[Copypasta] ⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my penis was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
August 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Shrek is love. Shrek is life

I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
February 2021

Shrek

Classic

I highlight every message

twitchquotes: Lmao you call yourself a [insert streamer] fan? I'm fucking loaded on channel points bro. I highlight every message because I'm just that jacked. Try talking in chat again when you're a true fan
twitch chat
January 2020

Classic

Big butt crewmate

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣻⣯⣽⣟⠿⠟⠛⠛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣫⣾⣿⣿⣿⡹⢁⣴⣷⣿⣿⣷⣆⣤⡀⠠⢬⣉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢱⣿⣿⣿⠿⠩⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣿⢸⣿⡖⣄⠹⣷⡌⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡸⣿⣿⣿⣼⠂⢸⣿⣿⣾⠯⢟⠋⠿⣿⡿⣳⡿⣳⣿⣷⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⡻⣿⢡⣿⡀⢻⣿⣿⣷⣭⣯⡆⢰⣤⣥⣶⣿⣿⣿⣷⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣿⣿⣿⣤⡈⠛⠛⠙⠛⠁⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠉⣤⣤⡉⢻⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⢋⣉⣁⣈⣉⣀⣈⣉⣉⣉⣁⡐⠚⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⡀⢿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠏⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⠇⣸⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡈⠛⠿⠋⢠⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢰⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣆⠘⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠋⣠⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⠂⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠃⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡏⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣄⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠈⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⢀⣉⣩⣿⣿⣿⠋⢠⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⢶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢁⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠘⣿⣿⡿⠃⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠉⠛⠻⠿⠏⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣈⠉⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
February 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Reynad's mother messages Reynad

twitchquotes: Greeting Andrey, this is your Mother. I heard earlier that you "maybe" 420 blaze it. I am very concerned. I dont like that Jeffery boy and I dont think you should hang out with him anymore. I hope the rest of you concerned mothers in twitch chat will copy paste this so my son will see..
twitch chat
July 2016
Reynad

Classic

A scholar hates twitch chat

The myriad of idiosyncratic atrocities bestowed on this chat from these juvenile delinquents have caused a monstruous amount of turmoil and I cannot fathom this type of malignancy. These futile behaviors have abruptly penetrated the purity of my dear soul.
June 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing