[Copypasta] ⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my penis was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
August 2021
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Not funny I didn't laugh

Not funny I didn't laugh. Your joke is so bad I would have preferred the joke went over my head and you gave up re-telling me the joke. To be honest this is a horrid attempt at trying to get a laugh out of me. Not a chuckle, not a hehe, not even a subtle burst of air out of my esophagus. Science says before you laugh your brain preps your face muscles but I didn't even feel the slightest twitch. 0/10 this joke is so bad I cannot believe anyone legally allowed you to be creative at all. The amount of brain power you must have put into that joke has the potential to power every house on Earth. Get a personality and learn how to make jokes, read a book. I'm not saying this to be funny I genuinely mean it on how this is just bottom barrel embarrassment at comedy. You've single handedly killed humor and every comedic act on the planet. I'm so disappointed that society has failed as a whole in being able to teach you how to be funny. Honestly if I put in all my power and time to try and make your joke funny it would require Einstein himself to build a device to strap me into so I can be connected to the energy of a billion stars to do it, and even then all that joke would get from people is a subtle scuff. You're lucky I still have the slightest of empathy for you after telling that joke otherwise I would have committed every war crime in the book just to prevent you from attempting any humor ever again. We should put that joke in text books so future generations can be wary of becoming such an absolute comedic failure. Im disappointed, hurt, and outright offended that my precious time has been wasted in my brain understanding that joke. In the time that took I was planning on helping kids who have been orphaned, but because of that you've waisted my time explaining the obscene integrity of your terrible attempt at comedy. Now those kids are suffering without meals and there's nobody to blame but you. I hope you're happy with what you have done and I truly hope you can move on and learn from this piss poor attempt
September 2019

Classic

Are you really shitting on PokΓ©mon Unite bro?

Are you really shitting on PokΓ©mon Unite bro? That’s pretty fucking cringe. This is a highly skilled game that requires teamwork. Communication. Hard work. Blood. Sweat. Tears. If your puny mind fails to see this game is all about skill then just go back to playing baby ass LoL you fucking pleb.
July 2021

Hey Kripp! I want to tell you a secret

twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Meanwhile in Kripp's mouth

twitchquotes: Meanwhile in Kripp's mouth ~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ ~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’ γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ γ€€~β€’ ~β€’ γ€€ γ€€γ€€~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€ ~β€’ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’γ€€ γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~β€’
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Chungus has no beginning. Chungus has no end

Chungus has no beginning. Chungus has no end. Chungus is infinite. Millions of years after our civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, Chungus will endure. Chungus is eternal. The pinnacle of evolution and existence. We are but rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. We touch Chungus' mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding. Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation, an accident. Our lives are measured in years and decades. We wither and die. Chungus is eternal. Before it, we are nothing. Chungus imposes order on the chaos of organic life. We exist because Chungus allows it, and we will end because Chungus demands it. Chungus transcends our very understanding. We cannot grasp the nature of Chungus' existence.
March 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing