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YOU ARE NOW BREATHING AND BLINKING MANUALLY
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I used to be a real ad
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Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)
I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
Classic
WallStreetBets
Among Us in Real Life Full Lyrics
Among Us in real life (sus, sus)
Among Us in real life (sus, sus)
Playing Among Us in real life, spaceship with my crew
Gonna split up, spread out 'cause we all got tasks to do
Gotta find the imposter as they try to sabotage
Who can we trust in this Among Us entourage?
Heard a sound, turned around, looking up, looking down
Then I find a dead body
Gotta blow the horn, emergency discussion, who should we believe?
Can't decide, so, now we leave, not sure what I'm about to see
Will it be a dead body? Still have a task I must complete
Who's the impostеr?
Looking sus, who can we trust?
Who's the imposter?
Looking sus, who can wе trust?
Who's the imposter?
Looking sus, who can we trust?
Who's the imposter?
Looking sus, who can we trust?
I'm a ghost, I'm my biggest fear, got killed by the imposter
I was playing in the game, but now I'm just a watcher
I'm paying attention using my 360 vision
If it gets quiet, I listen
Make sure there's nothing I'm missing
Who's the imposter?
Looking sus, who can we trust?
Who's the imposter?
Looking sus, who can we trust?
Who's the imposter?
Looking sus, who can we trust?
Who's the imposter?
Looking sus, who can we trust?
It wasn't me (or me)
It definitely wasn't me
No one can be trusted because someone is lying
We still have tasks to do, so, let's split up so we can win
Everyone is sus so let this last round begin
There's an imposter among us
Trying to take something from us
We're still over here working
While she's just ghosting above us
Someone's under suspicion
Sabotaging our mission
Doing my task in the kitchen
Until I stop, look, and listen
Who's the imposter?
Looking sus, who can we trust?
Who's the imposter?
Looking sus, who can we trust?
Who's the imposter?
Looking sus, who can we trust?
Who's the imposter?
Looking sus, who can we trust?
I'm the I-M-P-O-S-T-E-R, that's me
While everyone's doing tasks, I'm going through vents on a killing spree
Yeah, I'm sus in Among Us
We can discuss whoever took your life
But if you think you're running this game, oh-yeah
That's me holding this knife
I'm the imposter
Looking sus, who can we trust?
I'm the imposter
Looking sus, who can we trust?
I'm the imposter
Looking sus, who can we trust?
I'm the imposter
Among Us / Amogus
To be clear, in Project A, shooting matters
To be clear, in Project A, shooting matters. You don’t kill with abilities. Abilities create tactical opportunities to take the right shot. Characters have abilities that augment their gunplay, instead of fighting directly with their abilities.
Valorant
Comedy God has entered the building: Attack Helicopter
I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter
WEE WOO WEE WOO
ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER!
steps on stage
Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!"
Comedy God: "Heh..."
adjusts fedora
the building is filled with fear and anticipation
God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense
comedy god clears throat
everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard
world leaders look and wait with dread
everything in the world stops
nothing is happening
comedy god smirks
no one is prepared for what is going to happen
comedy god musters all of this power
he bellows out to the world
"ATTACK"
absolute suspense
everyone is filled with overwhelming dread
"HELICOPTER"
all at once, absolute pandemonium commences
all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once
giant brawls start
43 wars are declared simultaneously
a shockwave travels around the earth
earth is driven into chaos
humanity is regressed back to the stone age
the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself
all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did
people who aren't killed die from laughter
literally the funniest joke in the world
then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
Classic
Go mods, keep up the good work!
twitchquotes:
The mods are doing a good job of stopping the copying and pasting trolls. It's a shame that people ruin an entire chat with their immature behavior. Go mods, keep up the good work!
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