[Copypasta] Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter?

Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter? I’ve never heard that joke before, but it’s so genius! You sir, or madame, or helicopter, are the absolute most hilarious and original person I have ever seen in my entire life. Move over, Jerry Seinfeld. Get lost, Brian Regan. Out of the way, Family Guy Funny Moments Compilation #53. There’s a new funniest man in town. Holy shit, I just can’t get over this joke. I’m giggling and guffawing harder than ever before. You should win an Oscar and an Emmy and a Grammy and a Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award. Attack helicopter gender! Wow! So funny! Take that, liberals! Haha. Every night since I was born I have looked up to the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling and wondered, “I hope one day I can be as funny as the attack helicopter gender guy.” I will tell my children, and my children’s children, all about the absolute hilarity that went down just now. You just broke the Guinness World Record for funniest and most original jokester on the planet. I’m fucking simultaneously shitting and cumming because this joke is just so funny. Holy shit. That was an amazing joke, my guy. I’m gonna make a subreddit dedicated entirely to this one joke. It’s gonna get thousands of members! History books will forever remember the time you said, “I identify as an attack helicopter.” It’ll go right there in the important quote book, right between Patrick Henry and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I just can’t believe I was here to witness such grandeur. I was here! I think I’m going to make a whole religion based on worshipping you, my glorious and hilarious attack helicopter God. This is just so funny I can’t believe it! Hahahahahahahahahaha! I think I’m going to go to the hospital and fucking die from laughing to hard, but that’s okay! This is even funnier than that guy who said he identified as a toaster! Can you believe it? I never thought that very different joke could be topped, but here we are! Did I mention how funny and original that joke was? Ah, well done, sir, or madame, or helicopter. This is an experience I won’t forget any time soon. Ha. Haha. Ha. Lol. Lmao. Haha. Jajaja. Lmfao. Rofl, rotfl, ha.
June 2021
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Born perfectly to explore dank memes

twitchquotes: Born too late to explore the Earth, born too early to explore the universe, born perfectly to explore dank memes ◕ ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡◕
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I put sushi in my husband’s butthole while he was asleep

He was sleeping soundly naked, and I was eating leftover sushi. I couldn't help myself. I spread open his cheeks ever so softly, and tucked a slice of Philly roll right next to his puckered asshole. He did not wake up. When he awoke several hours later, he thought he had shit himself. I managed to video him discovering it was in his asshole, and I cannot stop watching him dig salmon, cream cheese, and rice out of his butthole. I also cannot stop laughing. I needed to tell someone.
May 2022

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Please Lord Give Kripp Bad RNG

twitchquotes: BlessRNG PLEASE LORD BlessRNG GIVE KRIPP BlessRNG BAD RNG BlessRNG SO WE MAY FEAST BlessRNG UPON HIS BlessRNG SALTY BOUNTY BlessRNG
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Kripp

Hearthstone

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⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣴⣾⣿⠟⠋⠄⣠⡄⠄⣿⣿⠄⢠⣄⠄⠙⠻⣿⣷⣦⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⠋⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣦⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣾⣿⠟⠄⣠⣾⣿⠟⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⡟⢿⣿⣷⣄⠙⢻⣿⣦⠄⠄ ⠄⣾⣿⠋⠄⣾⣿⠟⠁⠄⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣦⠈⢻⣿⣧⠄ ⣾⣿⡟⠄⣼⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⠹⣿⣇⠈⢿⣿⣇ ⣿⣿⠁⢀⣿⣿⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿ ⢿⣿⣄⠄⢿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⠄⣿⠟⢀⣿⣿⠋ ⠈⣿⣿⣄⠈⢿⣿⣄⠄⠄⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⠄⡟⠄⣼⣿⡟⠄ ⠄⠈⣿⣿⣄⠈⠹⣿⣿⣄⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⠄⠄⣴⣿⠋⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣧⡀⠄⠻⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⡇⠸⠋⠄⣠⣾⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣷⣄⣀⠈⠙⠃⠄⣿⣿⠄⠈⠁⠄⣴⣾⣿⠟⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
November 2020
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