"touch grass" is not an insult towards gamers, rather it is advice for them. When participating in intense periods of gaming, the human hand has a tendency to get sweaty. The sweat causes the hand to become slick, and it b becomes more difficult to retain a grip on the gamers gaming mouse, thus making it more difficult to perform well in intense gaming moments. By touching grass with the gamers hand, the grass will impart a layer of particulate onto the gamers hand, the particulate can be made of a variety of dusts, dirts and other natural matter. This particulate will then act in a similar form to climbers chalk, absorbing the sweat and drying out the gamers hand. With dry hands, the gamer can now perform to their maximum when gaming. This is why when an enemy or teammate tells you to touch grass, they are simply trying to assist you in performing better.
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More Classic Copypastas
Comedy God has entered the building: Attack Helicopter
I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter
WEE WOO WEE WOO
ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER!
steps on stage
Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!"
Comedy God: "Heh..."
adjusts fedora
the building is filled with fear and anticipation
God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense
comedy god clears throat
everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard
world leaders look and wait with dread
everything in the world stops
nothing is happening
comedy god smirks
no one is prepared for what is going to happen
comedy god musters all of this power
he bellows out to the world
"ATTACK"
absolute suspense
everyone is filled with overwhelming dread
"HELICOPTER"
all at once, absolute pandemonium commences
all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once
giant brawls start
43 wars are declared simultaneously
a shockwave travels around the earth
earth is driven into chaos
humanity is regressed back to the stone age
the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself
all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did
people who aren't killed die from laughter
literally the funniest joke in the world
then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
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Bumper Ameng burger
twitchquotes:
Bumper stared at the burger in his hand. Normally, he loved chowing down on his Big Mac like he chowed on these beta tanks like Swon or Muma or Super. But not today. Today, this burger was a sign of his failure. The double patties of meat reminded him not of succulent juicy beef but only the mighty veiny vascular muscles of Ameng. The seeded bread buns? It was Ameng鈥檚 cheeks as he squatted on Bumper鈥檚 face. The tomato? It was his blood dripping off Ameng鈥檚 hammer. The mayo? You know what it is
twitch chat
OverwatchLeague
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Overwatch
NA COMING THROUGH LUL
twitchquotes:
NA COMING THROUGH 
GO TO SCHOOL RISK LIFE 10 IQ PRESIDENT GETTING MY SISTER PREGNANT WALL THINK THEY SAVED WORLD WAR NA EDUCATION GOVERMENT SO BAD HAD TO SHUT DOWN 45
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Put shoe on head to prove not pre-recorded
twitchquotes:
銉洁技嗪堎勍溹簣嗉斤緣 PUT SHOE ON HEAD TO PROVE NOT PRE-RECORDED 銉洁技嗪堎勍溹簣嗉斤緣
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I sexually identify as an Attack Helicopter
I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm *** retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.