To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:
I’m sorry I kept referring to Fred’s liberally mayo’d oven-roasted chicken sub as a “bukkake special”. I’m sorry that you kept demanding that your teenage son explain why he was laughing so hard. I’m extra sorry that this turn of events led you to practically yelling “ETHAN, WHAT IS A BUKKAKE SPECIAL?” in the middle of a crowded restaurant.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
KFC v2
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⢉⣉⣉⣉⣉⡛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⠻⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠉⣤⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⠀⠁⠀⠄⠀⠄⠀⠌⠉⠛
⣟⠉⠁⠀⠀⢀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠐⠀⠐⠀⠐⠀
⡟⠀⠀⠀⠒⠋⠉⠉⠈⠀⠉⠉⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠈⢀⠈⠀⠄
⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣴⠖⢁⣠⣶⣶⣶⣦⣴⣿⣿⣻⣾⣿⣾⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⡀⠂⠀
⠀⣀⣰⣾⡿⠁⢠⣻⣽⣿⣟⣿⣟⣿⣿⣽⣿⢿⣷⡿⣟⣿⣷⣷⠹⣿⡆⠀⠀⡀⠁
⠘⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⡾⣽⣿⣯⣿⣿⣻⣿⣽⣿⣽⣿⡿⣿⣿⢿⣻⣾⡀⠸⣯⠀⠀⠀⠄
⠀⣺⡿⠀⠀⢨⣟⣿⣽⣯⣿⣾⣿⣿⣽⣿⣽⣿⢿⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡆⠈⠀⠀⠂⠀
⠀⢺⡯⠀⠀⣼⢾⢻⠿⠻⠿⠽⣷⣿⣯⣿⠿⠚⠛⠙⠉⢈⣀⠠⠌⣀⠀⡀⠀⢀⠁
⠀⠈⠟⢀⣀⢈⣀⠄⢀⢤⠀⠀⠀⠉⣉⣌⠀⢀⠀⠊⢑⣒⠈⠀⣸⣿⡀⣿⡀⠀⡀
⠀⠀⢰⡆⠀⠈⠁⠂⣩⣤⣤⣤⡀⠀⣾⣿⣦⣼⣿⣾⣿⢿⡾⢀⣿⣟⣿⡯⠂⠀⡀
⠀⠀⠀⠑⠀⠀⠹⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⢀⣷⣿⣟⣿⡯⢿⢾⣿⣷⣾⣿⣻⣿⠃⠀⢀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⣤⡿⣿⡾⠂⠰⡅⠓⡿⣿⡻⠃⣄⠈⠚⣽⣾⡿⣟⠛⠀⠀⠄⠀
⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠁⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣀⣀⣴⣿⣿⣷⣤⡀⢸⣿⡇⠀⠀⠐⠈⣿
⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⡦⠀⠐⠟⠋⠉⠉⣁⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⡧⠀⠐⠀⢼⣿
⠀⠁⡀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣽⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣉⣥⣤⣦⣶⣿⣷⢐⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠒⠛⠛
⠀⠄⠀⠐⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⣮⣄⡦⠀⠀⣄⣻⣿⣿⣿⣻⣾⣿⣿⡛⠀⣄⠀⠈⠀⠂
⠀⠠⠈⠀⠂⠁⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠛⠅⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿⠷⠋⢀⣰⣿⡆⠠⣄⠀
⠀⠄⠂⠐⠀⠁⠀⠀⢀⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠎⠁⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⡇⢸⡾⡀
⠀⠠⠐⠀⠂⠁⠀⠀⠸⣾⣗⣦⣀⡀⠀⠀⠛⠿⣿⠏⠀⠤⠚⠛⣿⣿⣿⡃⣸⣿⠆
⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⠀⢿⣿⣿⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⢰⣿⣿⢧
⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠨⣿⢦⠈⢿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡄⠀⠀⢢⣀⠐⢶⣽⣿⠏⣾⣿⣿⣯
⣿⡳⠀⠀⠀⠀⠨⣿⣯⣷⡈⢻⣿⣿⡏⣴⡟⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣷⣦⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷
⣿⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⣷⣿⣦⣙⣿⣿⣻⠁⠀⣲⠀⠀⠹⠿⠟⠟⠛⠋⠋⢉⣉⡉
⡇⠀⠀⠄⠂⠀⠀⠻⠿⠟⠋⠋⠉⠉⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⡀⠄⢹⣿⠀⠌⣿⡇
⣷⣄⡀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⢀⠀⠄⠀⠄⠂⠐⠈⢀⠠⠀⢀⠠⢸⣿⡅⠀⢿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⡀⢀⠠⠀⠂⠁⠀⡀⠀⠄⠂⢀⠐⠀⠂⠀⡀⠄⢀⠀⠨⣿⣇⠀⢘⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣄⣐⠈⠀⡀⠄⠀⠂⢀⠠⠐⠀⠁⢀⠀⡀⠄⠂⣿⣷⡀⠄⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣷⣶⣤⣤⣥⣀⣄⣀⣂⣈⣀⣠⣠⣤⣤⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿
when the impostor is sus (v3)
