[Copypasta] Todd Howard Fallout 76 announcement

twitchquotes: Hey, gamers. It's me, Todd Howard with an important announcement. Fallout 76 was all an early April Fools' joke. To help us release the REAL game, Fallout: New Vegas 2, all I need is your credit card number, the expiration month and year, and the three digits on the back.
twitch chat
November 2018
What happened to this ad? :(
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Infinite Cum Part 2

Your eyes slowly open. Crusty from months of wear from stray globs of semen and cosmic dust. You are in a room and you can no longer see your member, or rather, what was left of it. There are tubes leading away from your pelvis, pumping and pulsating. There is a glass window across from you and a person dressed in a white jacket. A woman. She looks up from her clipboard to see you are awake. At first she is uninterested, but then her eyes slam open and a beaming smile crosses her face. Her eyes filled with curiosity. β€œYou’re awake!” She cries over the loudspeakers that you only just now notice embedded into the top corners of the room. β€œWhere am I?” You ask, filled with fear and excitement. You thought you would never see a human again and you would be destined to suffer endlessly across the cosmos. β€œYou are on Saturn. You crashed into it and due to it’s extreme mass you were able to stop. We picked you up because you may be the key to saving humanity for all eternity.” β€œHow?” You ask as a smile begins to creep across your face, imagining that you could be an icon for humanity. β€œYou have been addressed as the Cosmic Unknown Mass Semen Generator, or CUMS-G for short. The fault in reality that caused your affliction can be used for the good of humanity. By using the mass you produce we will never have to worry about energy again, as by converting your biomass into energy we have unlimited power for the rest of time. When the stars die and the cosmos sink into nothing, humanity will be able to continue thanks to you. The anomaly that created you is easily one of the greatest discoveries humanity has ever had, on par with the discovery of fire.” β€œWill I not die?” β€œYou can’t die. You are immortal. You don’t even have a body and yet you continue to exist” … Hours later, she leaves to tell her superiors. They do not greet you. They exchange high-fives and party but they do not speak to you. Months pass. The cum accelerates. Then years. The cum accelerates. Then decades. The cum accelerates. Then centuries. The cum accelerates. Then eons. The cum accelerates. No one talks to you. You don’t even know if humanity is alive anymore or if they have left you to exist for the rest of eternity. The tubes around you have gotten far thicker and more high tech as the ferocity of your semen expulsion increased. Eventually the walls around you cave in. Only then do you see the truth. Their plan was flawed.
April 2022

Infinite Cum

Based

"Based"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "Based"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only word you can comprehend is "Based" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "Based" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about five fucking letters? I bet you took the time to type those five letters too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "Based" on your gravestone?
March 2021

Don't get salt Reynad!

twitchquotes: (β—•β€Ώβ—•βœΏ) Don't get salty Reynad! Ur doing great! (β—•β€Ώβ—•βœΏ)
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

salty

TWITCH RAIN

twitchquotes: β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€” β”β˜†οΎŸ. * ο½₯ ο½‘οΎŸβ˜†οΎŸ. * TWITCH RAIN゚ ο½‘οΎŸβ˜†. * ο½₯ ο½‘οΎŸβ˜†β” β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€” imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch imGlitch
twitch chat
March 2019

Before I know it, the entire neighbourhood is soaked

twitchquotes: Hi, Reckfull here, from noLife gaming. This is just a friendly reminder that whenever I see BabyRage or something similar, I lose control of my bodily functions and go into a mad, crazed state of unrelenting sexual frenzy! Before I know it, the entire neighborhood is soaked, and worst of all, I have to order a new Mr. Duckβ„’ every time! So please, remember to keep your children at least 100 yards from my property, and try to keep the BabyRage to a minimum, for everyone's sake. Thanks!
twitch chat
November 2014
Reckful
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