[Copypasta] Xi Jinping isn't so great?

twitchquotes: Xi Jinping isn't so great? Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw a dictator with so much power over a country? Xi Jinping brings the world economy to another level, and we will be blessed if we see another dictator with his skill and passion for human rights again. Mao Zedong breaks records, Stalin breaks records, Xi Jinping breaks the rules. You can keep your free speech, I prefer my social credit score
twitch chat
November 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Peeing with a boner is more difficult than giving birth

According to my scientific studies, Peeing with a boner is more difficult than giving birth. I am being 100 percent serious when I say this. This shouldn't even be an unpopular opinion, people just don't think about what the word "difficult" actually means. Peeing with a boner is more difficult than giving birth. Giving birth is definitely more painful, but pain by itself does not make something difficult. For example, putting my hand in a fire is not difficult, but it would hurt a lot. In order for something to be difficult, there has to be some chance of failure due to lack of skill, practice, or technique. Peeing with a boner often requires creative problem solving skills, especially in small spaces. There is no creative problem solving aspect of giving birth. Additionally, the way humans have evolved for these two actions supports my point. Giving birth is a natural process, which humans have evolved to be able to do. The female body is literally designed so that it can give birth with the lowest possible chance of error. The only real error that can happen is a miscarriage, which is also a natural occurrence, not a failure that occurs due to a lack of skill in giving birth. The male body, on the other hand, has evolved specifically so that peeing with a boner is very difficult. The only purpose for having a boner is to impregnate a woman, so the male body evolved to prevent urination during sex. On top of the difficulty in simply getting the pee to flow, there's the issue of actually positioning yourself so that the boner is pointing into the toilet bowl (urinals are much easier, but not always an option). In the past, I have had to give up and wait until my boner goes away because it was simply too difficult to actually pee in the toilet. There has never been a case where a woman has tried to give birth after being pregnant for nine months, not been able to do it, and said "fuck it" and waited 3 more months to try again because it would be easier the second try. Giving birth happens, every single time, because it's a natural process - peeing with a boner is the opposite.
May 2021

forsenBoys

⣿⣿⣿⡇⢀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⠹⠟⣩⣭⣤⣬⣍⡻⠁⣤⡄⢤⣤⣬⣉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⣈⢿⠄⠄⠤⠤⢠⣿⡿⣩⣤⣍⢻⡷⡀⣿⡇⠠⠬⢹⣿⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⣷⣯⠺⠿⠿⠿⢸⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⢈⣬⡃⣶⡇⣶⣶⣾⡟⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⡌⢷⣶⣌⠛⢩⣼⡿⠁⠽⡇⢰⣦⠐⣉⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣇⣃⣘⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣍⣋⣐⣛⣋⣴⣀⣀⣀⣻⣿⣄⣋⣁⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡟⢩⣴⣶⢰⣶⣬⠁⣤⣦⣶⣶⣶⣶⢀⣶⣦⠹⣿⢰⣶⡆⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⢺⣿⣐⣒⠘⠛⠂⠈⢻⢐⣒⡒⡒⢘⠊⠻⢇⠹⢨⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡷⠆⠙⠫⠻⠿⡑⠄⣉⡣⠙⠛⠋⠂⢸⣽⡇⠹⣷⠘⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡄⢻⡧⢌⠉⣀⠃⠂⠽⠇⠈⠉⡉⣉⢸⣿⡇⣦⠹⣷⡜⠂⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣈⣀⣀⣀⣠⣆⣀⣀⣀⣈⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣿⣧⣀⣈⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⣶⡆⣶⣶⡶⣦⠙⠟⣩⣴⣶⢰⣦⣍⡙⡐⣶⣦⢀⣶⡶⠄⣡⣶⠶⣶⣦⣍⢻ ⡇⣿⡇⣐⡒⣨⡾⠃⢰⣿⢋⣤⣦⡘⡿⠷⢰⠸⢇⡼⣿⢡⠄⣿⣇⣐⠂⠘⢛⣸ ⡇⡿⠁⢛⣛⠻⠶⠄⠸⠍⠸⣿⣿⡇⣰⣻⢰⠇⣾⡌⢀⣾⠷⠌⠙⡓⠛⠿⠤⠙ ⡇⢤⡅⡈⣉⣀⡈⠁⡀⢻⢧⢈⢋⣴⡴⠏⡌⣸⣾⠇⣼⣿⠄⢶⣦⠉⢉⡈⠄⢀ ⣧⣈⣁⣈⣀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣦⣤⣀⣈⣤⣴⣾⣄⣀⣠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣦⣭⣄⣈⣠⣴⣿
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November 2021
Forsen

Emote

Purify is a great card

twitchquotes: Hey guys blizzard here and we just wanted to say purify is a great card if you combo it with ancient watcher you spend 2 cards to get a 4 mana 4/5! think of all that value... If you want even more value you can try it with zombie chow! its a 3 mana 2/3!!!! Finally we just wanted to say we thought it would be better as a rare but we realized priest is not the best in arena so we made it common so almost all priests will have it!...
twitch chat
August 2016
PlayHearthstone

Hearthstone

Infinite poop

twitchquotes: Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.
twitch chat
June 2019

Classic

Infinite Cum

Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.
June 2021

Infinite Cum

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