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣤⣴⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⡀⠈⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠻⣿⡄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠁ 👁 ⠄⢹⣿⡗⠄ 👁 ⢄⡀⣾⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠘⠄⠄⠄⢀⡀⠄⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣧⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣰⣿⡿⠟⠃⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡛⠿⢿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠈⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⠿⢛⣿⣿⠿⠂⠄⢹⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡐⠐⠄⠄⣠⣀⣀⣚⣯⣵⣶⠆⣰⠄⠞⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠿⠿⠿⣻⡏⢠⣿⣎⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⣛⣿⣿⣵⣿⡿⢹⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⠿⠿⠋⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠹⡇⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠿⠿⠛⠋⠄⣸⣦⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
Among Us / Amogus
Look, kid. You wanna give up?
twitchquotes:
Look, 👀 kid. 👦 You 👈 wanna 🙈 give 
up? 🔺 Fine. 👌 But 🍑 you 👈 didn't 🚫 get 🔟 here 👏 by 😈 giving 😘 up. 🔺 You 👈 didn't 🚫 get 🔟 this 👈 far 🌌 by 😈 giving 😘 up. 🔺 You 👈 didn't 🚫 get 🔟 all 💯 these 👈 followers, fans, admirers, and 👏 hot 🔥 groupies by 😈 giving 😘 up. 🔺 Don't 🚫 give up. 🔺 You're the 👏 champ. You're the 👏 boshy.
up? 🔺 Fine. 👌 But 🍑 you 👈 didn't 🚫 get 🔟 here 👏 by 😈 giving 😘 up. 🔺 You 👈 didn't 🚫 get 🔟 this 👈 far 🌌 by 😈 giving 😘 up. 🔺 You 👈 didn't 🚫 get 🔟 all 💯 these 👈 followers, fans, admirers, and 👏 hot 🔥 groupies by 😈 giving 😘 up. 🔺 Don't 🚫 give up. 🔺 You're the 👏 champ. You're the 👏 boshy.
twitch chat
MOONMOON
Rudy Giuliani brings a plate of evidence
Holy shit. Rudy Giuliani came into the presser to bring me a plate of election fraud evidence and I literally screamed at him and hit the plate of evidence out of his hand. He started yelling "HEEEREEE'S KRAKEN!" at me and I cut the live feed on him. I’m so distressed right now I don’t know what to do. I didn’t mean to do that to Rudy but I’m literally in shock from the evidence tonight. I feel like I’m going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is he losing? This can’t be happening. I’m having a fucking breakdown. I don’t want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want to Build Back Better™. I want Biden to be president and fix this broken country. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well in Michigan???? This is so fucked.
2020 US Election
When I was 13, I came out to my parents as a Morbius male.
When i was 13, i came out to my parents as a morbius male. They couldnt accept my morbality, so they sent me off to camp. They just didnt understand— i was morbed that way. At the camp, they gave us electromorb therapy to morb us into beta males. I resisted the treatment, being a morbius male, you cant morb me out of being morbed. I fooled the counselors into thinking they had successfully morbed be into a beta male, and i returned home. To this day, i live a double life— one for my parents, who still cannot accept morbality, and one where its always morbin time.