[Copypasta] To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:

To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday: I’m sorry I kept referring to Fred’s liberally mayo’d oven-roasted chicken sub as a “bukkake special”. I’m sorry that you kept demanding that your teenage son explain why he was laughing so hard. I’m extra sorry that this turn of events led you to practically yelling “ETHAN, WHAT IS A BUKKAKE SPECIAL?” in the middle of a crowded restaurant.
August 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Buying calls on Gamestop

I can't believe that after fifteen years of trading, my best trade of all time is going to be buying calls on fucking Gamestop.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Top Lel

░░░░░░░░░░░░▄▀▀▌░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░▄▀█░░█▄▀░░░░░░░░ ░░░▄▄▀▐▌░▐▌░█░░░▄▄▀▀▌░░ ░▀▀█░░█▄▄▀░░▄▄▀▀▌▄█▌▌░░ ░░░█░░░░░▄▀▀▄▄▐▒▌███▐░░ ░░░▀░░░▐▀▄█▀▀▒▒▒▌███▐░░ ░░▄▀▀▌░▐▐██▌▒▄▐▒▌███▐▀▐ ▐▀▄█▌▌░▐▐█████▐▒▌███▄█▐ ▐▐██▌▌░▐▐███▀▒▒▒▌████▀▐ ▐▐██▌▌░▐▐███▒▄▐▒▌█▀▄▄▀▀ ▐▐██▌▌▀▐▐█████▐▒▄▄▀░░░░ ▐▐██▌▄█▐▐█▀▀▄▄▀▀░░░░░░░ ▐▐████▀▐▄▄▀▀░░░░░░░░░░░ ▐▐█▀▀▄▀▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ▐▄▄▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
November 2014

Absence of the "legendary" card back

twitchquotes: ( ರ Ĺ̯ ರೃ ) Hello Kripparian. Reginald and Dan Dinh, Owners of Team SoloMid™ here. We gained access to your Hearthstone account and couldn't help but notice the absence of the "legendary" card back. This poorly reflects on Team SoloMid, and, as such, we have decided to remove you from the team. Please return your jacket. Thank you ( ರ Ĺ̯ ರೃ )
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

The Ghost of Gaming Future

twitchquotes: The Ghost of Gaming Future shows Kripp a nice house in the Toronto suburbs. Inside, Kripp, Rania and their sons are happily gaming as a family. "This isn't so bad," says Kripp. "Look closer," speaks the Ghost. Kripp looks in horror to see his sons are using tablets and playing browser cash-shop games. "This is your future Casualarrian."
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Cinco de Mayo origin

Most people don’t know but back in 1912, Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of this delicious condiment, scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, which was to be the port for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest ever shipment on mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know the great ship did not make it to New York. This ship hit an iceberg and sank and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about the tantalising condiment, and were eagerly awaiting the delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. The anguish was so great that they declared a national day of warning which they sill observe to this day. The national day of mourning occurs every year on the 5th of May, you probably know it as Cinco de Mayo
May 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing