Kripp copypastas

“Give me a second, guys,” Kripp says. “Gotta hit up the bathroom” He turns down the volume on his microphone, and immediately springs up from his chair and shouts "I LOVE THIS GAME!" before giving Dex a swift pat on the head. As Dex yips loudly in delight, Kripp runs over to give Rania a kiss on the cheek. Rania then tries to take out the trash, but Kripp swiftly grabs the bag from her and does it for her. Elated, Kripp wipes the sweat off his forehead, sits back down, and resumes his stream.

We have claimed, for Electoral Vote purposes, the Commonwealth of Veganism (which won’t allow legal meat eaters) the State of Twitch, and the State of Kripparian, each one of which has a BIG Vegan lead. Additionally, we hereby claim the State of Lettuce if, in fact, there was a large number of secretly dumped carrots as has been widely reported!

"Alright, time for a quick bathroom break. Prime it up guys." I say as i take off my headphones. Once i'm out of camera view, i break down. The tears won't stop. "Goddamn it, i can't do this shit anymore." Rania puts her hand on my shoulder, "Just a few more years, then you'll be able to retire." She never understood. She never had to spend the hours playing this fucking card game over and over every night. But she's right, i have to keep going. Just a little longer and i'll be free...

BOB “You’re doing GREAT out there!” I exclaim with as much enthusiasm as I can this late in the day. The scraggly vegan is the only one left in the tavern, his attention focused entirely on the card game we put out to entertain children and toddlers. “I don’t wanna talk about it guys” cries the man, knocking his cup of vegan water over. I try to reassure him that everyone has bad luck now and then, but he just ignores me, as always. This tavern attracts some strange types indeed.

It’s 11 p.m. and i've finally gotten comfortable in bed. It's been a long day and finally being able to get some rest is such a luxury. But my peace is soon broken as my husband shouts from the other room "OH COME ON! That was such BULLSHIT! Fucking highrolled AGAIN." Why did i do this to myself. Why did I marry this angry bald internet man? I haven't slept properly in months for his constant yelling throughout the night. God help me.

"Alright, time for a quick bathroom break. Prime it up guys." I say as i take off my headphones. Once i'm out of camera view, i break down. The tears won't stop. "Goddamn it, i can't do this shit anymore." Rania puts her hand on my shoulder, "Just a few more years, then you'll be able to retire." She never understood. She never had to spend the hours playing this fucking card game over and over every night. But she's right, i have to keep going. Just a little longer and i'll be free...

I saw Kripp at the tavern yesterday. I told him it would be cool to see him play arena again. He said, “Why, so you can snipe me at 8 wins?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I thought he was going for a brofist, so I extended my hand only to have it slapped away in disgust. Later on I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen murlocs in his hands without paying.

Dear Mr. Kripparian, thank you so much for finally picking Pogo! Ever since you picked Pogo, his grades have gone up, he finally got a girlfriend, and he's stopped masturbating all day in his bedroom. I was certain my little Pogo was going to end up a lifeless virgin loser for his entire life, but your kind actions have put Pogo on a path for success. Thank you, thank you, you have my sincerest gratitude. Much love, Pogo's mom.

Hi Kripp this is Battlemaster's wife Housewifemaster, i've noticed that my husband is never home to play with the Childrenmasters and they are really missing their Fathermaster. Could you choose my dear Husbandmaster less so that my kids can grow up with an actual Dadmaster? Thank you Kripp, maybe he can take you to Gymmaster so you can put some muscle on that scrawny vegan body.

Hey guys Saltarian here, just want to let chat know that in order to survive I need to Feast upon the salt energy that kripp produces upon experiencing a long bout of bad luck. So please snipe and emote him in ways that will evoke his true salt essence. with enough salt I will take control of his scrawny vegan body and I will give chat what they have been waiting for all along...

I saw Kripp at the tavern yesterday. I told him it would be cool to see him play arena again. He said, “Why, so you can snipe me at 8 wins?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I thought he was going for a brofist, so I extended my hand only to have it slapped away in disgust. Later on I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen murlocs in his hands without paying.

Hi Kripp, this is Hungrybox's mom. I noticed you are in need of a "comeback" you keep screaming about how "unlucky: and how "unfair" your little game is. Maybe Your moves are a little off because you are hungry. I think you should take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and think how it would feel if you ate some CAMPBELL'S CHUNKY SOUP. Its made with your favorite ingredient: Salt.

Hey dirtbag, this is Pogo's father. I hear you trash talking my son and ignoring my wife. I know you got some weird murloc fetish but you better pick my son or I'll get my old high school buddy Tanner and we will shove those carrots where the vegan sun don't shine.

Enough with the bullshit Kripp. We all know you've hid away the best decks for this expansion to be showing off to the ladies, and we in chat find that really weird. All we want is to watch you win, and yet you play some bullshit hunter for some bullshit reason and all you do is lose. Show us the decks Kripp. Show us THE decks.

Late last year, we were on an expedition to find the rarest hairstyle of them all.. the "MALDHAWK" A combination of MALD and a hawk nest, it combines the fluidity of middle aged male pattern baldness to a contrast of dead rats. Much to our chagrin, we found it April 13th, 2020, on a morose Canadian gypsy's stream. He had over 10k viewers at the time of writing this

Late last year, we were on an expedition to find the rarest hairstyle of them all.. the "MALDHAWK" A combination of MALD and a hawk nest, it combines the fluidity of middle aged male pattern baldness to a contrast of dead rats. Much to our chagrin, we found it April 13th, 2020, on a morose Canadian gypsy's stream. He had over 10k viewers at the time of writing this

Hi Kripp, this is Pogo’s mom. I noticed you haven’t been picking my son for your team in gym class. Pogo has been having a really tough time since his dad and I split up, and it doesn’t make it easy on him when you reroll and say, "We’re never taking Pogo". I think you should take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and think how it would feel if someone said that about you. Pogo has mech synergy and can be combined into one big Pogo if you have 3! Why don’t you try being a bit more inclusive?

Hey Kripp! It's Arena... It's been a while, haven't it old buddy? I see that you've been playing Battlegrounds and have completely forgotten about me, even though I was always there for you. Low blow Kripp, hope you finish 8th in all your next games. Toodles!

The year is 2024. The United States of America is now known as West Iran after the assassination of Supreme Leader Donald Trump from drone warfare. I hide in my nuclear bunker, praying to God that I survive another night. I open my laptop and see Kripp streaming some HS battlegrounds, still forcing murlocs and hardstuck at 7k MMR. "Still never lucky, huh old friend..." I whisper to myself as the bombs fall outside...