[Copypasta] I, a god-level CoD player, could join the military

Ok. Listen up bud. You’re a kid, and you’re getting cocky. You snuck in a few good quick scopes and got a few points ahead of me, but you have no chance. I am a Call of Duty god. I would be killing terrorists in Iraq if it weren’t for the fact that I would punch the drill sergeant in the face if he even looked at me funny. So don’t get cocky, bud. Or just like my kill/death ratio, you’re going down, kid. As soon as I finish the campaign I’m tracking your IP, hunting you down and beating the crap out of you. You’ve been warned.
February 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

It's 2036

It’s 2036. Your mom was an e girl with an onlyfans and your dad is a sadboi guitarist. 98% of the Caucasian male students in school are named Aiden. Every afternoon you come home to check on Mom because she still thinks posting memes about wanting to die are in. She sees you pull out your homework and you sigh. “No, mom. I don’t want to listen to Lo-Fi beats to study and relax to.” She looks mildly disappointed but perks up again. “No horror trap/witch house either,” you interrupt. SadDad walks in and pats you on the back, but not before saying “Aye, fam. You look a little upset, u wanna go get a face tat?”
October 2020

Look, I can play Death Standing too!

twitchquotes: Look, I can play Death Standing too!: ▲ Enter Private Room > Options > Skip. ▲ Take a Shower > Options > Skip > Options > Skip > Options > Skip. ◉ to Use Toilet (Standing) > Options > Skip. ✖ to Use Toilet (Sitting) > Options > Skip. ▲ Leave Private Room > Options > Skip.
twitch chat
November 2019

Apology letter from the condom factory

twitchquotes: What in the actual rainbows is wrong with your brain? Did you IQ test return with negative results or something? I’m getting closer and closer to believing that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. Jesus Christ. Love the content keep it up.
twitch chat
December 2020

OkaygeBusiness

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⢉⡡⠔⠒⠒⠈⢽⣿⢋⠔⠋⠁⠈⠉⠙⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠀⠀⢀⠊⠀⢠⣶⣄⠀⠀⠙⠇⠀⢸⣿⠦⡀⠀⠈⠻ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⣾⠏⢻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣤⠇⠀⠀⢀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡶⡀⠀⠿⠶⠋⠀⠀⠀⢀⡦⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣶⣮ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡄⠀⢻⡘⠦⣀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡴⠛⢷⣌⣉⣉⣩⠽⠛⠙ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⢰⠃⠀⣀⠀⠈⠳⣀⠀⠀⠙⠲⠤⣭⡷⠶⠶⠞⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⠉⠀⠀⠀⣠ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⡄⠀⠘⢦⣀⠀⠈⠓⠲⠤⢄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⡠⠤⠒⠋⢹⣟ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⣄⠀⠀⠈⠳⢦⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⢉⣉⣁⣀⠠⠤⠤⣾⣿⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠉⠉⠉⠙⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠓⠤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠙⠙⠛⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⣀⣠⣤⢾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠒⠲⠶⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠴⠖⠒⢚⣉⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡶⠀⠀⠀⠀⢳⡦⠄⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠰⠶⠚⠋⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠶⢤⣤⣀⣀⣠⣿⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⢂⠀⠀⠀⡔⠀⠀⢢⡀⠀⢠⠃⠀⠀⠀⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠛⢋⣹⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⠿⠶⢦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⣩⡟⠁⠀⠀⢧⡀⠀⢱⣤⣤⠃⠀⡶⠁⢀⣠⠶⠛⠉⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡉⢹⡇⢸⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢧⢀⡎⠀⠈⣤⡜⠀⠀⠉⢻⡦⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠉⠉⢹⠀⡟⠙⢿⣄⠀⣦⣀⣠⠔⠋⠙⣇⣸⠛⠛⠛⣻⣶⡄⠀⠈⠛⢦⣄⠀⠀⠘⣿⠁⠀⣠⠏⠀⠀⢀⠴⠋⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠤⠤⠬⠿⠥⠤⠤⠬⠭⠭⠭⠤⠤⠤⠤⠭⠥⠤⢤⣾⠟⠈⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⣄⠀⠸⣦⡴⠃⠀⣠⠶⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⡿⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢳⣄⢻⣇⣤⠞⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣾⡏⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠤⠤⠤⠜⠀⡄⠀⢠⡠⠤⠤⠤⠤⠄⠀⢤⡇⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
October 2021

Pepe

Think about your actions

twitchquotes: I have noticed that, although this subreddit has 179,776 readers, I am not receiving 179,776 upvotes on my posts. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to click 'upvote'. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to upvote my most recent posts. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
twitch chat
September 2018

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing