[Copypasta] A navy seal trained in gorilla warfare

twitchquotes: Please do not copy and paste this copypasta. It is my original copypasta and is protected by copyright law. If I see anyone pasting my intellectual property without permission, a navy seal trained in gorilla warfare will smite you.
twitch chat
September 2015
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Lying about service dogs

I work in a restaurant. We only allow dogs in if they are service dogs. If anyone comes in with any dog I ask; β€˜Is it a service dog?’ With a big wink to give them the opportunity to lie to me making it obvious I want them to. If at first they say β€˜no’ I reply with β€˜are you sure? This dog here? Sure looks like a service dog to me. Are you sure this is not a service dog?’with another big wink Always works. I love dogs
July 2021

When Kripp gets topdecked, it's seen as a bit of salty fun

twitchquotes: When Kripp gets topdecked, it's seen as a bit of salty fun. BUT when Reynad gets a 420 YOLO Rag Pro 5000 hit to the face with 6 different minions on the board, lethal next turn, together with top-deck skill command with one mana webspinner, he's called Salt God?
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

Hearthstone

salty

Minecraft creeper head v2

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ascii art
August 2021

Minecraft

Under the sea

twitchquotes: 🎡Under the sea🎡 🎡Under the sea🎡 πŸ§œβ€Darling it's better πŸ‘‡ Down where it's wetter 🌊 Take it from πŸ¦€me 😍 Up ☝️ on the πŸ– shore they πŸ‘”work all dayπŸ˜… Out in the 🌞sun they slave away πŸ’¦While we devotin' 🐠 Full time to floatin 🏊🏽 🎡Under the sea🎡
twitch chat
October 2018

AITA for slapping a stand-up comedian who dissed my wife?

AITA for slapping a stand-up comedian who dissed my wife? Okay, little background. My (53M) wife (50F) has a medical condition called Alopeca Areata, which basically means she has excessive hair loss, and is currently bald. My relationship with my wife wasn't stable over the years, and I've caught her cheating on me multiple times, but we've pulled through. Anyway, we went to an awards show and usually there is a comedian who hosts the show and makes jokes at everybody (in a good way). The comedian was a guy we know (and he knew us), and we had a really good time. At one point, he mentioned me and my wife and I was happy he acknowledged us. But then, he took a jab at my wife about her condition, which I thought was way out of line, but I laughed out of embarrassment. My wife, on the other hand, was not laughing at all and rolled her eyes. At that moment I knew I had to stand up for her. I got up on stage, smacked the sh*t out of the guy, and went back to my seat. The comedian was shocked and really wasn't expecting my reaction. He wanted to keep talking about my wife but I shouted at him to stop. Usually I don't curse, but I was really pissed about the whole situation. My friends could see I was upset and during the break they came to comfort me, but other people think I'm the asshole. What do you think?
April 2022

Am I The Asshole?

Will Smith Slap

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