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YOU ARE NOW BREATHING AND BLINKING MANUALLY
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I used to be a real ad
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The LGBTQ future
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The year is 2040. The LGBTQ party has taken over the whole world. Being heterosexual is illegal. At age 14, everyone is forced by law to change to another one of the 666 different genders. The last gamers hide in the sewers, eating rats and enjoying decade-old videogames; the last ones without identity politics woven directly in the code. Their last hope: leaving edgy comments in reviews on Steam.
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I used to work at an abortion clinic
I used to work at an abortion clinic and I saw some extremely fucked up shit there which is why I'm so anti-abortion now. This is just SOME of the horrible stuff I personally witnessed:
• A 23 year old woman came in 11 months into her pregnancy and said "I don't want my stupid baby anymore, kill it" and the doctor said "okay" and he put jumper cables up her baby hole and connected them to a car battery and let it run for six days straight
• A little 8-year old girl wandered in and said "I want an abortion but I am not pregnant" and the doctor said "we'll fix that" and he stole a baby and cut the girl open and put the baby inside her and sewed her shut and then woke the girl up and said "congratulations it's a healthy six year old boy" and the girl said "can I keep him" and the doctor said no and then backed over her in the parking lot with his brand new Ford Raptor
• They made me sign an agreement promising to stop drinking from the medical waste container (I signed somebody else's name)
• One of the doctors there developed a futuristic ray gun that could make anything he shot have an abortion, even trees, cars, or barns
• The receptionist threw nail polish at an elderly man
• The doctor's assistant invented this thing she called "the silly slide" and it was a really fun little water slide that connected a woman's vagina to a paper shredder so a newborn baby could briefly "enjoy the high life"
• The oldest child we aborted was in his late 70s, we didn't even know he was a baby until his wife brought in photos
• The doctors put all sorts of crap up a woman's uterus including a clown nose, bicycle handlebars, a calendar, and an entire Sears retail outlet (before bankruptcy)
• During every successful abortion, the doctor would shout "take that, baby" and he'd push a red button that made sirens go off and confetti fell from the ceiling and we'd all get Del Taco for free
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NOW WE MUTINY!
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~~~~~~~[]=¤ԅ[✖Ĺ̯ಠ]╯ AND NOW WE MUTINY! ~~~~~~~[]=¤ԅ[✖Ĺ̯ಠ]/
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Reynad
୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ riot ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨
I see someone lost I spam C9
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I'm in bronze everything is fine I see someone lose I spam C9
I'm in bronze everything is fine I see someone lose I spam C9
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Overwatch
An exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke
Greetings. My name is Beef, and today I would like to present an exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke. I will now begin.
Your biological mother is so morbidly obese, when she went to go get her yearly physical done, the doctor took her blood and the results concluded that she had a high blood pressure, onset type 2 diabetes, hypertension and the possibility of heart disease. She also suffers from severe depression, because she lacks confidence in her physical appearance, which enables her to consume even more food, making her more obese. Not to mention, but your mother is becoming so monstrous, she had a hard time fitting through small spaces and exceeding weight limits on practical applications. Your mother has an endless cycle of malicious eating habits that only make her health worsen over time.
I hope whoever has just read this enjoyed the humorous "your mother" joke. Thank you for your time, and have a blessed day.