I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm *** retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
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More Classic Copypastas
I am not receiving 328.2 million votes on my election
twitchquotes:
I have noticed that, although America has 328.2 million people, I am not receiving 328.2 million votes on my election. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to vote for me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to vote for me. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
twitch chat
2020 US Election
Classic
What if I put my Minecraft bed next to yours?
twitchquotes:
What if I... put my Minecraft bed... π³ next to yours... π³ aha ha, just kidding.. π unless.. ? π³
twitch chat
Classic
GME to the moon
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γβββγγγ,γγγγγγγγγγγββββπ gme γγγγ γγ,γγγ β β β β γ
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γβγγγγγ.γγγγ π γγγγγβββγγγγγ.γγγγγγγγγγγ.γ
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γγβγ π β β if we sell β β β β β β β ,γ γγγγγγγγγγγγγγ*
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WallStreetBets
Classic
Gitraktmaet motherships descend upon the Earth
twitchquotes:
High in orbit, the Gitraktmaet motherships descend upon the Earth. They prepare to enslave the world and mine it for all its salt, but the scanners detect an abnormally high concentration inside a tiny shack in Greece. The invasion won't be necessary. "Lock onto him with the RNG disruptor," says the captain, greedily. "Soon we shall have all the salt we need."
twitch chat
Kripp
Classic
salty
If you shit in the sink at exactly 4:20 am and yell βamogusβ 69 times
If you shit in the sink at exactly 4:20 am and yell βamogusβ 69 times,a shadowy figured called mom will come to beat you up and you will wake up in a place called the orphanage