[Copypasta] My son 🙇was SO cute today

twitchquotes: My son 🙇was SO cute today, he asked me "dad are clouds candy?" I told him they were water. 💦 Then he asked "dad, what's Earth's defense system?" and then I remembered I don't have a son and he asked again his eyes now obsidian black "what is the defense system father"
twitch chat
May 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

I hate Among Us

I can't fucking take it. I see an image of a random object posted and then I see it, I fucking see it. "Oh that looks kinda like the among us guy" it started as. That's funny, that's a cool reference. But I kept going, I'd see a fridge that looked like among us, I'd see an animated bag of chips that looked like among us, I'd see a hat that looked like among us. And every time I'd burst into an insane, breath deprived laugh staring at the image as the words AMOGUS ran through my head. It's torment, psychological torture, I am being conditioned to laugh maniacly any time I see an oval on a red object. I can't fucking live like this... I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't! And don't get me fucking started on the words! I'll never hear the word suspicious again without thinking of among us. Someone does something bad and I can't say anything other than "sus." I could watch a man murder everyone I love and all I would be able to say is "red sus" and laugh like a fucking insane person. And the word "among" is ruined. The phrase "among us" is ruined. I can't live anymore. Among us has destroyed my fucking life. I want to eject myself from this plane of existence. MAKE IT STOP!
February 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Hey, vsauce, Micheal here! Why is my peepee hard? Or is it?

Hey, vsauce, Micheal here! Why is my peepee hard? Or is it? Well, ya see, we need to start with the peepee itself. The hardening of the peepee is called an erection. Erection. The term itself shares a similarity with our own predecessors, Homo Erectus. That's Latin for Gay Straight. So, naturally, we can start to fill in the picture. Our predecessors, Gay Straights, also had hard peepees. Which brings us back to modern day erections. You see, an erection is a signal to tell you that you are gay, a leftover device from the era of Gay Straights. But what is "gay"? To quote Nelson Mandela, "To be gay is not to love others. It is to love yourself and to stay true in the face of many hardships and hard dicks." In Layman's terms, Nelson Mandela is trying to tell us to go fuck ourselves. This is vital to know because it puts into perspective the absolute size of gayness itself, divided into unique homogenous subgroups. Such a diverse range is exactly why the flag of LGBTQBBQ communities is a rainbow. But, you ask, how does this tie in to what gay Is? I'm getting there. Gay is a slang term for homosexual, which is to have sexual interest in someone of the same gender as yourself. To see more on the topic of gender, click the annotation on my face now for a playlist of videos specifically on the subject. So, to answer your question, your peepee is hard because you're gay. Hopefully today's little snippet was a good brain train for you. If you'd like to find other fun ways to test your mind mettle, click the annotation up here to go see some of my huge DONGs. And, as always, thanks for watching.
August 2021

ResidentSleeper pyramid

twitchquotes: only real ResidentSleeper er can build this perfect pyramid ResidentSleeper ResidentSleeper . Try like me !Try like me ! Try like me !! ResidentSleeper ResidentSleeper ResidentSleeper And my pyramid still higher!!!!!! ResidentSleeper ResidentSleeper ResidentSleeper ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
March 2019

Ten reasons why you can't move to Scotland

Tin resins why ye canae move tae Sco'land. Win - We dinnae want ye here Tae - Yer nae hard enough Threh - Ye wouldnae like the wither (and ye wouldne ken hoo tae describ it - dreich, drookit, haar, etc) Fir - Yer a dafty who couldne git intae oor big skels and dinnae ken aboot the Sco'ish Enlightinment Fiv - Yer a big girruls blouse and cannae keep up wi oor drinkin Sex - Yed get snapped in hoff if ye played fitbaw wi us sivvun - Ye coodnae handle the patter It - Wae dinnae wint ye drivin up the hoos prices Nin - Yer pribly a jobbyjabber who likes it it in the backsie Tin - Oor wimmun boke at the sight of ye If somehoo ye dae mit the abuv requirmints then ye can enter but ye must promis to vote fi SNP, the ONLY party that trilly represents Sco'land. Fuck off hame any English cunts.
September 2021

Chad Chat Bubble

⠀⠀⠘⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡜⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠑⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠴⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠤⠄⠒⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣀⠄⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⠀⠁⣿⢳⠁⢈⢰⡦⠈⠀⢻ ⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⢀⣀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠈⠉⠀⠀⠀⡘⠀⢰⠛⢠⣴⣄⣌ ⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⢠⣠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠐⠀⠈⣡⠻⢹⢿ ⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠄⠀⠀⡀⣀⣼⣟⣿⢵⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣠⠀⠢⣽ ⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⣌⢖⣰⠊⠁⢸⣿⡟⠈⠀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⡄⢰⢺ ⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⢴⢖⣠⣣⣴⣿⢿⡇⣈⠐⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢠⣸ ⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠋⠅⠀⡀⢼⣿⠯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣼⣿ ⡿⠁⠸⣄⣦⡀⠀⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⡤⠄⠄⠀⠀⠈⠉⠁⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⢸⣿ ⠇⠀⠀⡹⢿⡏⠀⣾⣿⣟⠋⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠎⠉⠉⠉⠛⣤⣿ ⡆⠀⡀⢣⢈⡟⠠⠻⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⢸⣶⣷⣷⣧⡄⠀⠀⢿⣧⢀⡀⠀⠉⢡⣿⣿ ⣿⣦⡀⠘⢼⠃⣠⡲⠛⢿⡿⣿⡀⡀⠀⠹⣿⣿⡟⠀⠠⣤⠘⣿⣶⣿⣶⡾⣳⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⣿⣶⡌⠰⡅⠌⠠⠈⠈⠙⢙⠑⢰⠀⠨⠟⠀⠀⣴⢌⡅⢻⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⢇⣿⣿⠣⢿⣮⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠈⠁⣶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⢡⣺⣿⣿⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣾⣿⣏⠐⣿⢟⡈⠂⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣢⣼⣸⣿⡿⢈⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠃⡀⠈⠑⠁⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠲⠀⠀⠄⣀⠀⣸⣷⣮⣍⠃⢹⠇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢀⣾⣷⣶⣌⠀⠠⠀⠀⢀⠍⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠈⠙⠋⢰⡝⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀⣼⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⡀⢀⣼⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣯⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠌⠓⡀⢰⣮⣾⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⠀⣹⣿⣿⣿⠗⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠈⠝⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡏⠀⣿⣿⣿⠿⠃⢀⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⢠⣶⣾⣮⣙⡻⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⡼⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⡑⡝⣿⣿⣿
September 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing