[Copypasta] To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:

To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday: I’m sorry I kept referring to Fred’s liberally mayo’d oven-roasted chicken sub as a “bukkake special”. I’m sorry that you kept demanding that your teenage son explain why he was laughing so hard. I’m extra sorry that this turn of events led you to practically yelling “ETHAN, WHAT IS A BUKKAKE SPECIAL?” in the middle of a crowded restaurant.
August 2021
I used to be a real ad
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twitch chat
June 2016

The creation of Among Us and it's consequences have been a disaster for the human race

The creation of Among Us and it's consequences have been a disaster for the human race. Just a few months after youtubers and twitch streamers brought it to fame, it had been loaded with kids infested with the hype of the game among us. Furthermore, the constant use of Among us had rendered the game boring, as it entered the downfall stage of a game's popularity, just like Fall Guys. However, this is not something you should celebrate; since the constant use had also brought a new genre or era of memes, often referred to as post-irony. A bastardized version of Among Us called "Amogus" was used for the game in these meme's contexts, going viral in the Urban Dictionary. All the cultures of normie memes and pre-2020 memes have been wiped off as the "Amogus" meme exploded. Post irony has caused a greater disaster where everybody sees things as the crewmate in the mobile game Among Us. As memes began referring to everything as the crewmate, people have been driven to insanity. People who used to be normal looking at memes were now infected by the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, which renders everything as something they've seen constantly. "Amogus Everywhere" is the bastardized name of the Phenomenon. Capitalistic-driven people have been competing for a Amogus-crewmate chicken nugget, costing $100,000 at an auction. I hope life returns to normal as Among Us and Amogus have been wiped of the face of this Earth.
July 2021

Among Us / Amogus

I come to Twitch chat to discuss important geopolitical events like the Ukraine crisis

twitchquotes: You guys are ruining my chat experience. I come to the Twitch chat to discuss important geopolitical events like the ukraine crisis and it's implications on the socioeconomics of Eastern Europe. Yet here you are ruining everything with your frankerzs and kappas.
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp

HotPokket

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⠎⠄⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⡲⣄⢄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠤⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡿⣷⢦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⠆⣜⣵⣶⣦⡙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣦⡀⡂⡀⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣸⡟⣰⣛⢁⡤⠭⡛⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠾⣿⣿⣶⡔⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⢺⠿⣰⣿⣿⣶⣤⣄⣩⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣛⡛⠻⠷⣿⣿⣿⣗⢲ ⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⢸⣏⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠄⠸⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⠈ ⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⣼⠃⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣻⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⡆⣻⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⡿⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⡿⡇⣿⢹⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⡇⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣑⣿⣿⣯⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⢀⠃⠄⠋⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣻⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠠⡀⠈⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠟⠄⠄⠄⢠⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠨⠢⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠠⠚⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
December 2018

My Grandfather smoked his whole life

My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.
March 2021

Classic

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