About 5 years ago I was making a character on an RPG and my ex girlfriend was sitting next to me talking to me and asking me questions about my game. I had a dwarf and dreamed up the name Murk Durgle. My ex hated that name and said it felt gross, like the word moist.
I shrugged it off. We went about our day and after putting the kids to bed we started having sex. She tells me she's about to come and I bellow out "MUUUURRRKKKK DUUUURGLE" and she punches me in the chest and yelled at me "what the fuck dude?! You fucking murk durgled me?! Give me my vibrator and get the fuck out"
Then I sat out in the kitchen laughing for a few minutes
I used to be a real ad
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Monkey D. Luffy
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Chibi LeBlanc
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⣿⣿⣿⢾⣟⣯⣿⢯⣿⢯⣿⢯⡿⠯⠛⠋⠉⠠⠄⠠⠈⢀⠠⢹⣟⣿⡽⣟⢿⢾⢿⡿⣿⢿⣿⢿⣿⢿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣟⣿⣽⢿⡾⣟⣯⡿⠫⠉⡀⠂⠐⠈⡀⠂⡈⠠⠈⢀⠄⡈⢿⡷⡯⡺⡪⡽⣕⢟⢮⢯⡺⣕⢯⡳⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣟⣷⢿⣽⣯⣿⡇⢁⠄⡁⠐⠄⠄⠠⠐⠄⠂⢁⠈⡀⠂⠠⠄⠹⣗⡝⣎⢯⡳⣝⢮⡳⣝⣞⢵⢯⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⡽⣟⣾⣯⢿⡾⣟⣷⠄⡁⢈⠄⢡⢰⡰⣢⣳⠄⡯⡃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⣠⢤⣖⢾⡹⣝⢞⢮⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣷⢿⣟⣷⡟⠟⠋⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢗⣗⢽⣕⢗⠄⡼⢝⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⢯⡳⣕⢯⡺⣕⢯⡳⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣟⡿⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⣁⣓⢽⢵⣳⠏⣕⣒⠒⡆⠄⠄⡁⠄⠐⠄⢸⢮⡳⣝⣞⢽⢕⡯⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣯⣿⣽⢷⣾⡃⢀⡄⠉⠙⠋⠄⢄⣻⣿⡗⢰⣾⣿⣷⠄⡁⠄⣿⡯⣪⡫⣺⢕⡯⣺⢝⡵⣫⢯⢮⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣯⡿⣾⢯⣿⣻⢷⣯⡿⣯⡿⠁⡈⠙⡿⠘⠿⠟⢛⣁⡠⠘⢿⣆⠄⠘⠵⣕⢯⡳⡽⡺⣕⡟⡮⡮⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣯⣿⣻⣯⣷⢿⣻⡷⣿⢯⡟⠄⢪⣴⣄⠠⣠⣾⡿⣟⣇⢠⠘⢿⣀⣡⣬⡺⣕⢯⡫⡯⡺⡮⡯⣺⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⣻⣽⡾⣯⣿⣽⡾⣯⡟⠄⠿⣾⢿⣟⡎⠂⠉⣶⢿⣻⡽⠋⡀⠄⢞⣜⢮⣳⡫⣞⣝⢮⢯⡺⡵⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣯⣿⣷⣿⣿⣾⣷⣿⣿⠇⠄⠠⠄⡙⠙⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⠋⠄⠄⠠⠄⠈⢮⣺⡪⣞⡵⡳⡽⡵⣝⣞⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⠐⡀⠐⢨⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣦⣌⠄⢂⠄⠄⠄⠳⣝⢞⢮⢯⡳⣝⢮⢮⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠄⠄⠂⠠⠈⣿⣇⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣮⡀⠄⠡⣀⠄⠘⠹⡵⣳⢝⡮⡯⡺⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⣀⣿⣿⣆⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠂⣯⡫⣖⣖⢮⣳⣝⢮⣏⢯⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣶⣶⣶⡲⣖⡎⠄⣼⣻⡻⣻⣪⡻⡯⣟⢯⣟⢯⢯⠰⡱⣝⣞⣮⣟⣞⣞⣵⣳⣝⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣾⣵⣥⣜⣷⣕⣯⣳⣳⣽⣝⣞⣗⣽⣽⣝⣵⣯⣳⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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Gotta love making jokes with my friends bro
I was driving with a friend
I grab his leg instead of the gearstick
We both laugh and I unzip his pants
I park the car while fondling with his balls, my friend is laughing because he knows it's a joke and we're just friends
I start sucking his dick and was about to choke on it because I'm laughing so hard
My friend is also laughing his ass off, he starts making train noise while yelling "BROJOB BROJOB CHOO CHOO"
He then cums and then I swallow it all and kiss him while both laughing cuz we know it's a joke.
Gotta love making jokes with my friends bro.
Why won't my sister french kiss me?
Why won't my sister french kiss me?
I have a date this weekend and I have never kissed a girl. Anyways I asked my sister nicely if shed let me practice french kissing with her. She slapped me and locked herself in her room. I screamed that she was the only girl I could practice with and she was being selfish. She got scared and called the cops. Plus she told her boyfriend and he wants to kick my ass. WTF is wrong with my sister. I hate her so much