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I regret to inform you, there is no cock left

twitchquotes: πŸ“œ ✍️ 𝐼 𝓇𝑒𝑔𝓇𝑒𝓉 π“‰π‘œ π’Ύπ“ƒπ’»π‘œπ“‡π“‚ π“Žπ‘œπ“Š, 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 π’Ύπ“ˆ π“ƒπ‘œ π’Έπ‘œπ’Έπ“€ 𝓁𝑒𝒻𝓉.
twitch chat
February 2021

I'm not gay but I want to live with Kanye West

I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with Kanye. We won't ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen window watching him tighten his ass as he chops wood, shirtless, sweat pouring off his body. I'll run upstairs and masturbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Kanye. I won't be able to climax and I'll eventually go back downstairs, angry. Sometimes we will look across the table and catch each other's eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury him outside the log cabin. Then they'll go inside, pen a brief missive to their departed friend, and commit suicide, never able to deal with life without their one true platonic love.
August 2021

Kanye West

What happened to this ad? :(

imaqtpie think he is popular

twitchquotes: imaqtpie think he is popular but the truth is i am watching his stream with all my 20k accounts for proof i will copy and paste this on all my accounts
twitch chat
August 2017
imaqtpie

Trolling my whole class with Among Us Part 1

So today in school, my English teacher was having us do presentation in front of our class. For my presentation, I decided to troll my entire class by making my entire slideshow about the popular game, Among Us. I started off the presentation by showing the class the picture of the Among Us imposter wearing sneakers (it's a meme on google if you want to search for it). For some reason, no one laughed at the meme. My teacher told me "this isn't what your presentation is supposed to be about." I responded by yelling "THE TEACHER IS SUS I SAW HER VENT" and then naruto running around the room. Again, no one even giggled. I assume it's because it was forst bell and everyone was tired. My teacher said "Please sit down." But I wasn't about to give up. I made a last ditch effort to make everyone laugh. I started to beatbox the Among Us theme song trap remix. I was beatboxing it so well (i had practiced it at home), i was certain that everyone would burst out in laughter. Unfortunately, not a single person laughed. Everyone was staring at me, so I said "You guys are all sussy, I'm gonna eject you". Long story short, I ended up getting a bad grade on my presentation and I got a detention. However, it was worth it because I totally got to troll my entire class.
March 2021

Trolling with Among Us

Among Us / Amogus

Sanity lost to Amogus

Ha...hahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's it! I surrender! My sanity can't take this anymore! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I feel like killing someone! I'm not even joking!! I'M FEELING REALLY SUSNO no no i'm NOT sus, Amogus isn't real...but why are there VENTS all over my house?!?!?! OH NO...the power just went out...a fuse was blown...oh God, oh fuck!!! I have to go to ELECTRICAL!!! My roommate looking kinda SUS right now! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Among Us is painted on my walls in blood...I've been humming the Among Drip theme song to myself for three months now...SUS!!! IMPOSTER! RED VENTED!!! HAHAHAHAHA! KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME
April 2021

Among Us / Amogus

I used to be a real ad

This is the shittiest reply ever

twitchquotes: This is the shittiest reply ever. Fortnite requires movement, editing, building, rotating, and hitting shots. There are not β€œpositions” in Fortnite. A kickers job is LITERALLY to kick. Horrible analogy, kind of embarrassing.
twitch chat
December 2019

Fortnite

Roe v. Wade Emoji Pasta

HEY πŸ‘‹πŸ˜© there comrade πŸ’¦πŸ’ͺcummy! the πŸ‘Ή supreme πŸ† cockπŸ› has πŸ—³voted to strike πŸ‘©β€βš–οΈβŒ›οΈdown the 🌈 sexy 🀧🀰🏻roe v. wade decision 😏according 🀀🦢🏻to a opinion πŸ–ŠwrittenβœοΈπŸ’Έ by daddy πŸ’…πŸ»πŸ™ˆ sammy πŸ‘ΆπŸ»πŸ™…πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ aLITo. πŸ·πŸ’¨ the opinion is a πŸ’¦πŸŒ FULL THROATED πŸ“²β€οΈβ€πŸ”₯GIRTHY πŸ† contraDICKtion πŸš«πŸ‘ of the 1973 πŸ‘ΏπŸ‘Ždecision that πŸ’πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ‘Œ guaranteed federal 😀 cocks-titutuinal 😳 protection πŸ‘…πŸ’„of abortion rights!!! ❀️‍πŸ”₯🫑everyone who πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆπŸ’¦ woke remember πŸ™‹βœŠπŸ»πŸ€” to fund πŸ’ΈπŸ₯΅ planned parenthood and πŸŒͺπŸ‘Ό donate to πŸ§‘πŸΌβ€πŸΌπŸ€‘abortion funds! get yo πŸ“Έuturuses πŸ’‹πŸ‘ turnt you πŸ’ƒwhore! 🌭every whore knows 🧠🍼that everyone πŸ”œshould have πŸ‘©β€βš•οΈπŸ₯access to safe πŸ™ 🌎abortions ❀️😘 if they choose πŸ’…πŸ»πŸ‘€ to have one. πŸ‘‘πŸ‘Ήsend to ten πŸ˜¬πŸ™of your closest πŸš±πŸ…ΎοΈWHORES to secure abortion πŸ“«πŸ€rights in ameriCUM πŸ€€πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έif you get five βœ‹ back abortion πŸ˜˜πŸ’‹rights will be codified πŸ‘©β€βš–οΈπŸ€€in law πŸ“ΈπŸ‘ 
May 2022

