I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm *** retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
I used to be a real ad
More Classic Copypastas
I will now transform this human into a cat
twitchquotes:
I WILL NOW TRANSFORM THIS HUMAN INTO A CATβ°( Ν‘Β° ΝΚ Ν‘Β° )γ€βββ -> -> -> 
twitch chat
Classic
Spooky skeleton
βββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββ
Classic
When I use this text, my brain cell begin to die
twitchquotes:
ο½ο½ο½
ο½ ο½ ο½ο½ο½
ο½ο½ο½ο½ ο½ο½
ο½ο½οΌ ο½ο½ ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ ο½ο½
ο½ο½ ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ ο½ο½
ο½ο½ο½ ο½ο½ ο½ο½ο½
οΌ ο½ο½
ο½ ο½ ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½
ο½ο½ ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ ο½ο½ο½ ο½ο½
ο½
ο½ ο½ ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½
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ο½οΌ ο½ο½ο½ ο½ο½
ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ ο½ο½
ο½ο½ο½ο½.
twitch chat
Kripp
Classic
Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)
I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
Classic
WallStreetBets
Just kidding, it's still Tanner
twitchquotes:
H-hey Octavian, do you remember me from Biology? Freshman year? It's Laura. I just wanted to stop by since you missed the last reunion, I was looking for you. I always thought you were really smart and talented, but I could never work up the nerve to tell you. Anyway, I hope you're doing well...HAHA Just kidding, it's still Tanner you fucking gullible idiot lmfao. Anyway, the gym awaits, see ya man good talk.
twitch chat
Kripp