whats that? holy shit. holy fucking shit. you fucking genius. did you actually just correct someone's spelling? you fucking madlad. i can't believe i just witnessed one of the greatest achievements in human history right now. i think im gonna cry, im so excited. to be honest, i would suck your dick to reward you for your HUGE contribution to the human race if the line wasnt so long. you know what? fuck it. ill let you fuck my wife. ill pay you to fuck her. only for the slim chance that one of her kids will have a small part of your magnificent iq. ill mortgage my fucking house just so you could have 15 minutes with her, while hoping that your MASSIVE cock won't rip her in half. after that, we should start a religion for you. fuck jesus, the only thing this dick did is resurrect himself. you are entitled to the praise he's getting. we should make you immortal. losing you would mean stopping the human evolution and we would all revert to monkeys, not that we are more than monkeys in your majestic presence. I suggest we go to the UN and tell them to hand over all their authority to you, im sure you can unite all the people of the world just with a single swing of your cock, making the entire population wet in the process. just before that one more thing: can you shut the fuck up? nobody cares about that fucking typo you single chromosomed retarded gnome. I bet you think you are so fucking smart and witty after pointing something that didnt bother anyone. God, you are fucking pretentious, i bet you actually believed all of the text above. Did you think i would let you fuck my wife? She is only 12 you sick paedophile. Im calling the police so you could be tortured for eternity while your remains will be forcibly fed to everybody from your family or anyone even remotely related to you while they are forced to anally fuck a penguin. no, seriously do you think i'm joking? i'll come to your house and fuck your ass with a cactus. not that you would feel it after all the things you already had up there. you're a fucking twat that doesnt contribute to society and you deserve to die slowly.
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My eyelids are heavy
twitchquotes:
My eyelids are heavy 
Im starting to dream you know what this tells me? its a qtpie stream
Im starting to dream you know what this tells me? its a qtpie stream
twitch chat
imaqtpie
Seafood dinner over skype on a dial up internet connection
twitch chat
strifecro
You toss and turn as Elon gently rubs your shoulders
You toss and turn as Elon gently rubs your shoulders. "You seem a little tense" says Elon, as you look at your bank account. Your phone shows $107 left to your name. You think to yourself while Elon rubs you down, you pull open Robin Hood, type in TSLA. Leaps $900 JAN 2023' are only $1 you can afford 1 leap. This is finally your chance to get rich, you'll be able to actually buy a Tesla. You ask Elon what the next Tesla will be. He says "U, for 'you'" as he smiles sweetly. You picture him dancing on stage explaining U S3XY to everyone multiple times as you smile back at him.
All of a sudden Elon flips on the TV to CNBC to catch the tail end of Jim Cramer, you see a new law has been passed, "we believe options have inflated the markets into a bubble, we will be imposing a new rule next week only allowing accounts that qualify for day trades to also purchase options with a $25,000 barrier to entry."
You start weeping aloud, you feel a caring hand wipe your tear away, it's Elon again, "what's wrong my little X'โฯ3?"
Suddenly you wake, you're in a pool of sweat, at first you panic about the new options policy, then you're filled with relief realizing that options aren't restricted it was all a dream.
You realize this was actually a vision to earn 200,000% gains to buy a TSLA leap. You log into RH, it welcomes you with your $107 balance, you plug in TSLA yolo 2023 @ $900 and realize the options are actually $20 each. The best you can do is $900 TSLA weekly expiring around Christmas.
In a slight fit of despair you try to remember the feeling of Elon rubbing your cheek, and rub one out onto your stomach, then roll over back to sleep. A single tear rolls from your eye into your waifu pillow.
YOLO you whisper.
WallStreetBets
AITA for drop kicking my 2 month old sister down the stairs?
Some backstory required: Earlier today I was trying to relax but she wouldn't stop fucking making annoying ass googoo gaga noises. So today, I see her, and she is actually standing up! First I think to take a picture and tell my parents, but than I remember what an entitled bitch she is. I run forward, and leap forward and plant both my feet in her face as we both tumble down the stairs. I told my parents that she crawked in front of me whilst I was about to use the stairs so I'm out of trouble, and the surgery went fine and she is basically fine although she seems to have fucking learned her lesson as she 'talks' a lot less now. Next time she does this I'm uppercutting her entitled little baby skull
Am I The Asshole?
President's Day Emoji Pasta
ITS PRESIDENTS DAY SLUTS!! ๐จ๐จ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธtime to hop onto that founding father dick๐๐๐๐ด๐ป๐ด๐ป๐ด๐ป๐ด๐ปor should i say founding DADDIES!!!๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐๐๐
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๐ฆ๐ฆ out here tryna get rammed from behind ๐๐๐๐harder than the rock of MOUNT RUSHMOREโ๏ธโ๏ธโฐ๐๐george washington mightve been able to survive the harsh โ๏ธโ๏ธ๐ฌwinters๐ฌโ๏ธโ๏ธ of valley forge, but can he handle the conditions between the sheets๐ช๐โโโbe the monica Lewinsky ๐๐ปto my bill clinton๐โโ๏ธ baby and i wont deny i had ๐๐โ๏ธsexual relationsโ๏ธ๐๐ with you!!! crack the whip down harder on your bae than ronald Reagan did on welfare programs๐ธ๐ธ๐คท๐ผโโ๏ธ๐คท๐ผโโ๏ธ๐คท๐ผโโ๏ธโ๐ปsend this to FIVE of your baddest presidential PRINCESSES๐ธ๐ผ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ๐ธ๐ผwho will throw the nastiest neck๐๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฌ๐ฆ on this AMERICAN BEAUT OF A DAY๐๐๐๐จโค๏ธ if you get 10 back, be prepared for the president to enter the oval office of you PUSSY tonight๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