I used to be a real ad
More Classic Copypastas
Rank one is the other way
twitchquotes:
um... e-excuse me mr. imaqtpie... r-rank one is the other way 
um... e-excuse me mr. imaqtpie... r-rank one is the other way
twitch chat
imaqtpie
Classic
League of Legends
UwU sentence deterioration
twitchquotes:
Imagine reading a post, but over the course of it the quality seems to deteriorate and it gets wose an wose, where the swenetence stwucture and gwammer rewerts to a pwoint of uttew non swence, an u jus dont wanna wead it anymwore (oΒ΄Οο½o) awd twa wol owdewl iws jus awfwul (Β΄ο½₯Οο½₯`)
twitch chat
Weebs
Classic
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Bermuda," I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
Classic
Japan heart surgeon and yakuza boss
In Japan π―π΅ , heart surgeon β€οΈπ¨ββοΈ . Number one πβοΈ . Steady handπ³βοΈ. One day, Yakuza boss ππ»need π heartπ. I do operationπͺβοΈ. But, mistakeπ±! Yakuza boss dieπ΅πͺ! Yakuza very madπΏ. I hideπ in fishing boatππ£π»ββοΈ, come to AmericaπππΊπΈ. No englishπ€, no foodπ©, no moneyππ«π². Darryl π¨πΏgive me jobππ¨π»βπΌ. Now I have houseπ‘, American car π , and new woman ππ±π»ββοΈ. Darryl π¨πΏsave lifeβ. My big secretπ: I kill β οΈyakuza boss on purposeπ. I good πsurgeon. The bestππ―!
Emoji Pasta
Classic
Le Toucan has arrived
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
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ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
βββββleβββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββtoucanββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββhasββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
βββββarrivedββββββββββββββββββββββ