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I was only nine years old. I loved Morbius so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Morbius every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Morbius is love", I would say, “Morbius is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Morbius. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Morbius. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, “It’s morbin time". He grabs me with his powerful morby hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Morbius. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Morbius. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Morbius. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Morbius looks him straight in the eye, and says, "Get morbed". Morbius leaves through my window. Morbius is love. Morbius is life.

Using my alt account because of personal reasons. So anyway, I[69M(literally)] am a high government official of a country with a strong military. Anyway, I am clinically diagnosed with Invasiontia[for anyone who doesn't know it's meaning, it basically means my mind forces me to invade countries, very few people are diagnosed with it(like Adolf Hitler), so i guess it makes me quirky uwu], so i really can't be the one to blame. I do what i like, usually, but people often judge me for living my life on my own terms. My distant relative, who has a history of playing fortnite and being antivax, being a furry, pedophile, and being a baby yoda hater called me today and abused me verbally, and told me what i was doing was wrong. I was heartbroken by their words. Not only that, Emily[She/They 13 diagnosed with 255 mental illnesses] made a really mean tweet against me today. She compared me to Hitler (I know Hitler and I have the same mental illness, but it doesn't mean I am as much of an asshole like he is, right?). All this negativity is severely affecting my mental health(i come from a country where mental health isn't given a lot of importance and also my country isn't very supportive of gay people), and i am now contemplating suicide by shooting myself in the head. Everyone thinks i am an asshole, what do you think reddit? AITA?

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

Lame ass British motherfucking broken teeth tea drinking small country weird accent monocle top hat wearer bitchass motherfuckers with their poor hygiene and dental care and a shitty bitchass old ass motherfucking queen that was alive during the fucking Boston tea party just to say “OH WHAT BLOODY WANKERS” towards the Americans who made the smart ass decision to throw their dumbass motherfucking tea into the fucking BOSTON HARBOR then say “see you” and get the fuck out and start a new nation and shit cause they couldn’t tolerate people who put the letter “u” into the word color and call cookies fucking BISCUTS, the British cant even see straight with their crossed-ass eyes and their messed up teeth and EVERYTIME they take a bite atleast 8 of their teeth on their crooked-ass jaws are shoved into their tongues and the top of their worthless ass bitchass motherfucking mouths and then, with a mouth full of blood, they’ll say “OH HOW FUCKING SCRUMPTIOUS” like shut the fuck up bitch no one wants to hear your accent that sounds worse than motherfucking nails on a chalkboard. Just. SHUT. THE FUCK. UP. Lameass wankers.

Why won't my sister french kiss me? I have a date this weekend and I have never kissed a girl. Anyways I asked my sister nicely if shed let me practice french kissing with her. She slapped me and locked herself in her room. I screamed that she was the only girl I could practice with and she was being selfish. She got scared and called the cops. Plus she told her boyfriend and he wants to kick my ass. WTF is wrong with my sister. I hate her so much

It's COCKtober 🍆🎃 u know what that means 👀👅 Dick sucking awareness month 😯🙆🏼👅 send this to 12 of ur closet hoes 👭😈 that love that dick 🍆🍆🍆💦💦💦 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃🎃🎃🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃🎃🎃🎃 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 THOT-O-WEEN 🎃is upon us !! If you get this message ✉️ you are queen 👸of the thots!!! Forward this to 7⃣ of the 🍆ThOtTiEsT🍆 thots 💁that you know will get some 👉👌 soon !!! If you don't, be prepared 🙍for 6⃣9⃣ days of bad luck ⚠️ 🍀 ‼️ATTENTION ‼️💀👻ALL HALLOWEEN 🎃🕸HOES 😚💅ITS TIME TO GET SPOOKY ☠️YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS👏GET 👊FISTED👊 BY A 💀SKELETON 💀SHOVE ✊🍭CANDY 🌽🌽CORN🍬IN YOUR 👉PUSSY 😽AND 🙅DONT 🙅‍♂️FORGET 😩🙌TO SUCK SOME 💏DRACULA 💉DICK 🍆💦 SO PUT 🔛 YOUR 👗👑 COSTUMES AND GO 🚪DOOR TO DOOR🚪👀👅💦BEGGING FOR THAT 😍GOOD GOOD😍 SEND THIS TO TWELVE1️⃣2️⃣☠️SPOOKY 👻🍑SLUTS🌮 TO 👁SHOW 💁🏼THAT YOURE READY TO GET SOME 🍫CHOCOLATE🍫 COVERED🍆DICK🌽 BOO!! Sorry did I scare you?! WASSUP GURL😉😉😊 ITS COCKTOBER 😈🌚🍂🍃🍁 AND IF YOU👈🏽 ARE GETTING THIS👇🏽😘 IT MEANS UR A HALLOWEEN 👻🎃👻👻🎃 👻🎃👻 HOE😏😩😩👅💦💦 every year in Cocktober the jack o slut🎃🎃🎃 comes to life🙀😻😻🙌🏽👏👏🙌🏽 coming to harvest 🍁🍂🍃 his hoes for THOT-O-WEEN😏😏💥💥🎈🎂🎉 send this to 15 other Halloween Hoes or else you a TRICK🎃👻👻 🎃 IF YOU GET 5 BACK UR A THOT-O-WEEN TREAT😋😋 IF YOU GET 10 BACK UR A SLUTTY WITCH BITCH👄😍✨🔮 BUT IF YOU GET 15 BACK UR THE SPOOKIES

My gf gets mad when I call her cheating “bruh moments” and I’m not sure what to do She hooked up with some guys and instead of breaking down and crying or whatever she wanted me to do I just played bruh bass boosted for five minutes while staring at her so she’s angry now but what should I do

TES, also known as Throw E-Sports is a professional league of legends team known for throwing consistently at the highest level. Well known for losing despite having massive gold leads, they have inspired various teams around the world like G2 to do the same

At the beginning of this month, my boyfriend received an email from his brother with the subject "Dude check this out" and a Google Doc called "!!NEW RAP!!". When my boyfriend opened it, all that was on the doc was a picture of Nikocado Avocado’s asshole. When my boyfriend texted his brother about receiving his email, he replied "what email?". They’ve been going back and forth since about the email, my boyfriend’s brother saying he never sent an email and my boyfriend thinking he’s keeping up the act. What my boyfriend doesn’t know is I sent the email. I made an almost identical looking email, one letter off, and even managed to find the exact email profile picture from his brother’s LinkedIn. Now it kills me every time I see them go at it. I’m literally pissing myself as I write this.

I do not give a shit i simp for pokimane and I'm a tier 3 sub fuck all those amateur's i wanna smell those pretty feet of yours pokimane you know when i was a little boy i used to slap girls ass when i was young and some of them liked it some of them didn't well guess what i wanna do that to pokimane and make her moan "daddy harder" but heh listen i have way more dirtier plans for pokimane heh i bought every single merchandise pokimane has you know i've come soo far don't mess it up you pussy's ok! I will continue to simp i will continue to slap girl's asses and i don't care if it's sexual assault i WILL DO IT. And i could do it to boys too heh well that's it you understand the whole reason why am writing this.