[Copypasta] My mom took away my Xbox

twitchquotes: My mom took away my Xbox. This is the saddest moment in my life. The most pain and unimaginable suffering I have ever felt before. Have I been a bad boy? Is that why she did what she did? I don’t know. I have so many questions. I also have depression because of lack of Xbox. I can’t play Minecraft. I love Minecraft so so much, it’s my favorite game in the entire world. Why would she take such joy and happiness away from me? Does she think I do bad things on there? If so, she should know that I join good Christian Minecraft servers only. That’s it.... I give up. I can’t fr*cking take another painful second of this anymore. This torture is what has been depressing me for so long. I swear to h**k, I’ll get that Xbox back if it kills me.
twitch chat
December 2018
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No one this year has a chance against TL

twitchquotes: Hate to break it to you, but no one this year has a chance against TL. They are easily the best team in the world this year, and its easy to see why. You have Impact, former world champion and the tank god ready to reclaim his title, and there is nothing that will stand in his way. Xmithie, the legendary jungle who knows the ins and outs of every single part of the game, ask him how much damage krugs will do to Anivia jungle at level 2 with just the starting item? He knows. Ask him where Mlxg will be at 20:43 into the game when its only 10:12? He can give you an area accurate to withing 500 units. You have Jensen, easily clapping perkz, caps, and your mum, as well as dominating the inferior Chinese and Korean mids. You have Doublelift, so called because he can carry twice as hard as any other ADC in the game, backed up by CoreJJ, a world champion who is so accurate with his Thresh hooks Riot had to program in a random number generator just to make sure he misses at least 20% of them to keep it fair to the enemy. Anyone who thinks EU, China, Korea, or any other team has a chance this year is straight up wrong.
twitch chat
August 2019

League of Legends

Canadian man brofisting the local Greek population

twitchquotes: Last night in Greece, Greek police heard reports of a Canadian man in a blue tacky sweater walking around the streets at night, 'brofisting' the local population. As a result 20,000 greek citizens have contracted the casualitis. If you see this man, please report to greek policerino department.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

AITA for not going to my friend’s funeral home if he isn’t coming to mine?

So me (69m) and my friend (69m) were at waffle house (7300 Innerplan Dr, North Little Rock, Arkansas 72113-7645, US) and were discussing funerals (6-9k). I mentioned that since I will be attending his funeral (approx. 2032) that it would be impudent for him not to turn up to mine (approx. 2036). Long story short, this lead for him to swing a naughty haymaker (right) directly aiming for my jaw when I rapidly dodged and gave the cheeky cunt a swift uppercut (broken nose). He is now hospitalized (critical condition) and I am now currently evading law enforcement (on foot). My family (69f wife, 54m son, 69f wife) have been trying to contact me but I keep telling them if I ever see that punk again, I will give him a little combo (right hook, left hook, headbutt then roundhouse kick). If he is still moving I will stomp on his head until he is a little red smear on the bottom of my boot (black timberlands). I know I’m right but I feel as if I may have overreacted a tiny bit (not too much) AITA?
November 2019

Am I The Asshole?

Goblin

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⠤⢶⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠛⢻⣷⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⠶⣏⣀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⣀⣈⣿⡿⢷⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢠⠤⠤⠤⠠⠾⠷⠾⠿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⣛⣋⣉⣁⡀⢳⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢸⡀⢰⡆⢀⡤⠄⢰⡂⠉⠛⠁⢹⣿⠿⠛⢩⣥⣶⣿⠃⢸⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⡄ ⠄⠄⠄⣧⡄⡇⢸⠁⣶⣧⠄⣤⣿⣧⠈⠁⣶⣷⠄⢸⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⣼⡇ ⠄⠄⢶⣌⡁⠉⠘⠄⠈⢁⣔⠉⢹⣿⢆⢠⣬⣥⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣿⠟⣠⠶⢋⡽⠁ ⠄⠄⢠⠛⠃⣤⢾⣿⠃⣎⣹⣿⣿⣷⠿⢆⣿⠿⠿⠟⣛⡛⠿⣿⣼⠃⣶⡞⠃⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢠⣼⢱⠖⡀⡀⢿⣿⠿⠛⣁⣋⣭⠖⣌⠻⢿⣿⠟⡆⣹⣥⡏⣀⡄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢿⡈⢹⡎⣾⡇⠱⠈⡁⠄⣶⠉⣉⢁⢸⣿⡀⠈⠁⣆⣰⣿⠏⣰⣿⡇⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣓⠘⠃⢛⣠⣥⣤⣶⡶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣤⣴⠾⢋⣌⠻⠂⣉⣉⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⣴⡃⣿⡿⢡⣆⢉⣛⣩⣭⣤⣶⣶⣦⣬⣭⣥⣶⡶⠇⣿⡟⢰⣷⡌⣿⣷⡀⠄ ⢀⠻⡇⠛⢃⡟⣿⢰⣌⢙⠻⠿⢿⣿⡿⢻⠟⣁⠉⢡⡆⠋⠞⣸⠟⡁⠉⣿⣧⠄ ⠘⢧⡄⣤⣤⢠⡟⣸⣿⣿⣧⣀⣠⣜⣠⣤⣼⣿⡇⠸⢃⣼⡄⢃⣼⠃⣤⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
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November 2021

John Cena eats Bing Chilling

Zǎoshang hǎo zhōngguó xiànzài wǒ yǒu BING CHILLING 🥶🍦 wǒ hěn xǐhuān BING CHILLING 🥶🍦 dànshì sùdù yǔ jīqíng 9 bǐ BING CHILLING 🥶🍦 sùdù yǔ jīqíng sùdù yǔ jīqíng 9 wǒ zuì xǐhuān suǒyǐ…xiànzài shì yīnyuè shíjiān zhǔnbèi 1 2 3 liǎng gè lǐbài yǐhòu sùdù yǔ jīqíng 9 ×3 bùyào wàngjì bùyào cu òguò jìdé qù diànyǐngyuàn kàn sùdù yǔ jīqíng 9 yīn wéi fēicháng hǎo diànyǐng dòngzuò fēicháng hǎo chàbùduō yīyàng BING CHILLING 🥶🍦zàijiàn 🥶🍦
November 2021
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