[Copypasta] Apple announces an EV program

Oh boy I can't wait until 2024 when I can wake up to my Apple Homepod Siri alarm and check my Apple Watch for notifications and take a shower in my Apple Big Douche then put my makeup on before work in my Apple Mirror then take my Apple Car to my job at Apple Phone Plant #584 so I can work on my Mac Pro workstation designing the latest Apple Product the iShit smart toilet that syncs with your iAsshole to sense when you have a massive log brewing in my large intestine and sends me a notification to my apple colonoscopy bag. Russian hackers will know what I had for dinner.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/khq3x2/what_are_your_moves_tomorrow_december_22_2020/ggmq6xo
What happened to this ad? :(
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Drunk at Applebees

I donā€™t care if thereā€™s a microchip in the vaccine. Iā€™d let them put a whole MacBook Pro inside of me if it meant I could get drunk at Applebees again
December 2020

WallStreetBets

I challenge you to ā€œTurtle Kingā€

Before my ban, someone challenged me to a duel with cocks. I challenge you to ā€œTurtle Kingā€ instead. We each dock our unhardened cocks into each other, then we put on clips of Yellen speaking during FOMC meetings. The first to effectively go from flaccid to erect and push the other out of the ā€œdockā€ is crowned Turtle šŸ¤“. Dual me, Iā€™m 4-0.
October 2021

WallStreetBets

Christmas for a wsb trader

As the tree blinks from white to red to green, you look at the void under the tree that previously held presents. Fewer this year than usual, but some. How did you get here? Boredom? In March, you felt trapped with your wife and infant. You needed something to pass the time. Something you could throw yourself into fully. ā€œAre you coming to bed?ā€ your wife yells down the stairs. It seemed harmless at first, but as the pandemic drew on, so did your investment. Youā€™ll stop soon, though. ā€œSoon!ā€ you reply, and you hear her feet climb the steps. The lights start to blink chaotically. You cringe because you could only afford the junk strands at CVS. Suddenly they haltā€”the alternation feature brokenā€”on red. The red fills the room and covers your flesh. You look down at your hands, and they look like theyā€™re bleeding. Like your calls. After a timeā€”hours?ā€”you realize youā€™re sitting in complete darkness. Your lights have expired, worthless.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

These are classic hedge fund tricks.

WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW IS NOT A SELL-OFF. Melvin Capital is going to throw a lot of tricks at us that will make it look like the stock is dropping. Don't fall for it. Do not sell if you see any of these things happen: GME drops by 30% or more after hours SEC filings show that shorts have all exited their positions GME drops below $1 a share The Gamestop locations near you start closing GME files for bankruptcy GME is delisted from the stock exchange Your bank forecloses on your home for late payment Your children have children of their own who grow up and become investment bankers and tell you that you should stop telling people you're "diamond handing" a company that went out of business 30 years ago These are classic hedge fund tricks.
February 2021

WallStreetBets

Little dribble drop

You guys ever like hustle your pee too quickly and pull your dick in faster than youā€™re done shaking? Then you have that little dribble drop that goes onto your leg. Itā€™s only a drop. But you fucking feel it. Sprawling down your thigh. Making its presence known and ruining whatever plans you just had. Just happened. The fucking worst.
April 2021

WallStreetBets

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