[Copypasta] I sexually identify as an Attack Helicopter

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm *** retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
November 2014

Classic

I sexually Identify as

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Think you can beat me?

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⠒⠂⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⡀⠄⣰⣶⣦⡈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄THINK ⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣖⣿⣷⣴⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄YOU ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⠛⠩⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄CAN ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣤⣾⣿⣿⡏⠉⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄BEAT ⠄⠄⢀⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠺⡇⠄⢵⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ME ⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠁⠄⣷⣀⠈⠙⠛⠑⠄⠄⠄⠄1,2,3? ⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⡇⠹⣿⣿⣿⡦⠄⠹⢿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⢰⣤⣀⣀⣠⣔⢰⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⡈⠄⠄⠄ ⢠⣿⣿⠟⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⢸⡆⠄⠐⠄⢸⣿⣌⠄⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⢸⣿⡿⢿⡤⠄⠈⠄⠄⢀⠄⢰⣿⣿⡄⠄ ⠈⢿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⣿⣷⣦⠄⠐⠄⠄⠄⠘⠄⠘⢿⣿⡇⠄ ⠄⠈⠻⣿⣇⠠⠄⢀⡉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⡆⠄⠄⠘⣿⡇⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣧⢀⣿⣿⢷⣶⣶⣶⣾⢟⣾⣄⠄⡴⣿⡀⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣧⣝⣿⣷⣝⢿⣿⠇⢸⣿⣿⡎⡡⠋⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣝⠛⠋⠁⣿⣿⡎⢠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⠁⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄
ascii art
November 2018

Classic

Leeroy Jenkins created a strategy

twitchquotes: Leeroy Jenkins created a strategy that revolved around trying to defeat your opponent in one turn without requiring any cards on the board. Fighting for board control and battles between minions make an overall game of Hearthstone more fun and compelling, but taking 20+ damage in one turn is not particularly fun or interactive.
twitch chat
May 2017

Classic

Hearthstone

Who’s Joe? Joe Momma

"Who’s joe?" a distant voice asks. Instantly everyone nearby hears the sound of 1,000s of bricks rapidly shuffling towards his location. The earth itself seemed to cry out in agony, until finally the ground itself split open and a horrific creature crawled from the ground, covered in mucus and tar. ”Joe Momma…” the creature whispered. The man cried out in pain as he disintegrated into dust, and the whole world fell silent in fear. "I did a little trolling." the wretched creature remarked before burrowing back into the earth.
September 2021

Classic

Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro

twitchquotes: Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy and pasted it to word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like...not like the stories your generation tells.
twitch chat
April 2020

Classic

Red sus. Red suuuus

Red sus. Red suuuus. I said red, sus, hahahahaha. Why arent you laughing? I just made a reference to the popular video game "Among Us"! How can you not laugh at it? Emergeny meeting! Guys, this here guy doesnt laugh at my funny Among Us memes! Lets beat him to death! Dead body reported! Skip! Skip! Vote blue! Blue was not an impostor. Among us in a nutshell hahahaha. What?! Youre still not laughing your ass off? I made SEVERAL funny references to Among Us and YOU STILL ARENT LAUGHING??!!! Bruh. Ya hear that? Wooooooosh. Whats woooosh? Oh, nothing. Just the sound of a joke flying over your head. Whats that? You think im annoying? Kinda sus, bro. Hahahaha! Anyway, yea, gotta go do tasks. Hahahaha!
October 2020

Among Us / Amogus

Classic

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