[Copypasta] Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
August 2021
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I use Linux as my operating system

"I use Linux as my operating system," I state proudly to the unkempt, bearded man. He swivels around in his desk chair with a devilish gleam in his eyes, ready to mansplain with extreme precision. "Actually", he says with a grin, "Linux is just the kernel. You use GNU+Linux!' I don't miss a beat and reply with a smirk, "I use Alpine, a distro that doesn't include the GNU Coreutils, or any other GNU code. It's Linux, but it's not GNU+Linux." The smile quickly drops from the man's face. His body begins convulsing and he foams at the mouth and drops to the floor with a sickly thud. As he writhes around he screams "I-IT WAS COMPILED WITH GCC! THAT MEANS IT'S STILL GNU!" Coolly, I reply "If windows were compiled with GCC, would that make it GNU?" I interrupt his response with "-and work is being made on the kernel to make it more compiler-agnostic. Even if you were correct, you won't be for long." With a sickly wheeze, the last of the man's life is ejected from his body. He lies on the floor, cold and limp. I've womansplained him to death.
June 2021

gachiGASM

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–„โ–“โ–‘โ–’โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–’โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–„โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–’โ–€โ–’โ–€โ–’โ–“โ–’โ–“โ–‘โ–‘ โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–“โ–’โ–“โ–‘ โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“ โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–’โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘
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April 2016

KappaPride

Classic

Obama Not Bad

โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–Œโ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘ โ–โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘ โ–โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ•โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ•โ•โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–Œโ–Œ โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–Œ โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–ˆโ–‘โ–Œโ–Œ โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–Œโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–€โ–โ–โ–‘ โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–Œโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–„โ•โ•โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–Œโ–€โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–„โ–„ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–Œโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„ โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
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July 2015

Reynad's large forehead

twitchquotes: when is google gonna buy ad space on reynads forehead??
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

Incel Revolutionary Party

twitchquotes: I am going to start a new party called "Incel Revolutionary Party" or "IRP". Almost all women will be taken into concentration camps and they get a handpicked incel boyfriend. The uglier the incel is, the better looking the girl is. Incels that are good looking will only get the fattest and ugliest girlfriends. Non-incels (infidels) will be taken into conversion camps and they will be forced to eat junk food, game all day, never go outside, and never work out. They will be converted to incels. Non-incel women that are against the forced girlfriend laws will also be converted into "incel-allies" by watching state-sponsored propaganda videos that are all about how sad incels are and how much they need girlfriends. There will also be some Chads, Brads and Tyrones that will not be converted into incels because the women who are incels (femcels) will not have to be a forced girlfriend. They will get a free boyfriend. If the chosen chads, brads and tyrones are against the laws, they will also be forced to watch propaganda videos about sad femcels are.
twitch chat
November 2020
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