[Copypasta] ⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my penis was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
August 2021
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

ACHOO! Sorry, did I spray you?

ACHOO! Sorry, did I spray you? 💦😉 🧻Corona🤧 is CUMMING💦 for us and you’ve just tested 😱positive🦠 for being 💋NAUGHTY😉 🙅‍♀️Social distancing is in effect🚫 and I want to spend my 🤷‍♂️quarenTEEN🔞 with YOU 😍 So grab your 🧴isopropyl-lubricant 💦 and CUM👅 over so I can administer👩‍⚕️ your treatment😉 and inject💉 you with the vaccine🍆 We’ll spend the 🗝lockdown🔒 flattening the curve📉 and FATTENING DEM’ 👏🏿 CURVES 🍑 Get ready for 14 days of 💯THICC DICC DIAGNOSTICS😭 and sitting on my facemask😷 Send this ✉️ to covid-19 of your sloppiest 💦💦SYMPTOMATIC🤒 SLUTS🤫 If you get 5 back, you’re a Wuhan bat🦇 bitch 👎 If you get 10 back, you’re a 😉horny💄healthy💪hoe😘 If you get all 19 back👏 your ass🍑 is the ANTIDOTE💊 and it’s in high demand 👬🏿
March 2020

Emoji Pasta

Coronavirus

COVID

Dave’s Hot ‘N Juicy 1/4lb Single

twitchquotes: My god, I would kill someone for a Dave’s Hot ‘N Juicy 1/4lb Single right about now. I mean that bakery bun, coupled with that sexy melted American cheese, the kick of those red onions, and the salty, seasoned square of beef that is always fresh and never frozen cannot be topped anywhere. Every time I bite into a Wendy’s burger, it’s like it’s making love to my tastebuds. I don’t even like eating fast food; unless it’s Wendy’s.
twitch chat
April 2019
NairoMK

Meet the Engineer TF2

twitchquotes: Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems, not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems, for instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous be-hind? The answer, use a gun, and if that don't work... Use more gun. Take for instance this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil' old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope... Not pointed at you.
twitch chat
June 2019

I love my new hat KappaClaus

twitchquotes: I love my new hat KappaClaus but it's too hot lemme take it off KappaRoss damn my hair is messy lemme fix it NotLikeThis ahh much better Kappa
twitch chat
April 2016
Trick2g

I AM AN INDIVIDUAL!

twitchquotes: I'm SICK of STREAMERS referring to all us all as "Twitch Chat" as if we're some sort of hivemind. I am NOT a DRONE. I AM AN INDIVIDUAL!
twitch chat
May 2015
Text-to-Speech Playing