[Copypasta] To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:

To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday: I’m sorry I kept referring to Fred’s liberally mayo’d oven-roasted chicken sub as a “bukkake special”. I’m sorry that you kept demanding that your teenage son explain why he was laughing so hard. I’m extra sorry that this turn of events led you to practically yelling “ETHAN, WHAT IS A BUKKAKE SPECIAL?” in the middle of a crowded restaurant.
August 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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They weren't sus

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠛⠛⡟⣿⣿⠛⡟⠛⠛⢛⡛⢿⡿⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⡇⣉⣉⠄⡇⢈⣉⣹⣷⡄⢡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣸⣿⣇⣿⣿⣀⣇⣈⣉⣉⣿⣇⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠛⣿⠟⢻⡿⢻⠛⣛⣛⣻⢛⣛⡛⢿⠛⣛⣛⣻⠛⢿⣿⢻⡛⣛⡛⢛⣛⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠙⢰⡈⠇⣾⠄⣉⣉⣿⢈⣉⠁⣼⠄⣉⣉⣿⠄⣄⠻⢸⣾⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣀⣾⣧⣰⣿⣀⣉⣉⣹⣸⣿⣦⣸⣀⣉⣉⣹⣠⣿⣦⣸⣿⣿⣇⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠉⠉⠉⣿⡿⠿⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⣻⣩⣉⠉⠉ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠄⠉⠉⠉⣋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⢷⡀⠄⠄ ⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⣾⣿⣷⣄⣀⣀⣀⣠⣄⣢⣤⣤⣾⣿⡀⠄ ⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣹⣿⣿⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⢁⣠ ⣿⣿⣄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⣉⣉⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣥⡀⠉⢁⡥⠈ ⣿⣿⣿⢹⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠒⠛⠛⠋⠉⠉⠛⢻⣿⣿⣷⢀⡭⣤⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⡼⣿⠷⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣠⣿⣟⢷⢾⣊⠄⠄ ⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣈⣉⣭⣽⡿⠟⢉⢴⣿⡇⣺⣿⣷ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠐⢊⣡⣴⣾⣥⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠟⠋⠉⠉⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⠉⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠉⣿⣿⠿⠋⠉⠉⠉⠙⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⡏⠄⢾⣿⣿⣿⡄⣀⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣆⣀⣿⣿ ⣿⣷⣄⡀⠉⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⣦⡀⠉⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⠻⣿⣿⣶⣶⡄⠄⢻⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⣿⡟⠛⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⠄⢹⣿ ⣿⣇⠄⠙⠻⠿⠟⠃⢀⣾⣿⣄⠈⠛⠿⠿⠛⠄⣰⣿⣧⡀⠙⠻⠿⠿⠋⠄⣼⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣤⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣤⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
March 2021

Among Us / Amogus

I hate British people

Lame ass British motherfucking broken teeth tea drinking small country weird accent monocle top hat wearer bitchass motherfuckers with their poor hygiene and dental care and a shitty bitchass old ass motherfucking queen that was alive during the fucking Boston tea party just to say “OH WHAT BLOODY WANKERS” towards the Americans who made the smart ass decision to throw their dumbass motherfucking tea into the fucking BOSTON HARBOR then say “see you” and get the fuck out and start a new nation and shit cause they couldn’t tolerate people who put the letter “u” into the word color and call cookies fucking BISCUTS, the British cant even see straight with their crossed-ass eyes and their messed up teeth and EVERYTIME they take a bite atleast 8 of their teeth on their crooked-ass jaws are shoved into their tongues and the top of their worthless ass bitchass motherfucking mouths and then, with a mouth full of blood, they’ll say “OH HOW FUCKING SCRUMPTIOUS” like shut the fuck up bitch no one wants to hear your accent that sounds worse than motherfucking nails on a chalkboard. Just. SHUT. THE FUCK. UP. Lameass wankers.
February 2021

British People

Jared, one final ff

twitchquotes: The year is 2027, Jared has just returned from his third tour in North Korea. Each time he fired his rifle he whispered the same word, "/ff". He looks down to the 9mm in his belt and dreams of seeing imaqtpie and Dom one last time, one final "/ff'
twitch chat
April 2016
Annie Bot

Boosted Animal Jared

League of Legends

Shit and cum at the same time (from /r/nofap)

Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, I’m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasn’t fapping I swear to god I just randomly….. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao
September 2021

Imaqtpie, where are you listening to this VILE music?!

twitchquotes: QT have you no shame? Listening to this VILE music full of cussing and vulgar language, N word this, N word that. I mean is this really what you want you viewers to be influenced by? I expected more from you Michael 'imaqtpie' Santana.
twitch chat
August 2014
imaqtpie
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