[Copypasta] Homo Sapiens

twitchquotes: When I was 12 yrs old, a male friend asked me if I was Homosexual or Heterosexual. I didn't know what either meant, but I did know we were called Homo Sapiens. So I said I was Homosexual. He laughed at me. He then explained the difference and then I said I must be heterosexual because I had sex with his mom.
twitch chat
July 2018
I used to be a real ad
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In Twitch Chat they don't say I love you

twitchquotes: In Twitch Chat they don't say "I love you", instead they say "OMEGALUL" which translates to "I watch you to not laugh with you, but at you" and I think that's really beautiful.
twitch chat
February 2019

My mom took away my Xbox

twitchquotes: My mom took away my Xbox. This is the saddest moment in my life. The most pain and unimaginable suffering I have ever felt before. Have I been a bad boy? Is that why she did what she did? I don’t know. I have so many questions. I also have depression because of lack of Xbox. I can’t play Minecraft. I love Minecraft so so much, it’s my favorite game in the entire world. Why would she take such joy and happiness away from me? Does she think I do bad things on there? If so, she should know that I join good Christian Minecraft servers only. That’s it.... I give up. I can’t fr*cking take another painful second of this anymore. This torture is what has been depressing me for so long. I swear to h**k, I’ll get that Xbox back if it kills me.
twitch chat
December 2018

Destroy and obliterate the Economy of Turkey

twitchquotes: As I have stated strongly before, and just to reiterate, if Turkey does anything that I, in my great and unmatched wisdom, consider to be off limits, I will totally destroy and obliterate the Economy of Turkey (I’ve done before!). They must, with Europe and others, watch over the captured ISIS fighters and families. The U.S. has done far more than anyone could have ever expected, including the capture of 100% of the ISIS Caliphate. It is time now for others in the region, some of great wealth, to protect their own territory. THE USA IS GREAT!
twitch chat
October 2019

Joe Biden eat hot chip and lie

twitchquotes: He lets out a sigh and then a plastic smile. “Under the Biden administration,” he says, carefully “There will be a few new rules. It will be forbidden to cook,” The crowd gasps. “Everyone will have to eat McDonalds,” Jill hangs her head in shame. “You may have to charge your phone. You may have to twerk. Hell, you may even have to be bisexual.” An uproar starts in the crowd, but Biden ushers a silence with his next words “But it will all be worth it when we as a people can eat hot chip and lie. Thank you.” Biden leaves the podium to a thunderous applause. America is saved.
twitch chat
November 2020

My son, why did you tap last?

twitchquotes: In Romanian village there is very little water. Papparian is thirsty and asks Kripparian to get some water for him from the water tap 2 miles away. Kripp decides to go to the store first. A few hours later Kripp brings Papparian his water, only to find Papparian has had a heat stroke. With his dying breath, Papparian asks "My son, why did you tap last?"
twitch chat
February 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

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