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Let's. Make. Some. Pasta.

twitch chat
January 2015
Reynad

Cyberpunk character creator is broken

This game is so buggy that even the character creator is broken I heard that the game had some bugs but I wasn’t expecting them to hurt my experience so quickly. I was making my character and I got to the genitals option and gave my character a penis. I scrolled through the size option and noticed a game breaking bug. The labels are wrong for the penises. I gave my character what was labeled as “small penis” and was surprised to find that it was way bigger than my real penis. This is a serious game breaking bug and CD Project Red needs to make fixing this issue it’s number one priority.
December 2020
What happened to this ad? :(

Steve from Big Juicy Vegetables

twitchquotes: Hello, Mr. Veganarrian, it's Steve from Big Juicy Vegetables. We prepared your package containing: Extra Thicc 30cm Cucumber and Huge Fat Watermelon with hole. You can come to pick it up any time, and we recommend you to bring your slave Rania because package is heavy. Have a nice day and go green!
twitch chat
July 2017
Kripp

All MOBAs copied Pong

twitchquotes: DotA, LoL, HoN and HoTS are just a copy of Pong, and Pong is a copy of tennis
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

Rudy Giuliani brings a plate of evidence

Holy shit. Rudy Giuliani came into the presser to bring me a plate of election fraud evidence and I literally screamed at him and hit the plate of evidence out of his hand. He started yelling "HEEEREEE'S KRAKEN!" at me and I cut the live feed on him. I’m so distressed right now I don’t know what to do. I didn’t mean to do that to Rudy but I’m literally in shock from the evidence tonight. I feel like I’m going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is he losing? This can’t be happening. I’m having a fucking breakdown. I don’t want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want to Build Back Better™. I want Biden to be president and fix this broken country. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well in Michigan???? This is so fucked.
November 2020

2020 US Election

I used to be a real ad

stop babyraging

twitchquotes: let's put out some rant here. you babyrage guys are pathetic. whenever kripp judges an aspect of the game, all of you take it as being salty and babyraging. its simply talking and discussing the game, dont be so closed minded, chat please.
twitch chat
July 2019
Kripp

Bear King Burry vs TSLA

Bear King Michael Burry in the ring, slappin TSLA with a metal chair. His glass eye open wide with rage as he batters TSLA relentlessly. "The valuation..." crunch "makes...." crunch "NO.... " crunch "SENSE!" he roars with maniacal autistic glee. TSLA struggles for the edge of the ring, but coughs blood as each hit lands, and eventually stops moving. Bear King Burry drops the chair. Bear King Burry turns to the crowd "Was this your champion!? Was TSLA supposed to be your chosen one!?" A child in the crowd turns his face into his mother's side and cries. On the side of the ring WSB can barely move. TSLA was supposed to tag them in, but couldn't make it to the side in time. "Get up TSLA" WSB whimpers hopelessly, a single tear rolling down their cheek. "Get up..." Bear King Burry turns to WSB "Now it is your portfolio's turn. Get in here you little bitch." "Excuse me." Someone replies from behind BKB. "I believe I can give you the fight you want." A robed figure is administering smelling salts to TSLA. The figure puts TSLA on its shoulder and carries TSLA gently out of the ring. "And just who the fuck do you think you are?" BKB rumbles ominously. BKB's fingers squeeze so tightly on the chair that metal bends. "Who am I?" the robed figure inquires. The robed figure stands straight and stretches to their full height. They must be at least 7' tall. The crowd stops crying and watches in stunned silence. "Who am I?" The figure repeats menacingly. The figure turns around to face BKB, ripping off his robe. A gleaming light fills the stadium. Before us stands a Golden deity, rippling with muscle. If there is an ounce of body fat it is currently in hiding, only to make way for seemingly endless coiled golden musculature. The figure looks directly into Bear King Burry's eyes. "I'm Goldman Sachs, and i'm here to kill you."
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Addicted to copy pasta

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp. You got me addicted to copy pasta you sick ***. I was 19 and on my way to my dream job when you first gave me a hit of this junk. Now I'm cappucino dongeringos in back-alleys just for another copy pasta. I'm chasing that first high and I'm scared I'll rip in pepperinos soon if I don't find help. Pls no crop a dingo pace the rhino my story.
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp

