I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm *** retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
I used to be a real ad
More Classic Copypastas
I charted your LP for the last month
twitchquotes:
π q-qt, I charted your LP for the last month...
π q-qt, I charted your LP for the last month...
twitch chat
imaqtpie
Classic
League of Legends
Kripp can't beat anyone
twitchquotes:
My dad beats me 
My mom beats me My brother beats me My sister beats me At least I feel safe with Kripp, because he can't beat anyone 
My mom beats me My brother beats me My sister beats me At least I feel safe with Kripp, because he can't beat anyone
twitch chat
Kripp
Classic
I am not receiving 328.2 million votes on my election
twitchquotes:
I have noticed that, although America has 328.2 million people, I am not receiving 328.2 million votes on my election. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to vote for me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to vote for me. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
twitch chat
2020 US Election
Classic
Traveled the entire galaxy trying to find out who asked
β β β β β β .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ.γγγοΎ .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ. γγγγγγγγγγγγγγγβ¦ γγγγγ,γγγγγγγ. β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β γγγγγγγγγγγ. .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ. γγβ¦β γβββγγγ,γγγγγγγγγ β γγγγβ γγ, β β β β β β β β β β β β .γγγγγβγγβ γγγβ .γ Λγγγβ γβ ββγγ,γγγγγγ. . β γγβ ββγγγγγβ β¦β γ . .γγγγ.γγγβ . ΛγγγγγγγγοΎγγγγγ. .β γγβ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ , *γγβ . .γγγγγγγγγγβ β¦ Λγγγγγγγγγγγγγγ .β γγγγγγγγγγ γγγγγγγγγγ.γγγγγγγγ. β¦β γβββγγγ,γγββββ β γγ .γγγγγβγγβ γγγ. Λγγγβ γβ ββγγγγ γγγγγγγγγγγ, .γγγ β βγγββββγγγγγβγγγγγ. Traveled the entire galaxy trying to find out who askedβ β β β β β β .γγγγγγγγγγβ β β β¦ β β γγγγγγγγγγγγγγβ β β β β * β β β .γγγγγγγγγγ. β β β β β β β β β β β β β¦β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ.γγγοΎ .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ.
Classic
Who Asked?
If you shit in the sink at exactly 4:20 am and yell βamogusβ 69 times
If you shit in the sink at exactly 4:20 am and yell βamogusβ 69 times,a shadowy figured called mom will come to beat you up and you will wake up in a place called the orphanage