[Copypasta] I, a god-level CoD player, could join the military

Ok. Listen up bud. You’re a kid, and you’re getting cocky. You snuck in a few good quick scopes and got a few points ahead of me, but you have no chance. I am a Call of Duty god. I would be killing terrorists in Iraq if it weren’t for the fact that I would punch the drill sergeant in the face if he even looked at me funny. So don’t get cocky, bud. Or just like my kill/death ratio, you’re going down, kid. As soon as I finish the campaign I’m tracking your IP, hunting you down and beating the crap out of you. You’ve been warned.
February 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Same

twitchquotes: The time was 1:53 AM. This is the last game of my plat promos. The season will end in 7 minutes. We're down by bot turret with our team as we push our lead. I see Scott rolling in as Rammus, traveling at a speed that would put Sonic himself to shame. His words echo through my $5 earbuds. "I'M GOING IN!" I pause to take in the world around me. I can do anything right now. Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual limits no longer apply to me. I gather the strength in my forefinger as I slowly lift it over my R key. I say...no, I yell, with the ferocity of a million suns, the single word that could be heard around the world. "Same!" Galio prepares himself before leaping into the air, and delivering a devastating blow to the enemies' backline. We did it. The enemy team retreats back into their low elo. I was platinum. With a farewell to Scott for his outstanding work, I drag myself to my bed, ready to fall asleep. My phone chimes. Checking the notifications, I saw only one. A text from Clown9 Sneaky. The message brought a tear to my eye. The message simply read: “I’m proud of you.” Now very emotional, I typed a reply. "Same."
twitch chat
July 2020
Sneaky

League of Legends

Kripp saved my life; Rania saved my sanity

twitchquotes: I discovered Kripp after a terrible car accident. I was n a coma for weeks. One day, the nurse decided to play Twitch in the room, specifically to Kripp's channel. I immediately awoke. I went to mute the channel, but it was then that Rania brought Kripp his food, saving me the effort. Kripp saved my life. Rania saved my sanity.
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp

The Nun

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣔⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⢣⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠈⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠘⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡌⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢷⠄⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⢸⠉⠠⠻⠎⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠙⠛⢿⡇⠃⢸⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡆⣾⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⠄⠄⠰⠆⠄⢸⣿⠇⠄⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠰⠄⣿⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣷⣄⣠⣶⣶⣾⣿⣠⠄⢠⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⣻⠄⠄⠄⣤⠠⠈⢽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⠄⠈⡄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠘⠄⠄⢿⡄⠄⢸⣻⡃⠄⢾⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣸⠄⠄⢃⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⠃⠄⠄⣞⣇⠄⠐⡿⣣⡤⠤⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠘⡀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⡘⠄⠄⠄⠹⣞⡀⠄⠄⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠇⠄⠄ ⠄⢀⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣷⡀⠄⠄⢀⣀⣤⣤⣴⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡗⠄⠄⠄⢸⠄⠄ ⠄⡘⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿⣦⣀⣨⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡆⠄ ⢀⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢴⣺⣿⣝⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢣⠄ ⠘⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⡄
November 2019

Kripp drained Greece's entire supply of Oranges

twitchquotes: Kripp, its Stavros the Fruit Seller from the bazaar. I'm sorry to tell you but you've drained Greece's entire supply of Oranges. Because of the rioting on the streets we advise you to hide any OJ supply you might have left. We can now only sell you Olive Juice and the odd jar of Tzatziki. Please no gyro ouzo
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Hey Forsen how about some Brotherman Bill KKona

twitchquotes: KKona HEY KKona FORSEN KKona HOW KKona ABOUT KKona SOME KKona BROTHERMAN KKona BILL KKona
twitch chat
October 2015
Forsen
Text-to-Speech Playing