[Copypasta] Red futures :(

Bought a bunch of calls thinking I was going to be able to afford an escort to shit on my chest, now it's these red futures that are shitting on my chest.
February 2021

WallStreetBets

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbetsOGs/comments/lp6i1r/what_are_your_moves_tomorrow_february_22_2021/gob8p5c/
What happened to this ad? :(
More WallStreetBets Copypastas

Iā€™m a simple guy

Iā€™m a simple guy. I donā€™t know about all these fancy ā€œfinancial instrumentsā€ or ā€œmarket dynamicsā€ or ā€œwhere the clit is.ā€ I like the stock, I buy the stock.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Bears after a green day

Itā€™s 4:01pm. Bears solemnly log out of their devastated brokerage account, get up from their makeshift desk made up of a stack of empty Michelinaā€™s frozen lasagna dinners, head up the stairs of their fatherā€™s basement, grab the keys to their tan ā€˜97 Chevy Cavalier and a cloth mask embroidered with the word ā€œVOTE,ā€ and drive down the street to the local gay bar for a holiday themed burlesque show.
December 2021

WallStreetBets

No name calling

I just had a conversation w a šŸ‚ that didnt resort to name calling... We just spoke our peace and wished ourselves good luck and now i dint know what to do with myself. I think im going to go back and call him a bitch.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Jim Cramer responds to GameStop apes on Twitter

But you know what? I miss the good people whom i used to interact before these pathetic parodies of human minds ascended from the gates of hell. Well, now that i know they are going broke and just care about Gamestop and pump and dump schemes I will end their tyranny. NOW
September 2021

WallStreetBets

So Iā€™m an AMC shareholder

So Iā€™m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I canā€™t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now Iā€™m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
January 2021

WallStreetBets

More WallStreetBets Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing