[Copypasta] Service dog approaches you

twitchquotes: If a service dog without a person approaches you, it means the person is down and in need of help. Follow the dog and you'll get a free purse or wallet.
twitch chat
April 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Krippler and the Donger people

twitchquotes: Krippler's aim is to establish a New Order of absolute Nazi German hegemony in the Twitch Metaverse. To this end, his foreign and domestic policies had the aim of seizing Lebensraum ("living space") for the Donger people. Under Krippler's rule, in 1941 German forces and their European allies occupied most of Europe and North Africa.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Am I the asshole for dropping my 6 year old son at an orphanage for his inability to trade options?

This started about 4 years ago when my son was 2 years old. I started to supplement his picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I feel like he has retained absolutely nothing even though I have spent every waking minute trying to make him understand. I have done almost everything that I have thought of including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while he is sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make him understand the market. I felt as though I got to a breaking point when he couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. I finally convinced my wife that we were doing the right thing when I said that he will soon be a Wendy's worker begging his wife's husband for a weekly allowance because he will never amount to be anything. I couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy check out Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska and maybe your luck will be better than mine with him.
September 2021

Am I The Asshole?

WallStreetBets

My name is Shigekiyo Yangu

twitchquotes: My name is Shigekiyo Yangu. I'm a second-year at Budogaoka Middle School. I weigh 110 kilograms, and my Papa and Mama call me "Shigechi". "Shige-chan" turned into "Shigechi". My turtle I have at home is named Gonta. The other day I was wondering if the 41 yen, 62 yen and 150 yen stamps all tasted different, so I was licking them, and Mama yelled at me. This is a picture of my Mama, who yelled at me.
twitch chat
December 2019

BURGERS I EAT ALL DAY

twitchquotes: OpieOP BURGERS I EAT ALL DAY OpieOP LEAGUE OF LEGENDS I CANNOT PLAY OpieOP EU STAR PLAYERS I HAVE TO PAY OpieOP PROPER HEALTHCARE AN OCEAN AWAY OpieOP YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT OpieOP IM NA OpieOP
twitch chat
August 2018

Classic

EU vs NA

Kripp invites twitch chat to his wedding

twitchquotes: ★ ★ ° ☾ ☆ ¸¸ . …somewhere ° ☾ ° ¸. ● ¸ . ★ ° :. . • ° . * :. . ¸ .☾ . ● ¸ . ★ ° . • ○ ° ★ . * . ☾ ° ¸. …in a parallel universe* ● ¸ ° ☾ °☆ . * ¸. ★ ★ ° . . . ☾ °☆ . * ● ¸ . ★°★ . * . . ¸. * ● ¸ . …KRIPP ° ☾ ★ °● ¸ . ★ ° :. . • ○ ° ★. ● . ° ☾ °° . * :. . ¸ . ● ¸ * . …invites twitch chat to his wedding
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing