β β¦β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ.γγγοΎ .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ.
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Who Asked?
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Put shoe on head to prove not pre-recorded
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γ½ΰΌΌΰΊΩΝΰΊΰΌ½οΎ PUT SHOE ON HEAD TO PROVE NOT PRE-RECORDED γ½ΰΌΌΰΊΩΝΰΊΰΌ½οΎ
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