[Copypasta] I sexually Identify as an LGM-30 Minuteman III

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as an LGM-30 Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missile. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of delivering a W78 nuclear warhead with an explosive yield of 3x500 kilotons of TNT anywhere on the planet at Mach 23. People say to me that a person being a Minuteman III is impossible and I’m incredibly destructive but I don’t care. I’m having Air Force Global Strike Command install new three-stage solid-fuel rocket engines and give me an $86 billion upgrade on my 59 foot body. From now on I want you guys to call me "ICBM" and respect my right to be in service until at least the 2030s. If you can’t accept me you’re missileophobe and need to check your local AFB for missile silos. Thank you, and I'll see you in WW3.
twitch chat
May 2017

I sexually Identify as

What happened to this ad? :(
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I sexually Identify as an Elon Musk

I sexually Identify as an Elon Musk. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of implanting wires in monkey brains and being the supreme leader of Mars. People say to me that a person being a multi-billionaire CEO is impossible and I’m a fucking Twittard but I don’t care, I’m the richest man on Earth. I’m having a plastic surgeon install a Tesla HUD, StarLink terminal and a crypto mining rig on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Technoking of Tesla” and respect my right to manipulate dogecoin prices. If you can’t accept me you’re a muskophobe and need to check your unionized worker privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
April 2022

I sexually Identify as

I sexually Identify as a Genji

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as a Genji. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of dashing through the battlefield swift striking the disgusting enemy team. People say being Genji is Impossible but I don’t care, I can solo carry. I’m having a plastic surgeon install cyborg parts,a shuriken dispenser and a dragonblade on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Genji Shimada Senpai" and respect my right to ignore objectives and play team deathmatch. Ryūjin no ken wo kurae!
twitch chat
January 2017

Overwatch

I sexually Identify as

I sexually identify as Microsoft Windows 10

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as Microsoft Windows 10. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over PCs dropping hotfixes on braindead users. People say to me that a person being Windows 10 is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install Cortana, Windows App Store and a keylogger on my system. From now on I want you guys to call me “Windows Update 10.0.10586” and respect my right to update from above and update needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a windowphobe and need to check your OS privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
May 2016

I sexually Identify as

Identify as an FIM-92 Stinger anti-aircraft missile

twitchquotes: I sexually identify as an FIM-92 Stinger anti-aircraft missile. My sole erotic fantasy is to explode inside an attack helicopter with such force that their physical vessel is utterly consumed by the intensity of my fiery passion.
twitch chat
March 2015

I sexually Identify as

I sexually Identify as a Lamborghini

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as a ＬＡＭＢＯＲＧＨＩＮＩ. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of ＤＲＩＶing ＵＰ ＨＥＲＥ ＩＮ ＴＨＥ ＨＯＬＬＹＷＯＯＤ ＨＩＬＬＳ. People say to me that a person being a ＬＡＭＢＯＲＧＨＩＮＩ is Impossible and I’m ＭＡＴＥＲＩＡＬＩＳＴＩＣ but I don’t care, I’m this ＮＥＷ ＬＡＭＢＯＲＧＨＩＮＩ ＨＥＲＥ. I’m having a plastic surgeon install , 7 ＮＥＷ bookshelves and ２０００ ｎｅｗ ｂｏｏｋｓ on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “ＮＥＷ ＬＡＭＢＯＲＧＨＩＮＩ ＨＥＲＥ” and respect my right to ＤＲＩＶＥ ＵＰ ＨＥＲＥ ＩＮ ＴＨＥ ＨＯＬＬＹＷＯＯＤ ＨＩＬＬＳ. If you can’t accept me you’re a ＬＡＭＢＯphobe and need to check your ＧＮＡＷＬＩＤＧＥ. Thank you, and I'll see you on my website.
twitch chat
October 2016

I sexually Identify as

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