About 5 years ago I was making a character on an RPG and my ex girlfriend was sitting next to me talking to me and asking me questions about my game. I had a dwarf and dreamed up the name Murk Durgle. My ex hated that name and said it felt gross, like the word moist.
I shrugged it off. We went about our day and after putting the kids to bed we started having sex. She tells me she's about to come and I bellow out "MUUUURRRKKKK DUUUURGLE" and she punches me in the chest and yelled at me "what the fuck dude?! You fucking murk durgled me?! Give me my vibrator and get the fuck out"
Then I sat out in the kitchen laughing for a few minutes
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Among Us is ruining my fucking life
I can't fucking take it any more. Among Us has singlehandedly ruined my life. The other day my teacher was teaching us Greek Mythology and he mentioned a pegasus and I immediately thought 'Pegasus? more like Mega Sus!!!!' and I've never wanted to kms more. I can't look at a vent without breaking down and fucking crying. I can't eat pasta without thinking 'IMPASTA??? THATS PRETTY SUS!!!!' Skit 4 by Kanye West. The lyrics ruined me. A Mongoose, or the 25th island of greece. The scientific name for pig. I can't fucking take it anymore.
Please fucking end my suffering.
Among Us / Amogus
Classic
When RICK talk, my hand automatically go to my ears
twitchquotes:
Ｗｈｅｎ Ｒ I C K Ｔaｌｋ， Ｍｙ Ｈａｎｄ Ａｕｔｏｍａｔｉｃａｌｌｙ Ｇｏ Ｔｏ Ｍｙ Ｅａｒｓ． Ｉ Ｈｅａｒ Ｉｇｎｏｒａｎｃｅ Ｉｎ Ｅｖｅｒｙ Ｓｅｎｔｅｎｃｅ Ａｎｄ Ｆｅｅｌ Ｌｉｋｅ Ｉ＇ｍ Ｈａｖｉｎｇ Ａｎ Ａｎｅｕｒｙｓｍ． Ａｌｌ Ｂｅｃｏｍｉｎｇ Ｓｈｕｔ Ｔｈｅ Ｆｕｃｋ Ｕｐ
twitch chat
Kripp
Repeating yourselves like parrots
twitchquotes:
Wow, you imbeciles are especially stupid tonight. Repeating yourselves like parrots, spouting puerile taunts at each other, using crude 'emoticons'... Can you even form SENTENCES? One day you'll all be too dumb to even type your 'dongers,' and then twitch chat can finally have some merit. Until then, I'll stick to the moderated streams..
twitch chat
Kripp
I hate Twitch Chat
Muscular lenny
Just as the founding fathers intended
I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.