Emoji Pasta

Politics

TSM, aka "Tiananmen Square Massacre"

twitchquotes: TSM, aka "Tiananmen Square Massacre", is a myth propogated by Western governments to destabilize China. The hoax supposedly involved military suppression of democracy protesters using troops and tanks in June of 1989.
twitch chat
November 2019

LCS PODCAST STARTS NOW ResidentSleeper

twitchquotes: LCS PODCAST STARTS NOW ResidentSleeper 40 MINS BETWEEN GAMES ResidentSleeper SUCH A SHAME WHEN GAMES INTERRUPT TALKING ResidentSleeper FAKE NARRATIVES ResidentSleeper FORCED HYPE ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
September 2020
LCS

League of Legends

What ever happened to innovative and original copy pastas?

twitchquotes: Wow guys, enabling bttv gif emotes was by far the worst decision of my life. Is spamming chat with these annoying gachiBASS emotes really the only thing that kids these days do? Am I just out of touch, or is this what chat has devolved to these days? What ever happened to innovative and original copy pastas?
twitch chat
January 2018
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

hey xqc are you lying about my mom?

twitchquotes: hey xqc are you lying about fucking my mom? if so my dad will beat you up, hes a retired navy seal. I have never seen you in my house which is quite odd, but if i saw you i would beat you up on god.
twitch chat
June 2020
xQcOW

Having a son might be more cucked than a daughter

Atleast by having a daughter you can guarantee your bloodline. Plus its a fact that daughters are more biologically inclined to love and respect their fathers. Those whores you see on the internet all suffer from daddy issues aka absent father. A daughter with a present father usually turns out ok. I say its more cucked because biologically mothers are closest to their sons. Now imagine this. You and your wife are older and she thinks you can't satisfy her anymore, then she views pretty much a younger healthier version of you in their son. Now imagine being cucked by your own son, that shit has to be insanely brutal. Atleast wiith your daughter you can get some action, but with your son you cant plus you risk being cucked. Daughters in their younger years always prefer being around their dads. Which is why i say daughter>son. Plus daughters are usually more agreeable with their fathers unlike sons who want to bash heads to show who is the alpha in the household.
June 2021

NSFW

America as a nation can be defined as a single word

"America as a nation can be defined as a single word: Iwasinthefootasdkjhasjckabcxdqiweywqfootuidhaksb... excuse me, I was in the foothills of the Himalayas with Xi Jinping, traveling with him, traveled 17,000 miles when I was Vice President. I don't know that for a fact." - Joe Biden
April 2022

Joe Biden

FEELS TEST

twitchquotes: FEELS TEST FeelsBadMan IF YOU TOUCH THE FEELS, YOU'RE DEPRESSED ⎝ FeelsBadMan
twitch chat
August 2017

Chat Test

Kripp reluctantly crawls into bed

twitchquotes: Kripp reluctantly crawls into bed where a breathless Hafu is waiting. She takes hold of his hand and whispers, "It's ok, I broke up with Jake." He squeezes her hand, let's go, squeezes again, "You're the best female arena player...," Kripp says dejectedly, "But I made a vow to Rania to never love another woman." Hafu runs her hands lovingly down his cheek, "You're not cheating," she whispers, "I'm really Amaz."
twitch chat
September 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

I used to be a real ad

I hate Stuart Little

twitchquotes: I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you're thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no, Stuart Little is a piece of shit. A god damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he's supposed to be a hero? And I can't even tell you how many damn times I've seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid little fucking convertible.
twitch chat
May 2019

FACEBOOK OUTDAITED

twitchquotes: Jebaited FACEBOOK OUTDATED Jebaited PRIVACY OVERRATED Jebaited LONG HAVE WE AWAITED Jebaited NSA ACTIVATED Jebaited
twitch chat
June 2018

NA, AKA. "No Americans" is a Riot Games' Minor League

NA, AKA. "No Americans" is a Riot Games' Minor League that is often associated with very low domestic player participation (2/5). Is also ridiculed for being washed-up and it is specifically known for its obnoxious fanbase and mind-numbing throws.
October 2021

EU vs NA

find yourself a man that respects you

twitchquotes: Poor [female streamer name here], she always has to deal with these idiots. if I was her boyfriend she would get treated like the queen she is. I would never embarass her especially not in front of other people. This is disgusting. [female streamer name here] if you are reading this just get away from these morons and find yourself a man that respects you.
twitch chat
October 2020

Simps

Waiting for adblock to be disabled

NFT Navy Seal Copypasta

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little pirate? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class at Full Sail University, and I've been involved in numerous secret Photoshop files, and I have over 300 confirmed NFTs. I am trained in gorilla artwork and I'm the top artist in the entire US armed artists. You are nothing to me but just another pirate. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of discord servers across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can turn you into an NFT in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed brushstrokes, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States NFT Corps and I will use it to its full extent to stomp your miserable ass directly into the blockchain, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit paint all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
December 2021

NFTs

Cryptocurrency

Navy Seal

Text-to-Speech Playing