[Copypasta] Magic the Gathering Thought Erasure

twitchquotes: Yesterday, there was a Magic the Gathering tournament at my local hobby shop. My girlfriend decided to tag along and come support me. I ended up doing pretty poorly (1-3), but the hobby shop gave out a consolation prize of a random foiled uncommon card. The card that I received was called "Thought Erasure" and immediately held the card up to my girlfriend and said "AND I CAST THOUGHT ERASURE, BE GONE THOT!" as a joke, but said it pretty loudly. The shop is pretty small and a lot of people caught wind of my act and needless to say my girlfriend was very embarrassed. We're home now and she still hasn't spoken to me. I'm fucked boys.
twitch chat
November 2018
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Ben Shapiro ordering pizza

Hello, is this Pizza Hut? Excellent. My name is Ben Shapiro. Conservative thought leader. Prominent white YouTuber. The Muggsy Bogues of the intellectual dark Web. Andβ€”look, it’s just a factβ€”I would like to order some pizza pie. If you are triggered by that request, I do not care. I truly do not. Now let’s discuss conditions. First, thank you for agreeing to debate me. Typically, in fora such as this, I am met with ad-hominem mudslinging, anything from β€œYou racist creep” or β€œIs that your real voice?” to raucous schoolyard laughter and threats of the dreaded β€œtoilet swirly.” However, your willingness to engage with me over the phone on the subject of pizza shows an intellectual fortitude and openness to dangerous ideas which reflects highly on your character. Huzzah, good sir. Huzzah. Second, any pizza I order will be male. None of this β€œOur pizza identifies as trans-fluid-pan-poly”—no. Pizza is a boy. With a penis. It’s that simple. It’s been true for all of human history, from Plato to Socrates to Mr. Mistoffelees, and any attempt to rewrite the pillars of Western thought will be met with a hearty β€œFuh!” by yours truly. And, trust me, that is not a fate you wish to meet. Now. With regard to my topping preference. I have eaten from your pizzeria in times past, and it must be said: your pepperoni is embarrassingly spicy. Frankly, it boggles the mind. I mean, what kind of drugs are you inhaling over there? Pot?! One bite of that stuff and I had to take a shower. So tread lightly when it comes to spice, my good man. You do not want to see me at my most epic. Like the great white hero of Zack Snyder’s classic film β€œ300,” I will kick you. Onions, peppersβ€”no, thank you. If I wanted veggies, I’d go to a salad bar. I’m not some sort of vegan, Cory Booker weirdo. And your efforts to Michelle Obama-ize the great American pizza pie are, frankly, hilarious. Though not as funny as the impressively named P’Zoneβ€”when I finally figured out that genuinely creative pun, I laughed until I cried and peed. A true Spartan admits defeat, and I must admit that, in this instance, your Hut humor slayed me, Dennis Miller style. And, with that, you have earned my order. Congratulations. Ahem. Without further ado, I would like your smallest child pizza, no sauce, extra cheese. Hello? Aha. A hang-up. Another triggered lib, bested by logic. Damn it. I’m fucking starving.
August 2021

Ben Shapiro

Oh so I’m a simp?

twitchquotes: Oh so I’m a simp? Complimenting women on Twitter makes me a simp? Supporting woman with a $99.99 subscription to her onlyfans makes me a simp? Visiting her and getting arrested makes me a simp? You’re right. It does make me a simp. (S)uper (I)ncredible (M)an (P)
twitch chat
April 2020

Simps

I am glad Protoss exists

twitchquotes: Say what you will about the Protoss race, but I for one am glad they exist. I was born with a disability that means I only have 1 finger on each hand. Blizzard was extremely considerate to provide a race I can win with even with this disability, very inclusive. Oh also my disability left me blind and with only 3 brain cells but Protoss allows me to get a low GM rank. Thank you Blizzard for caring for the disabled like me :)
twitch chat
March 2019

Starcraft 2

Your team is all washed up

twitchquotes: Rick Fox invites Shiphtur to his private island, and says to him, "I want you to play on my team." "But who will be my teammates?" Shiphtur replies. Just as he asks that, Dyrus, Scarra, Voyboy and Imaqtpie swim ashore. Rick Fox smiles as he looks towards the shore: "Your team is all washed up."
twitch chat
July 2017

League of Legends

Twin Towers

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–Œβ–„β–„β–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–β–Œβ–‘β–β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–β–Œβ–‘β–β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–‘ β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–“β–Œβ–‘β–β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ–„β–„β–Œβ–‘ β–’β–’β–Œβ–’β–„β–„β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ–β–“β–Œβ–„β–β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–Œβ–’β–Œ β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–“β–ˆβ–“β–’β–β–“β–Œβ–Œβ–Œβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–Œβ–’β–Œ β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–β–’β–Œβ–β–Œβ–„β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–’β–“β–’β–Œ β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–β–’β–Œβ–β–Œβ–β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–„β–“β–„β–„ β–“β–“β–Œβ–β–„β–“β–“β–ˆβ–“β–β–’β–Œβ–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ
ascii art
April 2018
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