[Copypasta] HOTLINE MING

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink. "Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave. Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette. "Got a spare?" she asks. "What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles. "Conversation with me, duh." I laugh. "What's so funny?" she protests. "Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?" "You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter. "What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask. "Teaching, I think." "And if I was your student, what would I be learning?" "Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?" "Bermuda," I say. "Oh wow. That's lovely." "It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking." "What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires. "I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."

January 2021

Classic

MSFT Infinite Money Glitch 🚀🚀🚀

Disclaimer: I am not a financial or investment advisor. Before this subreddit was ruined by ten million people, solid DD used to get done. Do you ever find yourself reminiscing about the good ‘ol WSB days? Well, your prayers have been answered. Degenerates gather around, as I am bringing you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make some serious $MSFT tendies 🚀 Today, Bill Gates announced that after twenty-seven years of marriage, he will be divorcing. Do you know what this means? Bill is single and ready to mingle. Step 1: Use Wife’s Tinder Account Step 2: Match with Bill Gates Step 3: Wife goes on date with Bill, they fall in love, he proposes, no pre-nup Step 4: Wife marries Bill and becomes $MSFT royalty Step 5: Continue to date wife Step 6: Cash out 🚀🚀🚀 For those too retarded to read: https://preview.redd.it/tts3psz5q0x61.jpg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5f68092ae47d414627c6dee8a0c4afd6808bcc57 Congratulations. You are now your own wife’s boyfriend.

May 2021

WallStreetBets

Classic

Just taking my money for a walk

twitchquotes: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)╯╲___[̲̅$̲̅(̲̅5)̲̅$̲̅] Don't mind me subs, just taking my money for a walk

twitch chat

October 2018

Classic

plebs vs subs

I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin

I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin I don’t know why but I just enjoy doing this. Maybe it’s my way of dealing with stress or something but I just do it about once every week. Generally I’ll carry around a sack and creep around in a sort of crouch-walking position making goblin noises, then I’ll walk around my house and pick up various different “trinkets” and put them in my bag while saying stuff like “I’ll be having that” and laughing maniacally in my goblin voice (“trinkets” can include anything from shit I find on the ground to cutlery or other utensils). The other day I was talking with my neighbours and they mentioned hearing weird noises like what I wrote about and I was just internally screaming the entire conversation. I’m 99% sure they don’t know it’s me but god that 1% chance is seriously weighing on my mind.

July 2022

Classic

Confessions

Poop

░░░░░░░░░░░█▀▀░░█░░░░░░ ░░░░░░▄▀▀▀▀░░░░░█▄▄░░░░ ░░░░░░█░█░░░░░░░░░░▐░░░ ░░░░░░▐▐░░░░░░░░░▄░▐░░░ ░░░░░░█░░░░░░░░▄▀▀░▐░░░ ░░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░▐░▄▄▀░░░░ ░░▄▀░░░▐░░░░░█▄▀░▐░░░░░ ░░█░░░▐░░░░░░░░▄░█░░░░░ ░░░█▄░░▀▄░░░░▄▀▐░█░░░░░ ░░░█▐▀▀▀░▀▀▀▀░░▐░█░░░░░ ░░▐█▐▄░░▀░░░░░░▐░█▄▄░░ ░░░▀▀░▄TSM▄░░░▐▄▄▄▀░░░

ascii art

June 2016

Riot Games

[Copypasta] HOTLINE MING

Classic

Classic

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out

Classic

MSFT Infinite Money Glitch 🚀🚀🚀

WallStreetBets

Classic

Just taking my money for a walk

Classic

plebs vs subs

I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin

Classic

Confessions

Poop

Classic

League of Legends

Confirm Subscription