[Copypasta] Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
August 2021
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

40% of the chat are 41 year olds pretending to be 14

twitchquotes: This chat disgusts me. 40% of the chat are 41 year olds pretending to be 14. The other 40% are 14 year olds pretending to be 41. And the remaining 30% just copy pastes the longest message they can find in the chat. Grow up chat, grow up. FailFish
twitch chat
January 2019

Classic

I hate Twitch Chat

GET BACK TO WORK Kripp shouts

twitchquotes: GET BACK TO WORK Kripp shouts into his bedroom closet! None of you get any lettuce until you read every Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube comment and respond to my viewers USELESS DRIVEL. 4 small chinese boys look up with tears in their eyes then get back to work. Your YouTube comment suddenly gets a heart.
twitch chat
July 2018
Kripp

How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022

Chug jug with you (lyrics)

We got a... 1# Victory Royale, yeah, Fortnite we 'bout to get down (Get down!) Ten kills on the board right now Just wiped out Tomato Town My friend just got downed, I revived him now we're heading southbound Now we're in the Pleasant Park streets, look at the map, go to the marked sheet (Chorus) Take me to your Xbox to play Fortnite today! You can take me to Moisty Mire, but not Loot Lake! I really love to.. Chug Jug with you! We can be pro Fortnite gamers! (End of chorus) He said.. "Hey Broski!", "You got some heals and a shield pot?" "I need healing, and I am only at 1 HP." "Hey dude, sorry!", "I found nothing on this safari." "I checked the upstairs of that house, but not the underneath yet." "There's a chest that's just down there,", "The storm is coming fast and you need heals to prepare!" I've got V-Bucks that I'll spend, more than you can contend. I'm a cool pro Fortnite gamer! Cool.. pro.. Fortnite? (Chorus) Take me to your Xbox to play Fortnite today! You can take me to Moisty Mire, but not Loot Lake! I really love to.. Chug Jug with you! We can be pro Fortnite gamers! (End of chorus) La, la la, la laa ee ya! X2 La, lA AUGHH La laa ee ya! (Will you be my pro Fortnite gamer?) Pro Fortnite Gamer.. Can we get a win this weekend? Take me to Loot Lake! Let's change the game mode and we can Disco Dominate! Let's hop in an ATK, take me to the zone! I'm running kind of low on mats, I need to break some stone! Dressed in all his fancy clothes, He's got Renegade Raider and he's probably a pro! He just shot my back, I turn back and I attack! I just got a Victory Royale, A Victory Royale.. (Chorus) Take me to your Xbox to play Fortnite today! You can take me to Moisty Mire, but not Loot Lake! I really love to.. Chug Jug with you! We can be pro Fortnite gamers! (End of chorus)
March 2021

Fortnite

Biohazard

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡖⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢲⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⡀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣔⢿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠻⢿⡿⣢⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⡀⢀⣀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠏⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⢠⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⢸⣿⡇⠉⠻⣿⠇⠀⠀⠸⣿⡿⠋⢰⣿⡇⠀⠀⠈⠙⢿⡄⠀ ⠀⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣷⡀⠀⠰⣿⣶⣶⣿⡎⠀⢀⣾⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⠀ ⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣷⣄⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣠⣾⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀ ⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⢿⢇⣿⣿⣿⣿⡸⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠐⢤⣀⣀⢀⣀⣠⣴⣿⣿⠿⠋⠙⠿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⠀⠀⣀⡠⠂⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
March 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing