I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to 'fuck' me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to 'fuck' me in my recent years. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
I have evidence. No u
purple: IT'S RED! I HAVE EVIDENCE!
red: Purple sus ngl.
purple: no u
red: ...
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤred was not an impostor.
Among Us / Amogus
My SUSSY POWERS ARE AWAKENING
My SUSSY POWERS ARE AWAKENING 😱😎
Part 1. I just did my daily jackoff ☺️ to my impostor body pillow, 😱 but when I came, 👻 I started floating, 😱 and think I got teleported into the skeld. 😮 I swear for a second I felt the imposter's strong hands grip my asscheeks.🤤 🍑 🍑 I immediately was transported back to earth, 😭 and I instantly got on all fours on my bed naked, 🤪 as you would, and started screaming in my best efforts to summon the imposter 💪
“IM READY FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME PLEASE DADDY IMPOSTER”
I was so close to feeling the imposters sweet cock fuck the shit out of me 🤤 but then my NAZI RACIST mother came in and beat the shit out of me. 😔😒🙁☹️
She then said I was going to a magical place called the “mental asylum” 
I’m not too sure where that dimension is located but it sounds EPIC 😮
I’m not too sure where that dimension is located but it sounds EPIC 😮
Among Us / Amogus
if you are a single girl and also a gamer
twitchquotes:
if you are a single girl and also a gamer please send me a direct message so that I can get to know you 
no, this is not a joke or a "copypasta" I'm genuinely looking to find someone who shares my passions
no, this is not a joke or a "copypasta" I'm genuinely looking to find someone who shares my passions
twitch chat
Guys I am worried after what my homie did
twitchquotes:
Guys I am worried after what my homie did. Me and my homie were bored one day so we got together and always said no homo. We adopted 2 kids and have spent 1 year together and we are engaged and getting married. So one day I am feeling horny and I go to my homie and we fuck, it's good, and I said no homo. 6 minutes in I notice his socks aren't on and then it hits me, he didn't say no homo I am shocked. I asked him to say no homo but he ignored me. Is he gay? Am I gay? How do I tell the kids that?
twitch chat
KappaPride
Holding Galactic Virgins
Virgin Galactic Holdings changes name to Holding Galactic Virgins, and announces it’s changing its business model to extraterrestrial prostitution.
Edit: SpaceX, not to be outdone, changes to SpaceSex