[Copypasta] I, a god-level CoD player, could join the military

Ok. Listen up bud. You’re a kid, and you’re getting cocky. You snuck in a few good quick scopes and got a few points ahead of me, but you have no chance. I am a Call of Duty god. I would be killing terrorists in Iraq if it weren’t for the fact that I would punch the drill sergeant in the face if he even looked at me funny. So don’t get cocky, bud. Or just like my kill/death ratio, you’re going down, kid. As soon as I finish the campaign I’m tracking your IP, hunting you down and beating the crap out of you. You’ve been warned.
February 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Crewmate Amogus Spiderman

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣶⡿⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⡿⠛⠻⠷⣶⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⠟⠉⠀⠙⣦⣀⣀⣀⣠⡤⠴⡿⣄⡀⠀⠀⠉⠻⢷⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⣰⠋⢧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠉⠙⠓⠒⡶⢯⣙⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡟⠀⠀⠀⢀⠞⠁⠀⠈⣳⡤⠤⠴⠚⣟⠛⠒⠒⠒⣺⠳⢤⣀⣉⣻⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡿⠶⠶⣤⣾⡁⠀⠀⢀⡜⠉⣧⣠⣤⣴⣾⣶⠶⠶⠶⠷⣶⣶⣶⣬⣭⣙⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⠁⠀⠀⣿⠀⠙⢲⣞⠁⣠⡾⠟⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠻⢷⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡏⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⢸⠏⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢷⡄⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⣶⣶⣦⣾⠃⠀⠀⢠⡇⠀⠀⣸⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⡄ ⠀⠀⣠⡿⠿⡄⠀⠀⠈⣿⡀⠀⠀⡼⠀⠀⣴⣃⣤⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇ ⠀⣰⡿⠁⠀⠹⡄⠀⠀⣿⠿⣶⣴⡷⠒⠋⠻⡄⠀⢹⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠃ ⢀⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⢹⣀⣴⡏⠀⠀⠙⢿⣦⠀⠀⢹⡄⠀⠻⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣿⠋⠀ ⢸⡿⢧⠀⠀⢀⡼⠯⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣷⡄⠀⣇⡤⠞⠉⠻⢷⣤⣄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⡇⠈⢧⣠⠎⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⡞⠛⠢⣄⠀⣠⠏⠈⠉⡿⠛⠛⠛⢻⠛⠛⠛⠛⢿⠉⠁⣴⠟⠁⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⠃⠀⡼⠧⣄⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣷⡀⠀⠘⣶⣁⡀⠀⡼⠁⢀⡀⠀⠘⡇⣀⣠⣤⣬⣷⣾⠏⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⣀⡞⠁⠀⠈⢣⡀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣇⠀⡼⠁⠀⠉⣹⠛⠉⠉⡉⠉⢙⣏⠁⠀⠀⠀⣼⡏⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⡿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢳⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⡾⠁⠀⠀⢀⡇⢠⠂⣜⣠⣤⠸⡟⢣⠀⠀⢰⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⡇⠈⠳⡄⠀⠀⣨⢿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡗⠒⠲⢤⣸⠀⣸⣄⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣞⣠⣤⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀ ⢸⣇⠀⠀⢹⡀⡰⠃⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⣹⢉⡽⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣅⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠀⠀ ⠘⣿⡀⠀⠈⡿⠁⠀⢸⣷⣦⣤⣤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⡟⠘⡅⢇⢸⣿⣿⠇⡇⡸⠀⠀⣿⠀⢀⣀⣠⣼⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⢻⣇⠀⣰⠛⠒⠦⣼⡇⠀⠀⠉⠉⠙⢻⣷⣦⣼⡏⠉⠓⠦⣿⠤⠵⠾⠾⠿⢿⣸⣯⠧⠖⠚⣿⡾⠟⠋⠉⣹⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠈⢿⣶⠇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣶⣤⣤⣤⣀⣼⣀⣈⣙⣃⡀⠀⠀⢹⡀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣸⣁⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣶⠶⠿⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠈⠻⣷⣄⠀⠀⢘⣧⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⢉⡉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠿⠻⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡷⠶⠶⠶⢶⡶⠿⠿⠿⠛⠋⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣾⡿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣧⣤⣤⣤⣶⣶⠶⠿⠛⠋⠁⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⡍⠙⠛⢿⠿⠷⠶⠶⠾⠿⠿⠟⢻⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⡏⠉⠁⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣄⣀⣀⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡟⠲⢦⣼⣀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣀⣀⡀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣷⠖⠚⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⠀⠀⡏⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣧⣀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⢷⣶⣶⣶⣶⡶⠿⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
May 2022

