[Copypasta] DONALD TRUMP NUDES

twitchquotes: IF ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ YOU ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ SEE ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ A LINK ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ THAT ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ SAYS ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ DONALD ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ TRUMP ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ NUDES ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ DONโ€™T ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ CLICK ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ ITS ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ A ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ VIRUS ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ THAT ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ PUTS ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ AMERICAN ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ FLAGS ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ BETWEEN ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ EVERY ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ WORD ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ YOU ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ TYPE
twitch chat
October 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Natalie Portman is the reason I work out

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink. "Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave. Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette. "Got a spare?" she asks. "What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles. "Conversation with me, duh." I laugh. "What's so funny?" she protests. "Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?" "You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter. "What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask. "Teaching, I think." "And if I was your student, what would I be learning?" "Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?" "Bermuda," I say. "Oh wow. That's lovely." "It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking." "What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires. "I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
January 2021

Classic

Biden's America

The year is 2021. You look at the television. SIlver fox President Biden announces a vaccine mandate for employees. You clutch your limited edition Trump Funko Pop. It has begun. You gather up all your belongings, and jump into your truck, hitting the highway for the airport. Out of your rearview mirror you can make out a sleek black Prius pursuing you. You make out the numbers โ€œ1โ€ โ€œ9โ€ โ€œ8โ€ and 4โ€ on their license plate. You are able to lose the Prius and arrive at the airport. You are almost free. At airport security You see a young man being dragged away screaming. The guards yell something about him having more than 3.4 oz of liquid. Thankfully you only have an AR 15 on you. The guard inspects it. โ€œItโ€™s for hunting,โ€ you say. They hand it back to you and wave for you to move along. You breathe a sigh of relief. โ€œOne more thing.โ€ You turn to see a Guard staring down at you with their beady soulless eyes. โ€œI need to see your vaccination cardโ€ It is too late. You try to run away, but you feel someone press a cloth against your face. Reality fades away. You wake up in some kind of lab, chained down to an operation table and gagged. The room is undecorated except for a single poster of Harry Styles in a dress on the wall. A single figure stands in the corner shrouded in shadow, fiddling with a syringe. As they step out of the shadow, you can make out their face, the roguishly handsome Gavin Newsom. He positions a large surgical headlight above you and turns it on. He holds up the large syringe to the light and chuckles, staring into your pleading eyes. โ€œDon't worry, it will all be over soonโ€ He removes his mask to reveal his serpent's tongue, flickering in amusement. He plunges the syringe straight through your โ€œsocialism is for figsโ€ shirt into your arm. โ€œNighty nightโ€ Your world fades to black once more.
October 2021

Joe Biden

Politics

A man has fallen into the river in Lego City! (uwu version)

a man has fawwen into teh riwer in lego city! owo start the rescuwu hewicopter HEY nuzzles u Buiwd teh hewicopter and owoff to the resucuwu prepare the lifeline, lowoer the stwetcher and make teh resucuwu the newu emewgency cowwection fwom lego city!!!
December 2020

Lego City

Kripp's chat is not raising enough dongers

twitchquotes: Dearest Kripparian, this is the Donger Police. We have inside information that states your chat has not been raising a sufficient amount of dongers. We are going to have to shut down your stream if you don't ask your chat to raise their dongers.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Have you heard about Twitch Prime?

twitchquotes: Hey guys, have you heard about Twitch Prime? Did you know you can link your Amazon Prime account to your Twitch account, and subscriber to your favorite streamer FOREVER... for 30 days.. FOR FREE!
twitch chat
November 2020
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