I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.ο»Ώ
I used to be a real ad
More Classic Copypastas
Please refrain from likening us to plebeians
twitchquotes:
Twitch streamers and their subscribers define us (not subscribed audience) as members of a lower social class, plebs as they call it. I find it inappropriate to compare us with ancient Rome's lowest class as there is nothing ignominious to being a member of the proletariat. Also their living standards were significantly inferior to ours (e.g. health, education) so the comparison is unsound. In the future, please refrain from likening us to plebeians because descriminating due to economic and social status like that is reprehensible in our modern society.
twitch chat
Classic
plebs vs subs
CTRL + W to activate mod status
twitchquotes:
ββββββββββββββββββββββββ 
The broadcaster of this channel has promoted you to mod status. Please press the key combo CTRL + W on your keyboard to activate this.ββββββββββββββββββββββββ
The broadcaster of this channel has promoted you to mod status. Please press the key combo CTRL + W on your keyboard to activate this.ββββββββββββββββββββββββ
twitch chat
Classic
Born to be a Twitch channel mod
twitchquotes:
You can say that I was born to be a Twitch channel mod. I catch a glimpse of copypasta, the adrenaline starts pumping. A whiff of drama, I snap into duty. My streamer calls for a chat ban, I erase that motherfucker from the history books of this channel. There is no !command I wonβt code, no timeout I wonβt give, no Twitch laws I wonβt overlook, and no order I wonβt obey to make my streamer happy. And if you become his problem, well, Iβm sorry to say that Iβll become yours.
twitch chat
MODS
Classic
Mods can't ban me at this pace
twitchquotes:
π’ SLOW AND STEADY π’ WINS THE RACE π’ MODS CAN'T BAN ME π’ AT THIS PACE π’
twitch chat
MODS
Classic
This is probably the worst thing I've ever seen
This is probably the worst thing I've ever seen. 100 years from now when I'm dying on a hospital bed and I'm asked what my biggest regret was it will be that I turned on my internet and scrolled through the internet on that fateful day... I will never be able to recover from this. No amount of therapy will save me. No amount of prescription pills will let me recover. I am a shell. This memory is so bad my brain is physically rejecting it and now I have a headache every time I think about it. Why did you post this, thinking it was a good idea? You've permanently ruined my life because of this, I hope you're happy. I hope that one day this gets branded as a war crime and you get hauled off to prison, never to see the light of day again. The fact that you're already not in a psych ward for insanity is so baffling I have lost all faith in every kind of justice system. If you subscribe to any religion, you'd best spend the rest of your time atoning for this ultimate sin. Have a terrible day, I hope this creation of yours haunts you in your dreams.