Among Us / Amogus

Patient #69 Thijs

twitchquotes: Day 63: Patient #69 still calls himself "Thijs" and thinks he live in Netherlands. Almost every day he plays a children's magic poker game and talks to the screen, every day he must take a pill but he calls it "T-time". Our doctors will continue monitoring #69.
twitch chat
January 2019
Thijs

Hearthstone

Is that all you shitposting fucks can say?!

Is that all you shitposting fucks can say?!? Duurrhhlll... Based, based, cringe, cringe, based, based, cringe, cringe, cringe, based, cringe... I feel like I'm in a FUCKING asylum full of dementia-ridden old people that can do nothing but repeat the same FUCKING words on loop like a fucking broken record!!! Cringe cringe cringe cringe!!! Cringe, based, based! Onions? Onions, SNOYY!! Onions L O L onions! Cringe, BOOMER?? Le zoomer, I am BOOMER!!! No zoom zoom zoomies!! Zoomer going zoomies!! YnnnggGGHHAAHH I..FUCKING hate the internet so god DAMN much... FUCK! Shitposting, honest to...god...fucking hope your mother CHOKES on her own feces in hell you...COCK SUCKER. But oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh I know my post is CRINGE!! ISN'T IT??? Cringe, cringe, CRINGEY cringe, based, cringe, based, REDDIT?? CRINGE!! BASED? CRINGE!! ZOOM?? CRINGE!! ONIONS?? REDDIT, BASED....BASED!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
August 2021

Based

Classic

Pillage and Plunder

twitchquotes: ୧༼ಠ益▀̿༽୨ Pillage and Plunder ୧༼ಠ益▀̿༽୨ ୧༼ಠ益▀̿༽୨ Pillage and Plunder ୧༼ಠ益▀̿༽୨ ୧༼ಠ益▀̿༽୨ Pillage and Plunder ୧༼ಠ益▀̿༽୨ ୧༼ಠ益▀̿༽୨ Pillage and Plunder ୧༼ಠ益▀̿༽୨ ୧༼ಠ益▀̿༽୨ Pillage and Plunder ୧༼ಠ益▀̿༽୨୧༼ಠ益▀̿༽୨ Pillage and Plunder ୧༼ಠ益▀̿༽୨
twitch chat
August 2015
Forsen

୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ riot ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨

Sheldon says BAZINGA

"I've never been a fan of Internet Explorer" Crowd laughs nervously and a few grunts are heard from the back seats as people edge closer to hear the punchline. "Why not? Don't you like the internet?" The crowd suddenly stands up, aware that they are about to receive what they came for. People slowly edge closer to the set as Sheldon prepares for his next line. Sweat is clearly visible on his brow and his mouth is quivering in anticipation as he readies himself for what is about to happen. "I just prefer Firefox because, like the fox, I am cunning and nimble." The crowd suddenly surges forward as the words escape Sheldon's mouth. They are so powerful, they almost shake the very foundations of the CBS studios. He watches as, in what he perceives as slow motion, the crowd moves toward his fragile body. He has been preparing for this moment his whole life. This is his moment. This is his Emmy. This is his Golden Globe. This is even his Oscar. The crowd converges around him so quickly they ignore the trampled cries of Leonard and Penny, who now lie shaking on the floor, their bones crushed by the sheer mass of the crowd. Sheldon stares back at the eyes around him. What he sees are no longer people. What he sees is the human psyche stripped down to its core. Their lives, what they were before this moment has been forgotten. Ravenous. Hungry. They want one thing from him. Sheldon closes his eyes, clears his mind and relaxes his body. What happens next depends completely on the next few seconds. The time between this and what he mutters next feels like an eternity. Slowly, he opens his eyes. He looks at Leonard, then at Penny, both lying lifeless on the floor. Without a second thought, he says with resounding conviction... "BAZINGA" In a split second, the crowd pounces on his ready and waiting body. Man, woman, child all at once. Sheldon cries out in complete ecstasy as they consume his flesh. He stops suddenly, as he drifts into eternal slumber. Peace at last.
April 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing