I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to 'fuck' me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to 'fuck' me in my recent years. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Just me and EA hanging out
twitchquotes:
Just me and π°πEAππ°, hanging out I wanted some Star Warsπ so I started to pout π He asked if I was down β¬for something yummy ππ and I asked what and he said he'd give me his π°π¦looties!π¦π° Yeah! Yeah!ππ¦ I earn them!π¦ I buy them!π¦ I purchase them wholeπ¦π° π It makes π°πEAππ° πhappyπ so it's my only goal... ππ¦π«Harder EA! Harder EA! π«π¦π 1 lootieπ¦, 2 lootieπ¦π¦, 3 lootieπ¦π¦π¦, 4π¦π¦π¦π¦ I'm π°πEA'sππ° πDisney princess πbut I'm also a consumer whore! π He makes me OPπ!He makes me feel goodπ! πππHe makes me feel everything a whale should!~ πππ ππ¦πWa-What!ππ¦πο»Ώ
twitch chat
Till I realized Kripp is a dude...
twitchquotes:
ΰΌΌ ΒΊΩΝΒΊ ΰΌ½ I was m*sturbating to this stream for 10 minutes till I realized Kripp is a dude....... ΰΌΌ ΒΊΩΝΒΊ ΰΌ½
twitch chat
Kripp
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Bermuda," I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
Classic
No girlfriend. No friends. No talents.
twitchquotes:
No girlfriend No friends No talents Saturday night alone Wasting time on Twitch Watching a dead game Reading the chat more than the stream Spamming pastas brainlessly Must be me
No girlfriend No friends No talents Saturday night alone Wasting time on Twitch Watching a dead game Reading the chat more than the stream Spamming pastas brainlessly Must be me
twitch chat
Fulfill my dreams of being an industrial vacuum
twitchquotes:
Hello Reynad, big fan here trying to fulfill my dreams of being an industrial vacuum for constipated hospital patients, any tips on sucking ass?
twitch chat
Reynad