[Copypasta] Magic the Gathering Thought Erasure

twitchquotes: Yesterday, there was a Magic the Gathering tournament at my local hobby shop. My girlfriend decided to tag along and come support me. I ended up doing pretty poorly (1-3), but the hobby shop gave out a consolation prize of a random foiled uncommon card. The card that I received was called "Thought Erasure" and immediately held the card up to my girlfriend and said "AND I CAST THOUGHT ERASURE, BE GONE THOT!" as a joke, but said it pretty loudly. The shop is pretty small and a lot of people caught wind of my act and needless to say my girlfriend was very embarrassed. We're home now and she still hasn't spoken to me. I'm fucked boys.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
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I hate, hate, hate coffee culture

I hate, hate, hate coffee culture. I can't stand people saying, "Oh, I can't do anything until I get a warm cup of coffee in me." Shut up. Being a former smoker, I recognize the addiction and subsequent irritability of coffee drinkers and it bugs me to no end that caffeine gets glossed over as an addictive substance, or even fucking celebrated to some extent. Those people who brag about needing 5 expresso shots (sorry, esssspresso) a day need an intervention, not a nod of approval. Seriously, all you coffee drinkers are the biggest group of fucking enablers I've ever seen. When doing group activities, like camping, I loathe waiting for others to start their day after a morning ritual that hogs counter space, or propane, or dirties good clean water. I hate the sleepy look in peoples' eyes as they grasp their cup of stimulant that they wouldn't need had they never started drinking it in the first place. There's an entire fucking cupboard in my kitchen dedicated to stupid coffee mugs and their dumb sayings staring back at me despite living in a household where only one person drinks coffee. Why? And the dishes. Since nearly every person drinks coffee, inevitably us non-coffee drinkers are going to have to clean up after your morning fix. Seriously, I've done so many goddamned cleanings of coffee mugs if I had a dime for every one, I'd probably have enough for a Starbucks franchise. And don't even get me started on Starbucks. Godamned devil business slanging legal crack for decades, hogging good real estate so addicts have a place to slurp up and get their morning shit in before work. Lastly, I despise the amalgam of ways people cook up their black powder and then talk up the flavor as though it tastes like something other than a dirty sock. That's your addiction speaking. You want to know why you need to dump half an udder of cream in your cup? It's because cream is fucking delicious and when combined with your filthy water, makes it somewhat bearable. And your stupid machines that creak and groan through the quietude of my morning can go fuck themselves. Talk about a waste of counter-space. And the spent black stimulant granules that spill over onto the counter, staining the grout drives me nuts. And lastly, the goddamned keurig cups or whatever they're called are one of humanity's worst inventions, sandwiched between Glyphosate and Joe Rogan. At least the meth addicts don't deposit a plastic remnant that will persist in landfills for hundreds of years spreading micro-plastics into our environment every time they need to get high.
September 2021

Scary Reddit alien

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡯⠄⢀⣄⣤⣀⡀⠄⢼⣿⣿⡄⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠂⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠉⠙⠉⠄⣠⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠋⠄⠘⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠿⠛⠉⠉⠛⠛⠉⢀⣀⣤⣤⣦⣶⣶⣶⣶⣴⣤⣤⣀⡀⠉⠛⠛⠉⠉⠙⠻⣿ ⡏⠄⣴⣾⠓⢀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠹⣿⣦⠄⠈ ⡇⠐⢿⠁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⠫⠩⡙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⠍⡛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠈⡿⠃⠄ ⣿⡄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣗⣅⣵⣔⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⣢⣑⣐⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⢠⣾ ⣿⡇⠄⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣻⣿⢿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⡄⠄⠝⣞⠯⣟⡿⣼⠫⡶⠸⠖⠃⠛⠢⠆⠖⢭⢫⣾⣻⣝⢷⠛⠄⢠⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣆⡀⠈⠫⡫⡟⣿⡂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣯⣟⢗⠝⠁⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⡀⠈⢫⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⢸⣿⡳⠅⠁⣀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠓⣿⡤⡘⠰⠰⢘⣠⣿⠇⠅⠠⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⢀⠑⠝⢽⣙⣘⠵⠏⠃⡀⢡⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⡤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
April 2021

Hurr Durr Durr Pizza

twitchquotes: ᕕOpieOPᕗ Ｈｅｌｌｏ Ｋｒｉｐｐ， Ｃｙｂｒｉｘ ｈｅｒｅ． Ｊｕｓｔ ｗａｎｔｅｄ ｔｏ ｓａｙ： ♩♬～♪ ＨＵＲＲ ＤＵＲＲ ＰＩＺＺＡ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ ＨＵＲＲ ＤＵＲＲ ＰＩＺＺＡ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ ＨＵＲＲ ＤＵＲＲ ＰＩＺＺＡ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ ＨＵＲＲ ＤＵＲＲ ＰＩＺＺＡ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ＨＵＲＲ ＤＵＲＲ ＰＩＺＺＡ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ ＨＵＲＲ ＤＵＲＲ ＰＩＺＺＡ ᕕOpieOPᕗ
twitch chat
June 2014
Kripp

Transcript of Will Smith and his wife

Jada: Are you going to let him speak about me like that? Will: What, it was funny, you were terrible in G.I. Jane J: I wasn't in G.I. Jane, Will W: Oh, then why did he say that? J: It was a joke about my hair!! W: Girl, you ain't got no hair J: THATS THE POINT WILL!! W: Ohh. ohhhh. OH Hell No!!
March 2022

Will Smith Slap

What is trolling?

twitchquotes: Trolling - the mental disorder of being in-denial while not having to admit that they're truly lonely and in need of desperate attention while also being under the influence of being sarcastic and in most cases just idiotic. Trolling is also represented by just typing the Kappa emote. Kappa Pls copypaste to spread awareness Kappa
twitch chat
May 2015
imaqtpie
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