Moby Dick, The Grapes of Wrath, Tom Sawyer
Instead of reading any of those, you decided to read this copypasta.
No wonder you're retarded.
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When chugging RedBull™ I have more energy to stream
100 Thieves Team visited an LA orphanage
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In their upcoming heist, The 100 Thieves Team visited an orphanage in LA. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope", said Charlie, age 6.
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League of Legends
Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass
I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass.
I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me.
The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
Confessions
Little dribble drop
You guys ever like hustle your pee too quickly and pull your dick in faster than you’re done shaking? Then you have that little dribble drop that goes onto your leg. It’s only a drop. But you fucking feel it. Sprawling down your thigh. Making its presence known and ruining whatever plans you just had.
Just happened. The fucking worst.
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📞 HELLO CHIPS? 📞 THE SPAWN HERE
twitchquotes:
📞 
HELLO CHIPS? 📞 THE SPAWN HERE 📞 YOU HAVEN'T DIED IN 10 SECONDS....YOU'RE OVERDUE
HELLO CHIPS? 📞 THE SPAWN HERE 📞 YOU HAVEN'T DIED IN 10 SECONDS....YOU'RE OVERDUE
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OverwatchLeague