[Copypasta] Comedy God has entered the building: Attack Helicopter

I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter WEE WOO WEE WOO ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER! steps on stage Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!" Comedy God: "Heh..." adjusts fedora the building is filled with fear and anticipation God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense comedy god clears throat everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard world leaders look and wait with dread everything in the world stops nothing is happening comedy god smirks no one is prepared for what is going to happen comedy god musters all of this power he bellows out to the world "ATTACK" absolute suspense everyone is filled with overwhelming dread "HELICOPTER" all at once, absolute pandemonium commences all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once giant brawls start 43 wars are declared simultaneously a shockwave travels around the earth earth is driven into chaos humanity is regressed back to the stone age the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did people who aren't killed die from laughter literally the funniest joke in the world then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
August 2021

Classic

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Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro

twitchquotes: Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy and pasted it to word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like...not like the stories your generation tells.
twitch chat
April 2020

Classic

Among Us crewmate

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣢⣦⣀⣄⑀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⒀⣴⣿⑿⠛⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻Ⓙ⣿⣷⣀⑀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β£Όβ£Ώβ ‹β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β£€β£€β ˆβ’»β£Ώβ£Ώβ‘„β €β €β €β € ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⑏⠀⠀⠀⣠⣢⣾⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿Ⓙ⣿⣿⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀ β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β£Ώβ£Ώβ β €β €β’°β£Ώβ£Ώβ£―β β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ ™β’Ώβ£·β‘„β € β €β €β£€β£€β£΄β£Άβ£Άβ£Ώβ‘Ÿβ €β €β €β’Έβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£†β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β£Ώβ£·β € β €β’°β£Ώβ‘Ÿβ ‹β ‰β£Ήβ£Ώβ‘‡β €β €β €β ˜β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£·β£¦β£€β£€β£€β£Άβ£Άβ£Άβ£Άβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ € ⠀Ⓒ⣿⑇⠀⠀⣿⣿⑇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⑿⠃⠀ ⠀⣸⣿⑇⠀⠀⣿⣿⑇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⑿⠿⠿⠛Ⓕ⣿⑇⠀⠀ ⠀⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⑇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Ⓒ⣿⣧⠀⠀ ⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⑇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Ⓒ⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⑇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Ⓒ⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀Ⓙ⣿⑆⠀⠀⣿⣿⑇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Ⓒ⣿⑇⠀⠀ ⠀⠸⣿⣧⑀⠀⣿⣿⑇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠛Ⓙ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣷⣢⣢⣢⣢⠢⠀⒠⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⑇⠀⣽⣿⑏⠁⠀⠀Ⓒ⣿⑇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⑇⠀Ⓓ⣿⑆⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀ β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’Ώβ£Ώβ£¦β£„β£€β£ β£΄β£Ώβ£Ώβ β €β ˆβ »β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ώβ β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ ›β »β Ώβ Ώβ Ώβ Ώβ ‹β β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €
September 2020

Among Us / Amogus

Classic

You've been gnomed

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October 2018

Classic

Bumper Ameng burger

twitchquotes: Bumper stared at the burger in his hand. Normally, he loved chowing down on his Big Mac like he chowed on these beta tanks like Swon or Muma or Super. But not today. Today, this burger was a sign of his failure. The double patties of meat reminded him not of succulent juicy beef but only the mighty veiny vascular muscles of Ameng. The seeded bread buns? It was Ameng’s cheeks as he squatted on Bumper’s face. The tomato? It was his blood dripping off Ameng’s hammer. The mayo? You know what it is
twitch chat
March 2019
OverwatchLeague

Classic

Overwatch

I fucked Up DVD

Earlier today I was really horny, and I saw what I thought to be a blank DVD. I thought, DVDs have a tight hole, they might feel pretty good. So I put my soft pp into the hole of the DVD, and for a few seconds as I started getting harder, it felt pretty good, but then, once I was fully erect, it started being painful. My pp was stuck in the DVD, and I had to break it in half to get if out. It was then when I flipped the broken DVD over and realized that it was not a blank DVD, but a copy of the Pixar movie Up.. Well guys, guess I fucked up.
April 2022

Classic

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