[Copypasta] Response to someone correcting spelling

whats that? holy shit. holy fucking shit. you fucking genius. did you actually just correct someone's spelling? you fucking madlad. i can't believe i just witnessed one of the greatest achievements in human history right now. i think im gonna cry, im so excited. to be honest, i would suck your dick to reward you for your HUGE contribution to the human race if the line wasnt so long. you know what? fuck it. ill let you fuck my wife. ill pay you to fuck her. only for the slim chance that one of her kids will have a small part of your magnificent iq. ill mortgage my fucking house just so you could have 15 minutes with her, while hoping that your MASSIVE cock won't rip her in half. after that, we should start a religion for you. fuck jesus, the only thing this dick did is resurrect himself. you are entitled to the praise he's getting. we should make you immortal. losing you would mean stopping the human evolution and we would all revert to monkeys, not that we are more than monkeys in your majestic presence. I suggest we go to the UN and tell them to hand over all their authority to you, im sure you can unite all the people of the world just with a single swing of your cock, making the entire population wet in the process. just before that one more thing: can you shut the fuck up? nobody cares about that fucking typo you single chromosomed retarded gnome. I bet you think you are so fucking smart and witty after pointing something that didnt bother anyone. God, you are fucking pretentious, i bet you actually believed all of the text above. Did you think i would let you fuck my wife? She is only 12 you sick paedophile. Im calling the police so you could be tortured for eternity while your remains will be forcibly fed to everybody from your family or anyone even remotely related to you while they are forced to anally fuck a penguin. no, seriously do you think i'm joking? i'll come to your house and fuck your ass with a cactus. not that you would feel it after all the things you already had up there. you're a fucking twat that doesnt contribute to society and you deserve to die slowly.
October 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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ＦＡＫＥＲ ＲＩＧＨＴ ＩＮ ＴＨＥ ＰＵＳＳＹ

twitchquotes: ＦＡＫＥＲ ＲＩＧＨＴ ＩＮ ＴＨＥ ＰＵＳＳＹ
twitch chat
August 2014
ognglobal

Cattarrian's warning to Kripp

twitchquotes: Hᴇʏ Kʀɪᴘᴘ, Cᴀᴛᴛᴀʀʀɪᴀɴ ʜᴇʀᴇ. I ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴍʏ ᴄᴏɴsᴛᴀɴᴛ Mᴇᴏᴡᴇʀɪɴᴏ ɪs ᴀɴɴᴏʏɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴜᴛ I ᴀᴍ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴀʀɴ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Sᴜᴄᴄᴜʙᴜs. Yᴏᴜ sᴇᴇ, I ᴀᴍ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ʜᴇʀ ʟᴀsᴛ BF ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴀ Cᴀᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ ᴜsɪɴɢ Bʟᴀᴄᴋ Mᴀɢɪᴄ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏɴᴜᴛs. Iᴛ's ᴛᴏᴏ ʟᴀᴛᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ, ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ sᴛɪʟʟ sᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ. Rᴜɴ Kʀɪᴘᴘ ʀᴜɴ!!!
twitch chat
August 2014
Kripp

Squid

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ascii art
November 2014

jeSUS

So, last Sunday my parents made me go to church ,which made me really mad because my parents don't let me play Among Us in church. We took our seats and the priest was up front talking about "salvation" and "holiness" or whatever. Same thing as last week. But then, he said something that really caught me off guard. He spoke of a man who goes by the name of "Jesus." "Jesus." "JeSUS." No way. I could not believe what I was hearing. Endorphins were rushing to my brain and my body began to shiver as I let out a quiet moan. If you didn't catch on by now, the word "Jesus" has "SUS" in it, which is a reference to the popular video game "Among Us." "WHEN THE IMPOSTER IS SUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed louder than I ever have in my life. My words echoed throughout the room for five seconds before fading into complete silence. Everyone was staring at me as I had a huge grin on my face, perfectly replicating the face from the "when the imposter is sus" meme (Google it if you don't know what it is.) They all had this look on their faces as if I had just slaughtered 7,924 Afghanian children. "Why do you all have that look on your faces? Did someone do a Fortnite dance?" And there was still complete silence. I actually had to make sure I wasn't wearing my noise cancelling headphones that I always wear while playing Among Us. I could not believe that not one person in the room was dying of laughter!! "Young man, please be quiet" said the priest. He was literally the one who made the Among Us reference in the first place. What's his problem? "THAT'S NOT VERY WHOLESOME!!!!!!!!!!" This guy was definitely the imposter. There's no way he couldn't be. I Naruto ran faster than anyone has ever Naruto ran before. Even Naruto himself would be proud of me. As I was making my way up to the imposter, the security guard was chasing after me! I had to think fast. After being chased around the room for two minutes, I hastily undid my pants and peed in the security guard's eyes. As he was being blinded by my pee, he was stumbling around and bumped into the wall very hard. A crucifix fell off the wall and impaled his stupid, ugly fat head. He fell and a pool of blood soon formed around him. Everyone in the church was screaming and running out the door. I slammed my hand down on the crucifix, replicating the button you press in Among Us, which drove the crucifix further into his skull. "EMERGENCY MEETING!!!!!!!!!!!" No one laughed. They were too busy screaming to notice. Whatever. I stripped completely naked and went up to the priest. I replicated the Big Chungus pose with 100% accuracy. "You probably don't even use Reddit. That's not very keanu chungus wholesome 100 of you. Go subscribe to r/atheism." The priest had a look of shock on his face when I said that. The kind of face one would make if they caught their beloved child playing Fortnite. He held a cross in front of himself and started talking about "possession" and "demons." He obviously doesn't know how to play Among Us so naturally, I felt bad for him. But he was still the imposter. I grabbed him and threw him across the church, sending him crashing through the window and slammed against the street outside. A car ran over his head, causing his brain and skull fragments to splatter everywhere. Then, I heard sirens and a helicopter flying around above the church. I went upstairs to the roof to check out what was going on. "This is the police! Get down from the roof now or we will shoot!" This guy is so sus, let me tell ya. Obviously, I was not going to listen to an imposter so I was Naruto running around the roof. Bullets from the helicopter were raining down from above but none of them hit me since I was Naruto running so fast. "Dammit, I can't hit him!" I knew I had him beat then. So, I pulled out my gun (I always keep a glock in my foreskin so I can pull the Among Us death animation when I lose my virginity because I know it makes girls horny.) I shot at the helicopter and it started spinning out of control and crashed into the front of the church, causing a huge explosion. The roof started sliding off from the building, which landed on the cop cars and killed 8 cops. This also flung me into the street and I broke my foot, which was very sus. I limped all the way to the woods where I am now hiding and writing this. I will update as soon as I can but I need to get out of here soon because I can hear people looking for me.
September 2021

Among Us / Amogus

My parents used to watch cockfighting in the bedroom

My parents used to watch cockfighting in the bedroom when they thought we were asleep. I'd hear my mother excitedly talking about how much she enjoyed cocks as they jumped around on the bed. What surprised me though was, when we went to Spain she mentioned how cruel she thought bullfighting was. I never confronted her about the hypocrisy though.
October 2021
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