I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.ο»Ώ
I used to be a real ad
More Classic Copypastas
Trumpet Skeleton of the Abyss
twitchquotes:
πΊπΊπΊπΊπΊπΊπΊπππππ IF YOU SEE THIS MESSAGE WHILE SCROLLING you have been visited by trumpet skeleton of the abyss. good bones and calcium will come to you but only if you reply "thank mr skeltal" to this message and pasta it to 3 times!! πππΊπΊπΊπΊπΊπΊπΊπππππππ
twitch chat
Classic
every youtube comment
No one:
Not a single soul:
This video: exists
This comment: hold my beer
Me: so you have chosen death
Death: that's a big yikes from me dawg
Also death: I wasn't expecting special forces
Me: mom can we have death
Mom: we already have death at home
Death at home: surprised pikachu face
This video literally makes me cry every time
Who else is watching this in ????
This video: wait that's illegal
Also this video: why do I hear boss music???
Thumbs up so he sees this comment in 14 years when this video gets recommended!
Edit: thanks for the likes XD
Classic
Do British people even exist?
Do british people actually exist? I mean, they must be a meme, there is a not a single thing about them. And I mean it.
Let's go through the evidence: Where are they from? Not a single country in the world is named Britain. Some people say they come from England, and England is inside Britain, but if that was the case they would be British they would be Englanders. Also, heard some silly theories about them coming from whales. Guys, no, whale people do not exist. Whales live in the sea.
There is a consensus on British people coming from Europe, but then we are left with a whole continent of possible locations. That's as good as nothing. What do they eat? Every country has at least one main dish. Even the US has their burgers. But these British people, what do they eat? Heard some people associating them with tea, but everyone knows that's an Asian thing. Shouldn't they come from Europe? One of these two points must be wrong them. To me, it looks too sketchy.
What language do they speak? I challenge you, putting all my money and my ass on the line here, to find a supposed ""British"" person speaking their native language. Most of then just speak a broken ENGLISH. Yes, english. Really suspicious, huh? And I even tried to look deeper into it. Maybe british just SOUND like english, just like spanish could sound like portuguese for a non-speaker. So I looked up "british dictionary on google" and what I found was shocking: every word in there was AMERICAN. I kid you not. What this could mean is beyond my capabilities, but I can safely assure you that british people do not exist .
British People
Classic
Imagine spamming chat
twitchquotes:
Imagine going to an online chat and spamming it with brainless text for no reason.
twitch chat
Classic
Only the chosen one can hold his donger
twitchquotes:
8=====> Only the chosen one can hold his donger β 
β
β
twitch chat