[Copypasta] Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
August 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Bald Kurum

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠈⠈⠈⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠈⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠈⠎⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⣻ ⣿⣿⣯⢰⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠿⠛⠻⠻⠻⢿⣿⣧⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣾ ⣿⡿⢿⡀⠄⠄⠈⠉⠻⠋⣧⠄⢀⠈⠉⠈⢀⣀⣤⣤⠄⠄⣀⣴⡦⣨⢻ ⣿⣧⣤⣭⡄⠄⠄⠄⣴⣦⢙⣿⣦⣼⣶⡿⣼⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⢻⣿⣯⣿ ⣿⣿⣝⣿⠏⢀⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣦⣭⣭⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢵⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠓⠺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⡥⣬⣿⣿⠋⣾⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠁⠄⠄⣊⣊⣐⣀⠄⢹⣿⣿⠿⢣⣲⣴⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠈⣍⣭⣿⣿⡟⠈⠁⢲⣡⡤⡙⢾⢿⣿⣶⣶⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠈⠿⠟⠟⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣲⣿⣿⣿⡻⢿⣿
February 2021
Kurumx

Teamfight Tactics

Spamming is my passion

twitchquotes: Dᴇᴀʀ ɴᴀᴢɪ ᴍᴏᴅs: Yᴏᴜ ᴍᴀʏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʙᴀɴɴᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ ғᴏʀ 10 ᴍɪɴᴜᴛᴇs, ʙᴜᴛ sʜɪᴛᴘᴏsᴛɪɴɢ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ғɪɴᴅ ᴀ ᴡᴀʏ. I ᴡɪʟʟ ʀᴀɪsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs. I ᴡɪʟʟ ʟɪᴇ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʜᴏᴡ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ғᴀᴄᴇs. I ᴡɪʟʟ RIP ɪɴ ᴘᴇᴘᴘᴇʀᴏɴɴɪ ᴄᴀᴘᴘᴜᴄᴄɪɴᴏ ᴘɪsᴛᴀᴄʜɪᴏ. Sᴏ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴡᴀsᴛᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʙᴀɴɴɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ, ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ sᴘᴀᴍᴍɪɴɢ ɪs ᴍʏ ᴘᴀssɪᴏɴ, AND I WILL COME BACK! Pʟs ɴᴏ ᴄᴏᴘʏ ɴᴀᴢɪʀɪɴᴏ ᴍᴏᴅᴇʀɪɴᴏ
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Travis Scott Burger

I have a theory about the Travis Scott burger. I think it’s a sham. It’s all a multi million dollar misinformation campaign. McDonalds has been hurting for a new supply of beef due to the Covid 19 pandemic. With all of the meat processing plant closures, they had to look elsewhere to get their precious beef for the ever so hungry American. They needed a new supplier. This has to be nobody other than Travis Scott. You see, since marrying Kylie Jenner, he had access to all of her cosmetic company’s animal testing plants. It was easy for Travis to get ahold of meat... it was too easy. Travis knew McDonalds was desperate for new meat, so he struck while the iron was hot. Through a swift negotiation, he had the multi billion dollars corporation by the balls, the sweet sweet balls. Travis agreed to supply them with the meat, only he lead them to believe it was coming from cows when in reality he was harvesting the animals from the animal cosmetic testing lab. In exchange, he got his name on the McDonalds menu. All for what? Now you may be wondering how I came across this info. And you may be wondering who sent you this information. It was Cactus Jack. Cactus Jack sent this info.
October 2020

Riot's script for Worlds

twitchquotes: The year is 2046. Faker's mind has been uploaded to a robotic host. With SKT's 33rd World Championship victory, every champion in the game now has SKT skins. NA still hasn't reached semis, EU is still salty, and China continues to choke. Such is Riot's script.
twitch chat
October 2016

League of Legends

KKona

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢛⣭⣥⣶⣶⣶⣦⣭⣭⣛⣛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⢛⣥⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⢫⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⢱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠉⠉⠙⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢹⣿⣿ ⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠙⢿⣿⣿⡇⢿⣿ ⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⢀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⢸⣿ ⡇⣿⣿⣭⣄⣀⠄⠄⣀⡀⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⠉⢸⣿ ⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠈⠉⠄⠄⠄⠉⠙⢿⣿⣿⠆⣿ ⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣄⣀⣴⣶⣆⡀⠄⠄⠿⢿⣶⣿⣿⣰⢸ ⡜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⢰⢸ ⣇⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢻⣷⡾⣯⡉⠛⠉⠙⢩⣿⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⣾ ⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠳⠿⠇⠄⠄⠄⣼⡃⠄⠈⢿⣿⠏⢡⣿ ⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢠⣀⠒⠲⠶⠶⠶⠖⠄⢀⠄⣴⣿⠟⠄⣾⣿ ⣇⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠁⣼⣿⣿⣿⠿⠷⠄⠄⢴⣿⡏⠉⠁⠄⣼⣿⣿ ⣿⣧⡨⡻⡟⠛⠄⠄⠄⠨⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣄⣀⠘⠉⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⠿⠿⠟⠄⠙⠋⠄⠄⠄⠠⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⣄⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
July 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing