[Copypasta] ⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my penis was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
August 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

EARN that starting position

twitchquotes: It was a humid night, all the windows were open in the Cloud 9 house as Sneaky looked outside contemplating how to avoid the bench again. As he mused the door creaked open and Jack was there. Sneaky knew what had to be done as he got on his knees to fellate his boss. "Oh yea Sneaky, work that hard cock, EARN that starting position"
twitch chat
July 2018
Sneaky

League of Legends

GME stock and WSB vs short sellers

Let me tell you what happens tomorrow because it's even worse than what happened today. There they are, Melvin Capital. Furiously jerking their 2 inch boomer cocks to their GME short gainz. They are so close, edging themselves with "Oh yeah, the next Blockbuster" and "Yes baby, brick and mortar go bye-bye." They even sit in a circle sucking and jerking each other off, double fisting like they're skiing down Mt. Everest with cocks instead of poles. Out of nowhere, Ryan Cohen steps in with the most massive and vieniest schlong they've ever seen. He starts eating their lunch and muttering about Cheey for games and they can't do anything because their engorged penises are stuck in eachothers mouths and poop chutes. They attempt to ignorr him and try to keep jerking but they accidentally used hand sanitizer instead of lotion. BAM GME starts rising from the ashes and the retards of WSB are lighting the fires. We brought lighters that we borrowed from our wives boyfriend's and they weren't those shitty clear one. We have motherfucking Bics and torches. Melvin is crying and pleading but we are too retarded to understand coherent English. They see giant red dildos on their screens and their buttholes begin to pucker. They dump everything they have at us in an attempt to supress the price but again, we only understand broken english and emojis. We only understand basic visuals and colors. When we see green, we buy. When we see red, we take out another student loan or CC cash advance and we buy more. We are fucking unstoppable. GME skyrockets and they start scrambling to pull dicks out of random orifices, but it's too late. Bears R Fuk. After we are done splooging all over their faces, and becoming their wife's new boyfriends, we throw Melvin and BOA on the chopping block to be liquidated and disposed of. That's what happens tomorrow, and we are gonna turn that shit into a movie.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Chinese characters wave

twitchquotes: εŽ‚δΈ‹εΉΏεžε»Ώε£«εδΈ€ε‰εŠδΈŽζœ¬δΊŒδΈŠζ—¦δΈŠδΊŒζœ¬δΈŽεŠε‰δΈ€εε£«ε»ΏεžεΉΏδΈ‹εŽ‚δΈ‹εΉΏεžε»Ώε£«εδΈ€ε‰εŠδΈŽζœ¬δΊŒδΈŠζ—¦δΈŠδΊŒζœ¬δΈŽεŠε‰δΈ€εε£«ε»ΏεžεΉΏδΈ‹εŽ‚δΈ‹εΉΏεžε»Ώε£«εδΈ€ε‰εŠδΈŽζœ¬δΊŒδΈŠζ—¦δΈŠδΊŒζœ¬δΈŽεŠε‰δΈ€εε£«ε»ΏεžεΉΏδΈ‹εŽ‚δΈ‹εΉΏεžε»Ώε£«εδΈ€ε‰εŠδΈŽζœ¬δΊŒδΈŠζ—¦δΈŠδΊŒζœ¬δΈŽεŠε‰δΈ€εε£«ε»ΏεžεΉΏδΈ‹εŽ‚δΈ‹εΉΏεžε»Ώε£«εδΈ€ε‰εŠδΈŽζœ¬δΊŒδΈŠζ—¦δΈŠδΊŒζœ¬δΈŽεŠε‰δΈ€εε£«ε»ΏεžεΉΏδΈ‹εŽ‚δΈ‹εΉΏεžε»Ώε£«εδΈ€ε‰εŠδΈŽζœ¬δΊŒδΈŠζ—¦δΈŠδΊŒζœ¬δΈŽεŠε‰δΈ€εε£«ε»ΏεžεΉΏδΈ‹εŽ‚δΈ‹εΉΏεžε»Ώε£«εδΈ€ε‰εŠδΈŽζœ¬δΊŒδΈŠζ—¦δΈŠδΊŒζœ¬δΈŽεŠε‰δΈ€εε£«ε»ΏεžεΉΏδΈ‹εŽ‚δΈ‹εΉΏεžε»Ώε£«εδΈ€ε‰εŠδΈŽζœ¬δΊŒδΈŠζ—¦δΈŠδΊŒζœ¬δΈŽεŠε‰δΈ€εε£«ε»ΏεžεΉΏδΈ‹εŽ‚δΈ‹εΉΏεžε»Ώε£«εδΈ€ε‰εŠδΈŽζœ¬δΊŒδΈŠζ—¦δΈŠδΊŒζœ¬δΈŽεŠε‰δΈ€εε£«ε»ΏεžεΉΏδΈ‹εŽ‚δΈ‹εΉΏεžε»Ώε£«εδΈ€ε‰εŠδΈŽζœ¬δΊŒδΈŠζ—¦δΈŠδΊŒζœ¬δΈŽεŠε‰δΈ€εε£«ε»ΏεžεΉΏδΈ‹εΉΏεžε»Ώε£«εδΈ€ε‰εŠδΈŽζœ¬δΊŒδΈŠζ—¦
twitch chat
April 2016
Kripp

Mitch is the type of dude who...

Mitch McConnell shaves his face with the same razor he shaves his nuts and butt hole Mitch the type of guy to put on sunglasses to get another free sample at Costco Mitch the type of guy that says "you too" when the waitress tells him to enjoy his meal. Mitch the kinda guy to leave β€œsmile more” on the tip section of a receipt Mitch is the type of dude who says "Ni Hao" to the waiter at a Thai restaurant Mitch the type of guy to shower then shit Mitch McConnell claps when the plane lands Mitch is the type of dude who thinks crest toothpaste is spicy Mitch the kind of guy that uses self checkout with a full cart.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Keepo

β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–’β–“β–ˆβ–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–“β–’β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–’β–“β–“β–€β–“β–“β–’β–“β–’β–’β–€β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–ˆβ–‘ β–„β–€β–„β–‘β–’β–“β–“β–’β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–„β–€β–‘ β–ˆβ–“β–ˆβ–’β–’β–“β–’β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–ˆβ–„β–‘ β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–ˆβ–‘ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–€β–‘ β–‘β–€β–„β–“β–‘β–‘β–’β–€β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘ β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–€β–„β–„β–’β–€β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–„β–„β–’β–„β–„β–„β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–’β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
November 2014
Text-to-Speech Playing