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More WallStreetBets Copypastas
Police clearing out a homeless encampment
On my way into the office today I saw the police clearing out a homeless encampment under a bridge, forcing them into the cold and rain. I keep playing it over in my head and haven’t been able to focus on work all day because of my erection.
On my way into the office today I saw the police clearing out a homeless encampment under a bridge, forcing them into the cold and rain. I keep playing it over in my head and haven’t been able to focus on work all day because of my erection.
Stimulus hopes in the year is 2025
The year is 2025. House speaker Nancy pelosi's brain jar has agreed with Mitch McConnell's new human skinbody to vote on the $12 covid stimulus package. This is the 37th revision to the package initially introduced in late 2020. One dollar will be split between all americans, two between all illegal immigrants, and the rest to Jeff bezos. Due to stimulus hopes, SPY has rallied to 600.
The year is 2025. House speaker Nancy pelosi's brain jar has agreed with Mitch McConnell's new human skinbody to vote on the $12 covid stimulus package. This is the 37th revision to the package initially introduced in late 2020. One dollar will be split between all americans, two between all illegal immigrants, and the rest to Jeff bezos. Due to stimulus hopes, SPY has rallied to 600.
Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla
December 2021. Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla (Elon Musk invented a more efficient form of security). ARK ETFs are trading at minimum $1,000 a share and investors are signing 10-year pledges just for the privilege. I log on to my Tesla taxi app and order a car. A vintage Roadster pulls up with EDM playing at a tasteful volume.
"Where to, King?" asks the anime girl on the console. "You know where", I reply. Palantir knows.
We both laugh and the car takes off to Wendys.
December 2021. Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla (Elon Musk invented a more efficient form of security). ARK ETFs are trading at minimum $1,000 a share and investors are signing 10-year pledges just for the privilege. I log on to my Tesla taxi app and order a car. A vintage Roadster pulls up with EDM playing at a tasteful volume.
"Where to, King?" asks the anime girl on the console. "You know where", I reply. Palantir knows.
We both laugh and the car takes off to Wendys.
Is that insider trading?
If you're a passenger on a newly recertified 737MAX and it starts to nosedive into the sea so you buy shitloads of BA puts over WiFi before impact, is that insider trading?
If you're a passenger on a newly recertified 737MAX and it starts to nosedive into the sea so you buy shitloads of BA puts over WiFi before impact, is that insider trading?
If Apple opens super green tomorrow
If Apple opens super green tomorrow, I will buy a green Apple and cut a 1/4in hole in it and fuck it with my peen.
