[Copypasta] Comedy God has entered the building: Attack Helicopter

I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter WEE WOO WEE WOO ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER! steps on stage Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!" Comedy God: "Heh..." adjusts fedora the building is filled with fear and anticipation God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense comedy god clears throat everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard world leaders look and wait with dread everything in the world stops nothing is happening comedy god smirks no one is prepared for what is going to happen comedy god musters all of this power he bellows out to the world "ATTACK" absolute suspense everyone is filled with overwhelming dread "HELICOPTER" all at once, absolute pandemonium commences all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once giant brawls start 43 wars are declared simultaneously a shockwave travels around the earth earth is driven into chaos humanity is regressed back to the stone age the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did people who aren't killed die from laughter literally the funniest joke in the world then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
August 2021

Classic

I used to be a real ad
More Classic Copypastas

Priced in

Don't even ask the question. The answer is yes, it's priced in. Think Amazon will beat the next earnings? That's already been priced in. You work at the drive thru for Mickey D's and found out that the burgers are made of human meat? Priced in. You think insiders don't already know that? The market is an all powerful, all encompassing being that knows the very inner workings of your subconscious before you were even born. Your very existence was priced in decades ago when the market was valuing Standard Oil's expected future earnings based on population growth that would lead to your birth, what age you would get a car, how many times you would drive your car every week, how many times you take the bus/train, etc. Anything you can think of has already been priced in, even the things you aren't thinking of. You have no original thoughts. Your consciousness is just an illusion, a product of the omniscent market. Free will is a myth. The market sees all, knows all and will be there from the beginning of time until the end of the universe (the market has already priced in the heat death of the universe). So please, before you make a post on wsb asking whether AAPL has priced in earpods 11 sales or whatever, know that it has already been priced in and don't ask such a dumb fucking question again.
December 2020

Classic

WallStreetBets

Kripp play game for REAL man like Counterstrike Go!

twitchquotes: Privyet, Komrade Kripp! Is your cousin Dmitri from Mother Russia! I am of hearing that you make much moneys by playing simplistic card game for toddlers and whining like little baby in front of thousands of simpletons! BLYAT! You should play game for REAL man like Counterstrike Go! Already I am recruit by man with enormous forehead for professional team Tampon Storm and will be winning many tournaments, yes! Don't be a cyka, you capitalist pig, and stop crying like baby! Love, Dmitri.
twitch chat
June 2016
Kripp

Classic

Hearthstone

Everything points to Amogus

πŸ‘‰πŸΏπŸ‘‡πŸΏπŸ‘‡πŸΏπŸ‘‡πŸΏπŸ‘‡πŸΏπŸ‘‡πŸΏπŸ‘‡πŸΏπŸ‘‡πŸΏπŸ‘‡πŸΏπŸ‘‡πŸΏπŸ‘ˆπŸΏ πŸ‘‰πŸΏπŸ‘‡πŸΎπŸ‘‡πŸΎπŸ‘‡πŸΎπŸ‘‡πŸΎπŸ‘‡πŸΎπŸ‘‡πŸΎπŸ‘‡πŸΎπŸ‘‡πŸΎπŸ‘‡πŸΎπŸ‘ˆπŸΏ πŸ‘‰πŸΏπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‡πŸ½πŸ‘‡πŸ½πŸ‘‡πŸ½πŸ‘‡πŸ½πŸ‘‡πŸ½πŸ‘‡πŸ½πŸ‘‡πŸ½πŸ‘ˆπŸΎπŸ‘ˆπŸΏ πŸ‘‰πŸΏπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‰πŸ½πŸ‘‡πŸΌπŸ‘‡πŸΌπŸ‘‡πŸΌπŸ‘‡πŸΌπŸ‘‡πŸΌπŸ‘ˆπŸ½πŸ‘ˆπŸΎπŸ‘ˆπŸΏ πŸ‘‰πŸΏπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‰πŸ½πŸ‘‰πŸΌπŸ‘‡πŸ»πŸ‘‡πŸ»πŸ‘‡πŸ»πŸ‘ˆπŸΌπŸ‘ˆπŸ½πŸ‘ˆπŸΎπŸ‘ˆπŸΏ πŸ‘‰πŸΏπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‰πŸ½πŸ‘‰πŸΌπŸ‘‰πŸ» ࢞ πŸ‘ˆπŸ»πŸ‘ˆπŸΌπŸ‘ˆπŸ½πŸ‘ˆπŸΎπŸ‘ˆπŸΏ πŸ‘‰πŸΏπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‰πŸ½πŸ‘‰πŸΌπŸ‘†πŸ»πŸ‘†πŸ»πŸ‘†πŸ»πŸ‘ˆπŸΌπŸ‘ˆπŸ½πŸ‘ˆπŸΎπŸ‘ˆπŸΏ πŸ‘‰πŸΏπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‰πŸ½πŸ‘†πŸΌπŸ‘†πŸΌπŸ‘†πŸΌπŸ‘†πŸΌπŸ‘†πŸΌπŸ‘ˆπŸ½πŸ‘ˆπŸΎπŸ‘ˆπŸΏ πŸ‘‰πŸΏπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘†πŸ½πŸ‘†πŸ½πŸ‘†πŸ½πŸ‘†πŸ½πŸ‘†πŸ½πŸ‘†πŸ½πŸ‘†πŸ½πŸ‘ˆπŸΎπŸ‘ˆπŸΏ πŸ‘‰πŸΏπŸ‘†πŸΎπŸ‘†πŸΎπŸ‘†πŸΎπŸ‘†πŸΎπŸ‘†πŸΎπŸ‘†πŸΎπŸ‘†πŸΎπŸ‘†πŸΎπŸ‘†πŸΎπŸ‘ˆπŸΏ πŸ‘‰πŸΏπŸ‘†πŸΏπŸ‘†πŸΏπŸ‘†πŸΏπŸ‘†πŸΏπŸ‘†πŸΏπŸ‘†πŸΏπŸ‘†πŸΏπŸ‘†πŸΏπŸ‘†πŸΏπŸ‘ˆπŸΏ
March 2022

Among Us / Amogus

Classic

Hey Kripp, it’s me Jimmy from high school

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, it’s me Jimmy from high school. Its so cool to see you streaming on Twitch. Me and Dustin really miss you. The cheerleading team is nothing without you. And remember that kiss you and I shared in the back of the bus? Those were some good times. We should definitely hook up again XOXO
twitch chat
April 2018
Kripp

Classic

Tanner from High School

NOW WE JEBAITED

twitchquotes: Jebaited KAPPA OUTDATED Jebaited POGCHAMP OVERRATED Jebaited LONG HAVE WE WAITED Jebaited NOW WE JEBAITED Jebaited
twitch chat
September 2016

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing