[Copypasta] Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
August 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Super Meat Boy

⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⠛⣉⢉⣉⣉⣤⣬⣥⣤⣤⣤⣤⣬⣭⣈⣉⡙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⢠⣶⣶⣿⣿⢫⢷⢋⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⠟⡛⠛⠳⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⡤⠀⠉⢿⣿⡇⠿⠛⠛⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡀⣿⣏⠈⣁⢤⣠⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠄⣸⣿⡇⠀⣾⣿⣘⠛⢿ ⣿⣿⠇⣿⣧⡽⠟⣛⣛⣛⣛⠛⢛⡛⣛⣛⣛⣛⢛⡛⠿⣿⣿⣶⣷⣿⢻⣿⣇⠸ ⣿⠃⣼⣿⣿⣧⡠⣍⣿⣿⣧⣤⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣩⡅⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣾⣿⡟⢰ ⠇⣼⣿⢻⣿⣿⣿⣶⣭⣝⣙⣻⠻⠻⠛⠿⣟⣉⣭⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⣋⣬⣤⣾ ⣇⠻⣿⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣷⣬⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⢠⣤⣤⣤⡄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣦⣉⣛⣛⠛⣛⣉⣁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⡛⠛⠛⠛⢛⣋⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
September 2020

In a forest in Canada a young boy named Kripp was born

twitchquotes: (◕‿◕✿) In a forest in Canada a young boy named Kripp was born. Every day he would dream of a better life, one with Spreadsheets and all the OJ he could drink. One day a magical Succubus came and whisked him away, she promised him glory, cats and best of all... Boobs. Now Kripp is dead. The End (◕‿◕✿)
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Fedora McTippersen, president of the ultimate gentleman Reddit Group

twitchquotes: Hey there Mister Michael Santana, i'm Fedora McTippersen, president of the ultimate gentleman Reddit Group. We come to contact you in great euphoria to ask if you wanna join us in our path to enlight the world about atheism. Goodnight, M'lord.
twitch chat
February 2015
imaqtpie

🍆HAPPY SPANKSGIVING💦

‼️ITS🍗 SPANKSGIVING 🍂 BITCHES‼️On this day 🗓 many years ago 😮 the SLUTTY 👠 PILGRIMS 🎩 sailed ⛵️ across the ASSlantic 🌊 HOEcean in a quest 👀to find 🔎 more 😍 COCKS 🍆 to SUCK! 👅 Together with the 😈 NAUGHTY 😈 NATIVES 👹, they gathered 👫 around the dinner table 🍽 and had 🎉 our nation’s very 1️⃣st GANG BANG! 👯‍♀️👯👯‍♂️ We honor 🙌🏻 their ORGY 😮 every year 📆 by giving THANKS 🙏🏼 to all 🥰 that’s important ❤️ to us: Family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦, Friends 👬, Freedom 🇺🇸, and DICK! 🍆🌽👅 So grab your BUNS, 🍞✊👉👌squeeze those BREASTS, 🍗🔥🤲 and shove a cornaCOPIOUS 🌽🌽 amount of DICK 🍆 😩 into that hungry 😮 hungry HOLE! 🕳💓👅 Ladies 👯‍♀️, just like your 🦃 THOTSgiving 🦃 turkey, it’s time ⏰ to throw your legs 🤸🏼‍♀️in the air 🤸🏼‍♀️and prepare to get ➡️ STUFFED 🙀! After dinner,🍴it’s time 😮 for CUMPKIN PIE!! 🥧 Show Daddy 👨🏽‍🦳 how 🙏🏼 thankful 🙏🏼 you are and LICKK 😛 his WishBONE 🦴 until he gets as HARD 🏔as PlyMOUTH rock ⛰ and shoots 💦 his HOMEADE GRAVY 🥣! 👅 Midnight 🌙 starts 😈 BLACK ⬛️ FRIDAY 🛍 so send 📤 this to 🔟 THOTS 💁🏻‍♀️you are thankful 🙏🏼 for! If you get 0️⃣ back, sail 🔙 to England 🖕🏻🤮 If you get 5️⃣ back, you’ll be getting your corn 🌽 CREAMED 😋🥰. Get 🔟 back or more, and the 🙀 BIGGEST, 🙀 GIRTHIEST, BLACK⚫️ FRIDAY 🍆 COCK 😱 is CUMMING 💦YOUR WAY AT MIDNIGHT 🙀😍🙀😍🙀😍
August 2021

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Thanksgiving

NSFW

Holiday

Text-to-Speech Playing