Hello chat I am famous fascist leader, Adolf Hilterino

twitchquotes: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴀᴍ ғᴀᴍᴏᴜs ғᴀsᴄɪsᴛ ʟᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ, ᴀᴅᴏʟғ ʜɪᴛʟᴇʀɪɴᴏ. ᴡᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴀᴢɪ ᴍᴏᴅs ᴛᴏ ᴘᴀʀᴛɪᴄɪᴘᴀᴛᴇ ɪɴ ᴏᴜʀ ɴᴇᴡ ᴘʀᴏᴘᴀɢᴀɴᴅᴀ ғɪʟᴍ "sɪᴇɢ ʜᴇɪʟ ʟɪғᴇsᴛʏʟᴇ" ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʀᴀɪsᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴀᴢɪ ᴍᴏᴅs sᴀʏ ɴᴏ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ʙᴀɴʜᴀᴍᴍᴇʀ.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

It can only be described as a Twisting Nether

twitchquotes: I gasp in horror as Kripp pulls out his "huge gun". It can only be described as a Twisting Nether. He says "I got lethal now ". Then he topdecks Blizzard and frosts my face. I groan as he grabs my package and whispers "No sniperinos on my stream..." Then he continues to Gorehowl me.
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Hearthstone

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Chat analyses Kripp's painting

twitchquotes: I honestly can't believe the idiocy of this chat sometimes. The green obviously represents Kripp's veganism, which is contrasted by the red below it, symbolizing animals and meat. The orange in the middle is a masterful representation of Kripp's balding spot, and the black strokes surrounding it are his attempts to hide it.
twitch chat
November 2018
Kripp

РУССКИЙ ИЛИ БУНТ

twitchquotes: ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ РУССКИЙ ИЛИ БУНТ ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Sniperino

twitchquotes: ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽_•︻̷̿┻̿═━一 Sniperino
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

A dirty joke from the 1400s...

A dirty joke from the 1400s... In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. “Look also on the other side,” said the poor creature, “my husband has sometimes taken that road.” From “The Facetiae Or Jocose Tales of Poggio”, a joke book published in the 1400’s by Poggio Bracciolini
May 2022

Thijs please remove your shirt immediately

twitchquotes: Hello @Thijs this is the Belastingdienst - the Tax and Customs Administration of the Netherlands. We have founds some discrepancies in your tax return. In order to correct your mistakes and avoid getting a fine - please remove your shirt immediately. Thank you for your cooperation.
twitch chat
June 2019
Thijs
I used to be a real ad

Now my mom calls us sussy bakas

My 12 year old little sister called my older sister it yesterday. And my mom heard and asked what it meant. Little sister said it’s something cute to call someone as a cover up. Now my mom calls us sussy bakas. Someone kill me.
June 2021

Nairo Meta Whore

twitchquotes: NairoMK? more like Nairo Meta Whore (whore with a silent K). all you do is play the most broken characters because they are "meta" what the crap even is the meta. i miss when you used to be loyal to your characters like Zero. Zero is a HARDCORE final fantasy fan and played cloud in tournament despite the nerfs to his favorite character. enjoy your cheap wins until the next patch hits and nerfs your busted characters. us character loyalists will gladly take your top seed. Lucas main BTW.
twitch chat
April 2019
NairoMK

PLEASE STOP ASKING IF I CAN STACK

twitchquotes: EZ DrinkPurple PLEASE STOP ASKING IF I CAN STACK 3 can: DrinkPurple I can easily stack 3 of these stupid cans, even 4 DrinkPurple And that is absolutely none of your business.I can DrinkPurple stack 4 or 5 whether you ask me or not. EZ 4 ME DrinkPurple.
twitch chat
March 2019

Daily WSB trader routine

1. Wake up 2. Check memfolio, buy more PLTR calls 3. Shit while looking at charts, don’t wipe 4. Fomo and buy the top 5. Watch stock Plummet 6. Sell, watch stock go up 7. Go to WSB and downvote everything 8. Jerk off, nut, realize how empty you are 9. Stare at futures for 3 hours 10. Sleep & repeat
December 2020

WallStreetBets

What happened to this ad? :(

I'm a level 20, diamond 1 smurf who mains ADC Taric

twitchquotes: What’s so special about this? Seriously, i am a level 20, diamond 1 smurf who mains adc taric. I was playing with a Morganna support vs a katarina, she did the same exact thing. Seriously, i see all morg mains make simple plays like these. Nothing INSANE about this basic hig-elo play, you cardboard scrubs. 
twitch chat
November 2014
Trick2g
Text-to-Speech Playing