I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter
WEE WOO WEE WOO
ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER!
steps on stage
Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!"
Comedy God: "Heh..."
adjusts fedora
the building is filled with fear and anticipation
God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense
comedy god clears throat
everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard
world leaders look and wait with dread
everything in the world stops
nothing is happening
comedy god smirks
no one is prepared for what is going to happen
comedy god musters all of this power
he bellows out to the world
"ATTACK"
absolute suspense
everyone is filled with overwhelming dread
"HELICOPTER"
all at once, absolute pandemonium commences
all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once
giant brawls start
43 wars are declared simultaneously
a shockwave travels around the earth
earth is driven into chaos
humanity is regressed back to the stone age
the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself
all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did
people who aren't killed die from laughter
literally the funniest joke in the world
then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
I used to be a real ad
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Gachi pose
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⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣠⣤⡾⢏⢠⣶⣶⣾⡑⡀⢸⠋⠁⠄⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⢀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠁⠰⣋⢫⢲⡇⠛⠄⠄⢀⣠⣤⣉⠻⠿⠿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⢰⣿⣿⣟⣋⣉⣁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣆⣂⡕⠼⠂⠉⣿⣿⡇⢏⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⢸⢋⡁⢊⠒⣲⡶⠊⢁⣴⣿⣿⣿⣦⣦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠙⠻⣿⡟⠄⡆⢸⣧⣾⣶⣤⣤⣾⡿⣿⣿⠿⡻⣻⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠠⣾⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⣥⣾⣿⠿⣛⠅⢰⣗⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣶⣶⣿⣟⣛⣛⣛⠲⠿⣵⣿⣟⢅⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢹⡟⠋⣠⣤⣤⣤⣍⡑⠂⠬⢉⣾⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⠁⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠷⢶⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠄⢉⣁⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⠈⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡍⠟⢁⣠⣤⣶⣶⣤⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⣷⣦⣀⠉⠿⣿⡇⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡀⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠹⠇⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠈⠙⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇
Forsen
Classic
KappaPride
Fuck You Chat
⠄⢸⣿⡟⠛⠛⠃⢸⣿⡇⠄⠄⣿⡇⠄⣼⣿⠟⠻⣿⣆⠄⣿⣿⢠⣾⣿⠋⠄⠄
⠄⢸⣿⣷⣶⣶⠄⢸⣿⡇⠄⠄⣿⡇⠄⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄
⠄⢸⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣧⣀⣰⣿⡇⠄⢿⣿⣀⣠⣿⡶⠄⣿⣿⠃⢹⣿⣆⠄⠄
⠄⠘⠛⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠛⠛⠛⠋⠄⠄⠈⠛⠛⠛⠛⠁⠄⠛⠛⠄⠄⠛⠛⠃⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣤⡄⠄⠄⣤⣤⠄⢀⣠⣤⣄⡀⠄⢠⣤⡄⠄⠄⣤⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
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⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿⡿⠁⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⢸⣿⡇⢸⣿⡇⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⡇⠄⠄⠹⣿⣦⣤⣼⣿⠃⠄⣿⣷⣤⣴⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠛⠃⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠛⠋⠁⠄⠄⠈⠙⠛⠛⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
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⠄⠄⣾⣿⠋⠙⠿⠗⠄⣿⣿⣀⣀⣿⣿⠄⠄⣸⣿⢿⣷⠄⠛⠛⣿⣿⠛⠛⠄⠄
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Classic
I hate Twitch Chat
Kripp play game for REAL man like Counterstrike Go!
twitchquotes:
Privyet, Komrade Kripp! Is your cousin Dmitri from Mother Russia! I am of hearing that you make much moneys by playing simplistic card game for toddlers and whining like little baby in front of thousands of simpletons! BLYAT! You should play game for REAL man like Counterstrike Go! Already I am recruit by man with enormous forehead for professional team Tampon Storm and will be winning many tournaments, yes! Don't be a cyka, you capitalist pig, and stop crying like baby! Love, Dmitri.
twitch chat
Kripp
Classic
Hearthstone
Stroll in my local GameStop
stroll into my local GameStop
looking to pick up a copy of Binding of Isaac
grab the game and take it to the charming maiden at the register
"Pardon me, milady...but could you ring me up? A shame I don't have your number or I'd ring you up instead..."
she giggles and takes the game, blushing as her fingers brush mine due to my fingerless gloves
her eyes widen as she reads the game's title
"Wow, I've never seen anyone buy this before! You must have special taste!"
I smile and ready a witty response when suddenly a voice rings out from behind
"Hahaha look at what this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ is buying! That's not Call of Duty Advanced Memefare! What a piece of ♥♥♥♥!"
I quickly turn around, my cloak billowing behind me, to discern the source of the rude outburst
generic dudebro caricature with a sports team cap and "the guy that beat you up that one time behind the school in early October" shirt is standing there guffawing
"Excuse me sir...you may disparage my person if you wish, but it is untoward to swear in front of a lady."
"♥♥♥♥ you ♥♥♥♥♥♥!"
I smile quietly and tip my fedora low across my eyes, concealing them
"As you wish..."
I quickly swing my cane into his kneecap before he can react
he bellows and charges forward
I expertly sidestep him and the cashier screams as he crashes into the counter
I draw my sword-cane and mutter a quiet oath as I drive it deep into his back
"...requiescat in pace..."
As I clean my blade the girl walks out from behind the counter, twirling her hair with her fingers
"So...maybe you'd like to come over to my place to play that game sometime...?
"No thanks, milady, it's only single player. Besides..."
I sheath my sword
"You're not my type."
skate away on my Heelys
Classic
MONTHLY PLEB TEST
twitchquotes:
PLEASE COPY PASTE THIS FOR YOUR MONTHLY PLEB TEST: ✓ amazW ✓ krippW ✓ trumpW ✓ btsLdW ✓ reynadW ✓ kolentoW ✓ bajW ✓ btsKotlW ✓ dewW ✓ emjaneW ✓ forsenW ✓ krippW ✓ mitchW ✓ singsingFcuk ✓ reckW ✓ sodaW ✓ btsGodzW ✓ merliniHappyMerlini ✓ taymooW ✓ rtzW ✓ admiralW ✓ envySwag ✓ sumailKappa ✓ btsMerliniW ✓ wtrWtR ✓ dagerDendi ✓ ppdSalt ✓ fearGASM ✓ singsingP ✓ fluffyW ✓ ratW ✓ Pleb test passed
twitch chat