twitchquotes:
ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ:・ﾟ KAPPA WAVE!!:„ø¤º°¨ ¨°º¤KEEP THE KAPPANESS GOING ¸„ø¤º°¨ ¨°º¤øº LETS GO KAPPAS !¤¤º°¨¨°º¤øº¤ø„¸¸ø¤º°¨„ ø¤º°¨¨°º
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Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass
I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass.
I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me.
The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
Confessions
Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub
Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
Rick
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣋⣅⣀⣀⣌⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⡟⠋⠉⠀⠀⠉⠙⠻⢶⡌⢻⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣾⣿⣧⣶⣦⣄⢀⣤⣶⣦⣄⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣀
⠀⣰⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠆⠀⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁
⠀⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⠻⠿⠟⡃⠀⠻⠿⠿⠟⠀⠀⣿⣿⣶⣄⠀⠀
⠀⢹⣿⣤⣤⣄⣀⠀⠾⠿⣿⡀⠀⠀⣇⣼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠙⣿⣿⡿⠿⠀
⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⢀⣼⡧⢀⣠⣤⣤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣶⣿⣍⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠘⠿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⠈⠽⢷⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠂⠀⢠⣿⡍⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀
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⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⣷⣶⡄⢠⠎⠀⠀⣰⢟⣿⣿⣿⣿⢻⡄⠈⢳⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⢀⡇⠀⣰⠋⠀⣤⣼⠏⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠘⣷⠀⠀⢳⡀⠀⠀⠀
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NaM octopus
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣵⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⡀⠄⠄⠙⢾⢽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠭⣿⣿⣿⣯⠭⣄⠄⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡅⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣐⣀⡘⠹⣿⣐⣤⣼⡄⠈⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⠄⡄⣿⠛⠄⠠⢥⠛⢿⣿⡇⢼⣣⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡿⣣⡶⠬⡛⠛⠃⠙⠉⠄⡀⣤⣳⣶⢘⡡⠴⣾⣶⡦⠬⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠁⠈⢉⣿⣿⣿⣿⣫⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⣷⣶⣄⢂⠄⠄⠄⣼⠇
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣴⡿⠟⢫⣿⡟⠞⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠻⣷⣍⠛⠛⠉⠄
⠄⠄⣀⣀⣠⣠⣾⣟⣉⣤⣶⡿⠋⠄⠄⠘⢿⣷⣄⣀⣀⣀⡀⠄⠘⢿⣆⠄⠄⠄
⢀⣾⠛⢛⡋⠉⠉⠉⠋⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⢷⣾⡉⠄⠄⠄
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⢐⢀⠟⠒⠘⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢳⣄⣠⡾⠃⠄⠄⠄
⠈⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
Classic
Kripp if you don't play a lonely island song next...
twitchquotes:
Kripp, if you don't play a lonely island song in the next 5 minutes i will go to your house, pet your cat, eat your pizza, drink your oj, spill your salt and copy your pasta, plz no copy pasterino lonerino islanderino
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Kripp