[Copypasta] Magic the Gathering Thought Erasure

twitchquotes: Yesterday, there was a Magic the Gathering tournament at my local hobby shop. My girlfriend decided to tag along and come support me. I ended up doing pretty poorly (1-3), but the hobby shop gave out a consolation prize of a random foiled uncommon card. The card that I received was called "Thought Erasure" and immediately held the card up to my girlfriend and said "AND I CAST THOUGHT ERASURE, BE GONE THOT!" as a joke, but said it pretty loudly. The shop is pretty small and a lot of people caught wind of my act and needless to say my girlfriend was very embarrassed. We're home now and she still hasn't spoken to me. I'm fucked boys.
twitch chat
November 2018
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Discovering a way to produce eggs much like a chicken does

twitchquotes: Hello, i come to seek help. I am interested in trying to discover a way to produce eggs much like a chicken does. i have tested inserting the egg into myself and hoping it will act like a seed and grow like a tree in my belly but so far it has not been successful. Please help i struggle to sleep at night without an answer.
twitch chat
December 2014
Forsen

m'lady tip fedora

⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢯⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿ ⡇⣉⡙⠻⠁⠄⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣼⣿⣿ ⣿⠌⠻⢿⣷⣦⣤⣀⡀⠄⠉⠙⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⠋⠄⢰⡆⠉⠛⠿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠋⣭⡛⣿⣿ ⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣉⣙⡿⢿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣉⡙⢶⢹ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣭⣝⣛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠷⢶⣦⡤⢤⠘⣿⠄⡾ ⠄⠄⡔⢲⣤⣴⡆⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣬⠍⠄⠄⢰⣾⣷⡆⠄⠄⣄⣤⣾⣧⡞⣱ ⠄⠘⣾⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⣸⣿⣍⡿⠿⠿⠇ ⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⡿⣿⣯⢻⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢱⣿⡏⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣉⣉⣉⡉⠉⠁⢿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⡁⣛⣿⣁⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠻⣿⣿⣿⠻⣿⣿⣶⣬⡙⠛⠛⠿⠟⠻⠿⠇⢀⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠉⠉⠉⠁⠄⠈⠹⢿⣿⣿⣙⠿⢿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠻⣿⣷⣤⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄m'lady
ascii art
November 2021

Simps

OMG you're so FUNNY so quirky

😂😂OMG 😂 you’re so FUNNY 🤣 🤣 so quirky 👉👈 🤪 so different 🤩absolute crackhead energy 🤪🤪 comedic genius🧠 😂 I literally can’t ❌ breathe 😭 i’m crying dude 😭😭 that was so hilarious 😆 u really got the whole squad laughing 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦😂👩‍👩‍👦‍👦😂👨‍👨‍👧‍👦 high IQ comedy 🧠🧠 how’d you come up with that 🧐😂 really original work 😂 never seen 🙈 or heard 🙉 anything like that before 😂 😂 😂 great 👍 job 👍👍 keep up the funnies 👑🤣👑 i love you 💕 😘 you’re my inspiration 🤩🤩🤩 if only i were as funny 😄 or smart 🤓 or cool 😎 as you 😔 but its whatever I’ll continue to watch 👁👄👁 your content 🎥🤳 because it ❌NEVER EVER❌ fails to make me laugh 😂😂 thank you 🙏 for existing 😇 and doing what you do ❤️❤️
April 2022

Emoji Pasta

If you're a grown-ass man and you still wipe your ass, you're not a real man.

This should be self-explanatory but apparently, I have to justify myself. There's nothing more feminine than using a product on your body. Makeup is 100% feminine and by the same logic, so is wiping your ass. I haven't wiped my ass in about 4 years, and I've NEVER had any issues. My digestive system is in the top 1% in terms of regularity, functionality, and performance, and I've never once felt the need to "clean up" after myself. If you shit, and you need to wipe, you've got an emasculated GI tract and that's your own issue. Man up and get your shit (literally) together.
May 2021

Is that insider trading?

If you're a passenger on a newly recertified 737MAX and it starts to nosedive into the sea so you buy shitloads of BA puts over WiFi before impact, is that insider trading?
December 2020

WallStreetBets

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