[Copypasta] A navy seal trained in gorilla warfare

twitchquotes: Please do not copy and paste this copypasta. It is my original copypasta and is protected by copyright law. If I see anyone pasting my intellectual property without permission, a navy seal trained in gorilla warfare will smite you.
twitch chat
September 2015
I used to be a real ad
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All hail Wildturtle!

twitchquotes: OMG Its The Real Wildturtle! The best player in the whole NA Server! We are so blessed to be graced with this stream. All Hail Wildturtle!!! Please copy and paste this to show the great Wildturtle our love!
twitch chat
November 2014
WildTurtle

Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. Iā€™m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but Iā€™m not sure what to say in interviews now if Iā€™m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021

DrDisrespect's announcement

Hey guys. uuuuuh... I kinda have a little bit of an announcement, I just wanna be completely transparent with you guys, as you guys know I have a beautiful family, and a wife, and kid. And I wanna be transparent that I've been unfaithful, and I'm probably going to be taking some time away, t-time off, to focus on... Stupid fucking mistakes man
June 2019
DrDisRespectLIVE

Hey dad, you never answered any of my calls all day

twitchquotes: Hey dad, you never answered any of my calls all day. Still waiting for you to pick up me and Cattarian from the "Foster Care" fun park that you left us at a few months ago. Tell Motherania that we miss her too. If you dont pick us up soon we'll be forced to work in the salt mines. Love, Kripp Jr
twitch chat
June 2015
Kripp

I dropped my bag of Le Meme

twitchquotes: <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< Oh sorry, I dropped my bag of ā„’ā„Æ ā„³ā„°ā„³ā„° <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <><<>< <>< <>< <>< <><
twitch chat
December 2014
Forsen
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