[Copypasta] Do you guys mind not spamming the chat so much?

twitchquotes: Do you guys mind not spamming the chat so much? I'm really trying to pay attention to the stream and you guys are distracting me. If you guys really cared about the quality of the stream or [insert streamer name] you would stop the spamming and copying and pasting. God, I swear you guys are the worst part of twitch. Couldn't you just try to be mature for once in your life? Everyday I come here and it's the same thing, a bunch of no life neckbeards ruining this quality content for everyone else..
twitch chat
December 2017

Classic

I hate Twitch Chat

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Trevor from ChatBotsForTwitch.com

twitchquotes: Hi [insert streamer name], this is Trevor from ChAtBotsForTwitch,com. We kindly request that if you're going to pay the extra to have our employees interact with your chat, you don't make fun of them. We know you have difficulty getting real viewers and it frustrates you, but please don't take it out on my employees. Thank you, Trevor.
twitch chat
March 2021

Classic

Malta vs Penguins

This does not change the fact that in Antarctica there are 21 million penguins and in Malta there are 502,653 inhabitants. So if the penguins decide to invade Malta, each Maltese will have to fight 42 penguins.
May 2021

Classic

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink. "Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave. Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette. "Got a spare?" she asks. "What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles. "Conversation with me, duh." I laugh. "What's so funny?" she protests. "Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?" "You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter. "What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask. "Teaching, I think." "And if I was your student, what would I be learning?" "Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?" "Bermuda," I say. "Oh wow. That's lovely." "It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking." "What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires. "I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
January 2021

Classic

Shrek is love. Shrek is life

I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
February 2021

Shrek

Classic

THE WRONG DONGERHOOD

twitchquotes: ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ YOU CAME TO THE WRONG DONGERHOOD ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽
twitch chat
March 2016

Classic

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