I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm *** retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
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Anime girl 13 (Ahegao)
⣿⣿⣷⡁⢆⠈⠕⢕⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⢔⢂⢕⢄⠂⣂⠂⠆⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂
⣿⣿⣿⡷⠊⡢⡹⣦⡑⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⠕⠔⠌⠝⠛⠶⠶⢶⣦⣄⢂⢕⢂⢕
⣿⣿⠏⣠⣾⣦⡐⢌⢿⣷⣦⣅⡑⠕⠡⠐⢿⠿⣛⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠡⢷⡈⢂⢕⢂
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⣾⣿⣿⡿⢟⣛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣦⣬⣙⣻⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⢟⢝⢕⢕⢕⢕⢽⣿⣿⣷⣔
⣿⣿⠵⠚⠉⢀⣀⣀⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣗⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿
⢷⣂⣠⣴⣾⡿⡿⡻⡻⣿⣿⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣵⣵⣵⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿
⢌⠻⣿⡿⡫⡪⡪⡪⡪⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃
⠣⡁⠹⡪⡪⡪⡪⣪⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠐⢉⢍⢄⢌⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠈
⡣⡘⢄⠙⣾⣾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢐⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⡘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠠⠈
⠌⢊⢂⢣⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢐⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⢅⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⢜⠠⠈
⠄⠁⠕⢝⡢⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣕⣑⣑⣑⣵⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⢔⢕⣿⠠⠈
⠨⡂⡀⢑⢕⡅⠂⠄⠉⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⢔⢕⢕⣿⣿⠠⠈
⠄⠪⣂⠁⢕⠆⠄⠂⠄⠁⡀⠂⡀⠄⢈⠉⢍⢛⢛⢛⢋⢔⢕⢕⢕⣽⣿⣿⠠⠈
Weebs
Classic
40% of the chat are 41 year olds pretending to be 14
twitchquotes:
This chat disgusts me. 40% of the chat are 41 year olds pretending to be 14. The other 40% are 14 year olds pretending to be 41. And the remaining 30% just copy pastes the longest message they can find in the chat. Grow up chat, grow up. 
twitch chat
Classic
I hate Twitch Chat
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise?
twitchquotes:
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.
twitch chat
Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise
Classic
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Bermuda," I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
Classic
Trumpet Skeleton of the Abyss
twitchquotes:
🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺💀💀💀💀💀 IF YOU SEE THIS MESSAGE WHILE SCROLLING you have been visited by trumpet skeleton of the abyss. good bones and calcium will come to you but only if you reply "thank mr skeltal" to this message and pasta it to 3 times!! 💀💀🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
twitch chat